1 00:02:37,911 --> 00:02:39,212 You in the robes. 2 00:02:39,212 --> 00:02:41,111 Put down the weapon of mass destruction 3 00:02:41,111 --> 00:02:42,513 and get on the ground! 4 00:02:42,513 --> 00:02:46,512 You are under arrest. 5 00:02:56,512 --> 00:02:59,989 Put down your weapons now! 6 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,175 Why can't we ever do this the easy way? 7 00:03:12,014 --> 00:03:16,013 World Police. Get down on the ground! 8 00:03:24,115 --> 00:03:26,612 Hey terrorist. 9 00:03:26,612 --> 00:03:30,615 Terrorize this. 10 00:03:39,914 --> 00:03:43,914 All right. Let's make this interesting. 11 00:04:10,215 --> 00:04:14,214 You lose. 12 00:04:14,316 --> 00:04:15,903 He is getting away with the WMD. 13 00:04:15,905 --> 00:04:20,814 I got him. 14 00:04:29,016 --> 00:04:31,016 Damn, I missed him. 15 00:04:31,016 --> 00:04:32,017 Sarah, he has got the bomb. 16 00:04:32,017 --> 00:04:35,615 You got a fix? 17 00:04:35,248 --> 00:04:36,517 I got him Carson. 18 00:04:36,517 --> 00:04:39,917 He is heading for Louvre. 19 00:04:39,917 --> 00:04:43,917 Your plans are over. 20 00:04:53,217 --> 00:04:55,917 All right Sarah. 21 00:04:55,917 --> 00:04:58,218 Nothing to it. 22 00:04:58,218 --> 00:05:01,718 All right. Let's make this interesting. 23 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,217 Bonjour everyone. Don't worry! 24 00:05:04,217 --> 00:05:06,318 Everything is bombed 25 00:05:06,318 --> 00:05:10,318 We stopped the terrorists. 26 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:22,018 I was doing a lot of thinking on the ride over here. 27 00:05:22,018 --> 00:05:23,953 Oh yeah? Bout what? 28 00:05:23,988 --> 00:05:28,087 I was thinking that I want you to marry me. 29 00:05:28,088 --> 00:05:28,999 Don't joke about that! 30 00:05:28,999 --> 00:05:32,184 Who's joking? 31 00:05:35,019 --> 00:05:37,920 Joe to Sarah. Looks like we may need to order up a wedding cake. 32 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,720 He finally popped the question? 33 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,921 Lisa you are an amazing woman ... 34 00:05:41,921 --> 00:05:44,420 and a damn fine cop. 35 00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:47,421 I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 36 00:05:47,421 --> 00:05:51,419 Oh Carson, Carson. 37 00:05:52,021 --> 00:05:56,022 Carson! 38 00:05:59,621 --> 00:06:03,621 No! 39 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,722 Carson! 40 00:06:08,722 --> 00:06:11,421 Feel so cold. 41 00:06:11,421 --> 00:06:14,021 You have to hang on Carson. 42 00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:17,720 Sorry babe. Looks like this was a one-way ticket. 43 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,821 No! 44 00:06:20,821 --> 00:06:24,722 Lisa you have to live on, Find someone else who will love you. 45 00:06:24,722 --> 00:06:26,823 Find someone else and be happy. 46 00:06:26,823 --> 00:06:30,822 You deserve it. 47 00:06:33,321 --> 00:06:37,322 No! No! 48 00:06:37,923 --> 00:06:41,923 No! 49 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,724 # Everyone has AIDS # 50 00:07:06,724 --> 00:07:12,524 # AIDS, AIDS: AIDS # 51 00:07:12,524 --> 00:07:16,524 # Everyone has AIDS # 52 00:07:16,787 --> 00:07:20,023 # And so this is the end of our story # 53 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:23,123 # And everyone is dead from AIDS # 54 00:07:23,123 --> 00:07:27,125 # It took from me my best friend my only true pal # 55 00:07:28,925 --> 00:07:30,924 # My only bright star # 56 00:07:30,924 --> 00:07:32,624 # He died of AIDS # 57 00:07:32,624 --> 00:07:34,925 # Well I am going to march on Washington ' 58 00:07:34,925 --> 00:07:38,025 # lead the fight and charge the brigades # 59 00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:39,940 # There is a hero inside of all of us # 60 00:07:40,602 --> 00:07:42,999 # I will make them see that everyone has AIDS # 61 00:07:43,265 --> 00:07:44,375 # - My father # # - AIDS! # 62 00:07:44,375 --> 00:07:45,806 # - My sister # # - AIDS! # 63 00:07:45,806 --> 00:07:49,246 # - My uncle and my cousin and her best friend # # - AIDS, AIDS: AIDS # 64 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,401 # The gays and the straights and the whites and the spades # 65 00:07:52,828 --> 00:07:54,526 # Everyone has AIDS # 66 00:07:54,526 --> 00:07:57,026 # - My grandma and my dog old blue # # - AIDS, AIDS: AIDS # 67 00:07:57,026 --> 00:07:59,825 # - The pope has got it and so do you # # - AIDS, AIDS: AIDS # 68 00:08:00,190 --> 00:08:02,811 # - Come on Everybody we got quilting to do # # - AIDS, AIDS: AIDS # 69 00:08:02,811 --> 00:08:04,896 # We are going to break down these barricades # 70 00:08:04,932 --> 00:08:07,726 # Everyone has AIDS, AIDS: AIDS # 71 00:08:07,726 --> 00:08:13,725 # AIDS, AIDS: AIDS # 72 00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:22,926 Great job Gary. 73 00:08:22,926 --> 00:08:24,127 Thanks, you too Steve. 74 00:08:24,127 --> 00:08:26,029 That was the greatest acting I have ever seen. 75 00:08:26,029 --> 00:08:27,728 I just don't know how do you do it Gary? 76 00:08:27,728 --> 00:08:31,627 How do you make youself so sober and emotional to make everybody cry like that? 77 00:08:31,627 --> 00:08:32,759 It's not that hard really. 78 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:37,099 I just think about the saddest moment in my life. 79 00:08:41,427 --> 00:08:45,428 Man wow! Gary is such a great guy 80 00:08:59,351 --> 00:09:00,911 Hello young man! 81 00:09:00,912 --> 00:09:03,426 Congratulations on a terrific performance. 82 00:09:03,628 --> 00:09:07,628 Oh, thank you! I don't believe we've met Mr. ...? 83 00:09:07,829 --> 00:09:11,830 The name is Spottswoode 84 00:09:12,428 --> 00:09:13,753 Well nice to meet you. 85 00:09:13,789 --> 00:09:15,628 And you are Gary Justin 86 00:09:15,628 --> 00:09:18,327 All-American actor who graduated Iowa University 87 00:09:18,329 --> 00:09:20,232 Summa cum laude with a double major in... 88 00:09:20,232 --> 00:09:22,042 theater and world languages 89 00:09:22,042 --> 00:09:25,231 You've been at the top of every acting class since you were a child. 90 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:29,231 Top gun actor. 91 00:09:29,231 --> 00:09:32,330 Hey hold on a second are you from Hollywood? 92 00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:34,487 I have an incredible offer for you Gary. 93 00:09:34,488 --> 00:09:38,984 If you are interested follow me this way. 94 00:09:56,431 --> 00:10:00,430 Please Gary, step into my car. 95 00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:02,972 Oh I get it! 96 00:10:02,973 --> 00:10:05,972 I'm supposed to get in your car and let you put your finger inside me. 97 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:08,455 Then if I go down on you I get a movie part. 98 00:10:09,933 --> 00:10:12,933 No I just want to show you something 99 00:10:12,933 --> 00:10:14,332 Yeah, I bet you do 100 00:10:14,215 --> 00:10:15,840 Please Gary I'm not from Hollywood 101 00:10:15,842 --> 00:10:17,496 I am not going to fuck your mouth... 102 00:10:17,497 --> 00:10:19,536 and my time is extremely valuable! 103 00:10:30,933 --> 00:10:33,033 Jesus this is a nice limo. 104 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:37,034 Yes it is! Now suck my cock! 105 00:10:37,434 --> 00:10:41,432 Haha! Just kidding. 106 00:10:46,834 --> 00:10:49,434 All right. Just what the hell is this about? 107 00:10:49,434 --> 00:10:52,233 I hate to break this to you Gary ... 108 00:10:52,233 --> 00:10:55,635 but some people out there want you dead. 109 00:10:55,635 --> 00:10:56,533 Dead? 110 00:10:56,533 --> 00:10:57,920 They are called terrorists, Gary ... 111 00:10:57,921 --> 00:11:00,181 and they hate everything about you. 112 00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:04,536 Why? What did I do to them? I am just a Broadway actor. 113 00:11:04,536 --> 00:11:07,016 It's not who you are Gary. It's what you stand for. 114 00:11:07,016 --> 00:11:09,508 And every single mintue of every single day 115 00:11:09,508 --> 00:11:11,671 The terrorists are planning new ways to kill you. 116 00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:14,291 And everyone else who lives in a free country. 117 00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:19,634 The only thing standing in their way... is us. 118 00:11:20,634 --> 00:11:22,336 You? 119 00:11:22,336 --> 00:11:26,335 Baxter, I think we can valmorphanize safely now. 120 00:11:58,438 --> 00:12:00,651 OK a limousine that can fly! 121 00:12:00,651 --> 00:12:02,334 Now I have seen everything! 122 00:12:02,438 --> 00:12:05,937 Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head? 123 00:12:05,937 --> 00:12:09,937 - No - So then you haven't seen everything and neither have we. 124 00:12:10,837 --> 00:12:14,837 Last week in Paris we got four terrorists with a weapon of mass destruction. 125 00:12:15,638 --> 00:12:19,636 The terrorists are planning something very big. 126 00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:22,237 And just what does this have to do with me? 127 00:12:22,237 --> 00:12:24,641 Our only hope is to have somebody act like a terrorist... 128 00:12:24,641 --> 00:12:27,231 who wants to help them carry out the attack. 129 00:12:27,265 --> 00:12:28,580 An actor convincing enough 130 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,938 to make the terrorists think he is one of them. 131 00:12:32,439 --> 00:12:34,809 This is crazy. I am an actor not a spy. 132 00:12:34,809 --> 00:12:37,243 That's all spying is... Acting! 133 00:12:37,243 --> 00:12:38,944 And they say you are the best! 134 00:12:39,138 --> 00:12:42,339 An actor with a double major in theater and world languages. 135 00:12:42,339 --> 00:12:46,340 Hell you are the perfect weapon Gary. 136 00:12:47,039 --> 00:12:51,038 Look out! 137 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:22,840 Right this way you maverick renegade. 138 00:13:34,041 --> 00:13:37,640 Welcome to team base. 139 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:41,641 Gary, this is Joe. All-star quarterback from the University of Nebraska. 140 00:13:41,842 --> 00:13:44,041 He is a natural born leader. 141 00:13:44,041 --> 00:13:46,042 I've heard a lot about your acting Mr. Johnston 142 00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:47,842 I hope it's as good as they say it is. 143 00:13:47,842 --> 00:13:52,572 And this is Sarah. The top empath from Berkely school for the clairvoyant in San Franciso. 144 00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:57,741 I sense that you are slightly confused right now. 145 00:13:58,941 --> 00:14:01,142 That's suppose to be Carson's replacement? 146 00:14:01,142 --> 00:14:02,844 A fucking actor? 147 00:14:02,844 --> 00:14:07,886 Don't mind Chris. He may be lacking courtesy but he is the best martial art expert Detroit has to offer. 148 00:14:09,042 --> 00:14:13,043 That's right actor. Just stay the fuck away from me. 149 00:14:13,343 --> 00:14:17,344 And finally we have our psychology expert. Where is Lisa? 150 00:14:18,143 --> 00:14:22,143 Right here. 151 00:14:27,543 --> 00:14:31,543 Gary, this is Lisa. She specializes in how the terrorists think. 152 00:14:32,044 --> 00:14:36,044 Usually a case of malignant narcissism brought under in childhood. 153 00:14:36,344 --> 00:14:38,944 We've been doing our best to keep the world safe, Gary. 154 00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:42,145 But now somebody has supplied the terrorists with WMDs. 155 00:14:42,145 --> 00:14:44,845 And Intelligence tells us they plan to use them. 156 00:14:44,845 --> 00:14:47,444 Isn't that right Intelligence? 157 00:14:47,444 --> 00:14:49,644 That is affirmative! 158 00:14:49,644 --> 00:14:51,046 Intelligence? 159 00:14:51,046 --> 00:14:53,745 The most sophisticated computer in the world. 160 00:14:53,745 --> 00:14:57,640 I've intercepted communications that several terrorists groups are being organized for one massive world wide attack. 161 00:15:01,145 --> 00:15:05,146 From what Intelligence has gathered it would be 911 times 100. 162 00:15:06,745 --> 00:15:10,747 911 times 100 Jesus that's ... 163 00:15:11,246 --> 00:15:15,145 yes, 91100. 164 00:15:15,145 --> 00:15:19,145 Basically all the worst parts of the Bible. 165 00:15:19,145 --> 00:15:21,647 So now you see why we need you. 166 00:15:21,647 --> 00:15:25,646 We will disguise you as a terrorist and take you deep into the Middle East. 167 00:15:26,203 --> 00:15:31,247 If your acting is successful you'll be able to get us all the information we need to stop this whole thing from happening. 168 00:15:31,748 --> 00:15:34,647 Of course ... if you are not interested ... 169 00:15:34,647 --> 00:15:38,647 there's the door. 170 00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:42,647 All right. Thanks. 171 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:51,248 Huh. 172 00:15:51,846 --> 00:15:55,046 Gary, hey. Hold on a second! 173 00:15:55,046 --> 00:15:58,648 Don't you understand? Every country in the world is in danger. 174 00:15:58,648 --> 00:16:01,446 How is it my responsibility to do something? 175 00:16:01,446 --> 00:16:05,447 Because like it or not, you're the one with the power to do something. 176 00:16:08,648 --> 00:16:12,649 I can't fight terrorists. I don't know nothing about guns or jets. 177 00:16:12,649 --> 00:16:18,629 That doesn't matter. If you wanna help people all that matters Gary, is what you have here. 178 00:16:26,249 --> 00:16:30,250 Just think about it, ok. Here, take this. 179 00:16:34,348 --> 00:16:36,650 Baxter will take you wherever you wanna go. 180 00:16:36,650 --> 00:16:40,651 Just remember your freedom is at stake too. 181 00:16:53,051 --> 00:16:55,451 What do you think Spottswoode sees in him? 182 00:16:55,451 --> 00:16:59,450 I don't know. But I think I see it too. 183 00:17:16,052 --> 00:17:20,505 Hey Baxter I wanna take a detour. 184 00:17:22,254 --> 00:17:24,033 # What would you do # 185 00:17:24,034 --> 00:17:28,273 # if you were asked to give up your dreams for freedom? # 186 00:17:29,652 --> 00:17:35,710 # What would you do if that is to make the ultimate sacrifice? # 187 00:17:35,952 --> 00:17:39,452 # Would you think about all them people? # 188 00:17:39,452 --> 00:17:43,362 # Who gave up everything they had? # 189 00:17:43,599 --> 00:17:47,051 # Would you think about all them war vets # 190 00:17:47,051 --> 00:17:51,052 # and would you start to feel bad? # 191 00:17:53,152 --> 00:17:56,554 # Freedom isn't free # 192 00:17:56,554 --> 00:18:00,253 # It costs folks like you and me # 193 00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:07,495 # And if we don't all chip in we'll never pay that bill # 194 00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:11,554 # Freedom isn't free # 195 00:18:11,554 --> 00:18:15,554 # No there is a hefty fuckin' fee # 196 00:18:15,554 --> 00:18:22,412 # And if you don't throw in your buck 'o five who will? # 197 00:18:23,622 --> 00:18:25,644 # Buck 'o five # 198 00:18:25,678 --> 00:18:30,855 # Freedom costs a buck 'o five # 199 00:19:09,452 --> 00:19:11,181 Our dear leader Kim Jong-Il... 200 00:19:11,182 --> 00:19:13,378 says the weapons of mass destruction you requested 201 00:19:13,379 --> 00:19:14,818 are ready for you to take. 202 00:19:15,457 --> 00:19:17,556 I am still in the process of recuriting... 203 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,865 and training new terrorists for the attack. 204 00:19:20,102 --> 00:19:23,231 We take weapons later. 205 00:19:29,953 --> 00:19:32,908 He asked what part of the deal you did not understand. 206 00:19:32,908 --> 00:19:35,658 He says perhaps his translator did not make it clear to you. 207 00:19:35,658 --> 00:19:39,659 He says he should fire ... his translator. 208 00:19:43,258 --> 00:19:46,458 Do you have any idea how fucking busy I am? 209 00:19:46,735 --> 00:19:48,916 I can not believe that I actually have a Chechnian standing here 210 00:19:48,926 --> 00:19:51,569 telling me when he is going to take a delivery. 211 00:19:51,959 --> 00:19:53,858 Hello. 212 00:19:53,858 --> 00:19:56,357 Perhaps we can be ready sooner. 213 00:19:56,357 --> 00:19:58,320 Yes, perhaps you can. 214 00:19:58,321 --> 00:20:01,039 Now take your weapons of mass desctruction and 215 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,710 get the fuck out of here! 216 00:20:21,858 --> 00:20:24,461 I ... had to come back. 217 00:20:24,461 --> 00:20:25,859 I know you did son. 218 00:20:25,859 --> 00:20:27,761 I still say this is a fucking mistake. 219 00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:31,658 Stop it Chris! I sense that you are making him feel intimidated. 220 00:20:31,658 --> 00:20:33,459 Gary I am afraid there is no time. 221 00:20:33,459 --> 00:20:35,860 Intelligence tells us that the attack is imminent. 222 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:39,260 We need you to act like a Middle Eastern terrorist right away. 223 00:20:39,260 --> 00:20:40,961 There is just one problem. 224 00:20:40,961 --> 00:20:43,560 I don't look Middle Eastern. 225 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:47,562 Hahaha - leave that to us! 226 00:20:58,561 --> 00:21:02,561 Sarah is a professional at skin graphing and laser valmorphication. 227 00:21:03,461 --> 00:21:07,461 Just try to be still. 228 00:21:42,165 --> 00:21:43,775 Amazing! 229 00:21:43,955 --> 00:21:46,564 The valmorphication completely worked. 230 00:21:46,564 --> 00:21:50,564 Sit up and take a look Gary! 231 00:21:54,463 --> 00:21:56,764 It's uncanny. 232 00:21:56,764 --> 00:21:58,910 You are going to fool everyone Gary. 233 00:21:58,911 --> 00:22:01,848 or should I say Hakmed? 234 00:22:03,565 --> 00:22:07,164 All right team, we only get one shot at this so listen up! 235 00:22:07,164 --> 00:22:09,820 Intelligence has intercepted communications that terrorists 236 00:22:09,822 --> 00:22:13,864 from different countries are gathering at a tavern! Here! In Cairo. 237 00:22:14,465 --> 00:22:17,564 Cairo ... that's in Egypt. 238 00:22:17,564 --> 00:22:19,564 Exactly right Joe. 239 00:22:19,564 --> 00:22:20,716 Now team your mission. 240 00:22:20,717 --> 00:22:22,977 We'll be to get Gary into that tavern. 241 00:22:22,977 --> 00:22:26,149 And once he is on the inside, cover his back! 242 00:22:27,066 --> 00:22:29,150 Gary, you must use your acting to find out 243 00:22:29,150 --> 00:22:31,887 any information you can from the terrorists. 244 00:22:33,865 --> 00:22:36,983 Gary, if for some reason you cover is blown... 245 00:22:36,984 --> 00:22:39,298 and the terrorists take you prisoner ... 246 00:22:39,665 --> 00:22:42,966 well you will probably want to take your own life. 247 00:22:42,966 --> 00:22:46,967 Here you better have this. 248 00:22:51,041 --> 00:22:53,906 All right team! That's it! We've got a job to do. 249 00:22:53,906 --> 00:22:57,662 Let's go police the World! 250 00:22:57,663 --> 00:23:04,027 # America~America~ # 251 00:23:04,389 --> 00:23:07,050 # -America # # -Fuck Yeah! # 252 00:23:07,051 --> 00:23:10,045 # Coming again to save the mother fucking day yeah~ # 253 00:23:10,047 --> 00:23:12,619 # -America # # -Fuck Yeah! # 254 00:23:12,620 --> 00:23:15,791 # Freedom is the only way yeah! # 255 00:23:15,792 --> 00:23:18,256 # Terrorists your game is through~ # 256 00:23:18,257 --> 00:23:21,371 # 'cause now you have to answer to~ # 257 00:23:21,372 --> 00:23:24,024 # -America # # -Fuck Yeah! # 258 00:23:24,025 --> 00:23:27,107 # So lick my butt and suck on my balls~ # 259 00:23:27,108 --> 00:23:29,635 # -America # # -Fuck Yeah! # 260 00:23:32,368 --> 00:23:34,868 What if the old man is wrong about him, uh? 261 00:23:34,868 --> 00:23:38,869 What if he is not the actor Spottswoode says he is? 262 00:23:39,568 --> 00:23:43,568 Why don't you trust actors Chris? 263 00:23:44,067 --> 00:23:48,068 I got my reasons. 264 00:23:50,568 --> 00:23:53,269 You're all right Gary? 265 00:23:53,269 --> 00:23:54,605 I was just thinking... 266 00:23:54,606 --> 00:23:57,978 on stage if I mess up a line it could mean a bad review. 267 00:23:58,870 --> 00:24:02,870 If I mess up here... we're all dead. 268 00:24:03,869 --> 00:24:06,770 I believe you can do this Gary 269 00:24:06,770 --> 00:24:07,869 Why? 270 00:24:07,869 --> 00:24:11,570 What reason do you have to believe? 271 00:24:11,570 --> 00:24:15,569 Sometimes ... believing is all we have. 272 00:25:09,807 --> 00:25:13,194 Fear not Muslim friends! We are here to find terrorists... 273 00:25:13,195 --> 00:25:16,545 I am clearing your minds of all anxiety. 274 00:25:16,657 --> 00:25:18,047 All right, good job Sarah. 275 00:25:18,048 --> 00:25:20,524 Now everyone make for the tavern. 276 00:25:20,812 --> 00:25:23,272 Let's get one thing straight actor - I don't trust you. 277 00:25:23,274 --> 00:25:25,774 And if you betray us I'll rip your fucking balls off 278 00:25:25,774 --> 00:25:27,585 and stuff them up your ass, so the next time you shit... 279 00:25:27,586 --> 00:25:29,771 you'll shit all over your balls. Got it? 280 00:25:29,873 --> 00:25:31,374 What's your problem with me? 281 00:25:31,374 --> 00:25:32,275 Yeah, you want a go? 282 00:25:32,275 --> 00:25:33,789 Guys, guys, guys! 283 00:25:33,790 --> 00:25:36,646 Don't you see this is just what the terrorists want us to do? 284 00:25:37,074 --> 00:25:41,073 The war is out there man - out there. Now pull it together! 285 00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:46,873 All right team, let's move to the inner city. Keep it quiet! 286 00:25:58,175 --> 00:26:00,675 Clear, Clear, Clear, Clear 287 00:26:00,675 --> 00:26:01,373 All right Gary, you follow me! 288 00:26:01,374 --> 00:26:04,137 The rest of the team takes super secret hiding positions alpha one. 289 00:26:07,376 --> 00:26:10,110 All right that's the tavern with the blue door. 290 00:26:10,112 --> 00:26:14,676 Act your way past those guards! See what you can find out! 291 00:26:14,875 --> 00:26:17,775 Remember, if you think they are onto you give us the signal. 292 00:26:17,775 --> 00:26:21,775 You remember the signal? 293 00:26:21,775 --> 00:26:22,975 That's right. 294 00:26:22,975 --> 00:26:26,975 All right, good luck. 295 00:26:27,277 --> 00:26:31,277 Go get 'em cowboy! 296 00:27:01,177 --> 00:27:02,278 Oh shit! 297 00:27:02,278 --> 00:27:06,276 Come on Gary act. You have the power. 298 00:27:23,980 --> 00:27:25,479 All right Gary. 299 00:27:25,479 --> 00:27:26,580 Told you he was top gun. 300 00:27:26,580 --> 00:27:28,580 I've never seen acting that good. 301 00:27:28,580 --> 00:27:32,581 He's amazing. 302 00:27:52,581 --> 00:27:55,094 We are Bashi rebels from the country of Somalia. 303 00:27:55,095 --> 00:27:56,806 Who are you? 304 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,880 My... name is Hakmed. 305 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:02,191 I am a terrorist. 306 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:08,684 Anybody know of any terrorist attacks coming up soon? 307 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,681 I sense that I am becoming attracted to Gary. 308 00:28:26,382 --> 00:28:29,054 My advise is not to get involved with the team members, Sarah. 309 00:28:29,088 --> 00:28:31,464 It's to painful to see them die. 310 00:28:32,883 --> 00:28:35,182 I am sorry Lisa I didn't mean to bring out... 311 00:28:35,182 --> 00:28:37,081 It's ok Sarah. 312 00:28:37,081 --> 00:28:39,181 I treasure your friendship. 313 00:28:39,181 --> 00:28:43,182 I treasure yours Lisa. 314 00:28:47,783 --> 00:28:51,782 Hey have you ever thought of telling Sarah how you feel? 315 00:28:51,782 --> 00:28:54,552 Ah, what would a girl like Sarah want with a... 316 00:28:54,553 --> 00:28:56,955 simple Nebraska Boy like me? 317 00:28:57,183 --> 00:29:01,184 I don't know nothing about fancy cars and fancy restaurants. 318 00:29:01,283 --> 00:29:05,283 Still I'd love to show her a full moon night on the corn fields. 319 00:29:19,785 --> 00:29:22,186 What do you know? 320 00:29:22,186 --> 00:29:25,384 I heard there might be a large terrorist attack. 321 00:29:25,384 --> 00:29:29,284 If you tell me what it is maybe I can help out. 322 00:29:29,284 --> 00:29:30,244 Get out of here! 323 00:29:30,244 --> 00:29:32,536 We have put a jihad on the infidels 324 00:29:32,537 --> 00:29:35,251 because they destroy our lives. 325 00:29:36,085 --> 00:29:40,084 What do you know about pain and sadness? 326 00:29:41,786 --> 00:29:48,406 Gary, Gary, Gary! 327 00:29:50,284 --> 00:29:52,974 I was just a boy when the infidels came to my village 328 00:29:52,976 --> 00:29:55,304 in their black hawk hellicopters. 329 00:29:56,885 --> 00:29:58,706 The infidels fired at the oil fields and 330 00:29:58,707 --> 00:30:01,142 they lit up like the eyes of Allah. 331 00:30:01,369 --> 00:30:03,235 Burning oil rained down from the sky 332 00:30:03,236 --> 00:30:04,895 and cooked everything it touched. 333 00:30:04,896 --> 00:30:06,867 I could only hide myself and cry... 334 00:30:06,868 --> 00:30:10,566 as my goats were consumed by the fiery black liquid death. 335 00:30:13,487 --> 00:30:14,842 In the midst of the chaos... 336 00:30:14,843 --> 00:30:19,756 I could swear that I heard my goats ... screaming for help. 337 00:30:21,887 --> 00:30:25,387 As quickly as they'd come the infidels were gone. 338 00:30:25,387 --> 00:30:29,387 It was on that day I put a jihad on them. 339 00:30:32,387 --> 00:30:33,906 And if you don't believe it 340 00:30:33,907 --> 00:30:36,206 then you better kill me now. 341 00:30:36,206 --> 00:30:39,972 Because I'll put a jihad on you too. 342 00:30:46,187 --> 00:30:50,187 I like you. You have balls. I like balls 343 00:30:53,988 --> 00:30:54,846 All right, listen carefully! 344 00:30:54,847 --> 00:30:57,571 The WMDs are located in a secret bunker 345 00:30:57,572 --> 00:30:59,595 20 yards east of this building. 346 00:30:59,595 --> 00:31:01,412 You can help us by grabbing it... 347 00:31:06,396 --> 00:31:08,052 Come! They're onto us. 348 00:31:08,052 --> 00:31:12,890 Hurry friend! We must make our escape. 349 00:31:14,089 --> 00:31:17,990 Shit! I've got 5 terrorists going southeast on Bacalacadaca street. 350 00:31:17,990 --> 00:31:20,056 Don't let them get away! 351 00:31:25,389 --> 00:31:27,789 I sense that Gary is trapped inside the tavern. 352 00:31:27,789 --> 00:31:31,789 Copy Sarah. You get Gary and we'll go after the terrorists. 353 00:31:31,790 --> 00:31:34,599 # America~ # 354 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,613 # -America # # -Fuck Yeah! # 355 00:31:37,614 --> 00:31:40,513 # Coming again to save the mother fucking day yeah~ # 356 00:31:40,514 --> 00:31:43,231 # -America # # -Fuck Yeah! # 357 00:31:43,232 --> 00:31:46,543 # Freedom is the only way yeah! # 358 00:31:47,423 --> 00:31:49,879 # It's the dream that we all share # 359 00:31:49,882 --> 00:31:54,729 # -It's the hope for tomorrow~ # # - Fuck Yeah! # 360 00:32:00,356 --> 00:32:03,256 Die infidels! 361 00:32:10,580 --> 00:32:11,570 They're not stopping. 362 00:32:11,543 --> 00:32:14,042 They had their chance. 363 00:32:22,093 --> 00:32:26,094 Missed wide right. 364 00:32:26,293 --> 00:32:28,791 One of the terrorist is trying to tell us something. 365 00:32:28,791 --> 00:32:31,094 It's me, it's me. 366 00:32:31,094 --> 00:32:34,493 Looks like he is saying "kiss me, kiss me". 367 00:32:34,493 --> 00:32:38,492 Smartass motherfucker 368 00:32:50,494 --> 00:32:51,793 Gary? 369 00:32:51,793 --> 00:32:53,094 An infidel. 370 00:32:53,094 --> 00:32:57,092 Get her! 371 00:33:05,194 --> 00:33:09,195 Gary? 372 00:33:10,596 --> 00:33:12,394 Sarah to Team America 4 373 00:33:12,394 --> 00:33:13,696 What you got Sarah? 374 00:33:13,696 --> 00:33:15,044 Gary isn't in the tavern. 375 00:33:15,045 --> 00:33:17,446 I think he maybe... with... terror... 376 00:33:17,447 --> 00:33:19,056 Say again Sarah. You're breaking up. 377 00:33:19,057 --> 00:33:20,729 Joe do you copy? 378 00:33:20,730 --> 00:33:22,588 I'll get him. 379 00:33:23,295 --> 00:33:24,746 Lisa? 380 00:33:27,794 --> 00:33:29,396 I lost her. 381 00:33:29,526 --> 00:33:30,713 It's all right. We'll kill these guys 382 00:33:30,714 --> 00:33:32,237 and we'll find out what she wants. 383 00:33:32,995 --> 00:33:36,996 All right. 384 00:33:41,596 --> 00:33:43,596 Hey, hey guys I think we should pull over. 385 00:33:43,596 --> 00:33:44,240 Pull over? 386 00:33:44,241 --> 00:33:45,383 Yes of course! 387 00:33:45,384 --> 00:33:46,695 Pull over let them pass us ... 388 00:33:46,696 --> 00:33:48,620 and when they turn around we charge them. 389 00:33:48,655 --> 00:33:52,596 I love your balls. 390 00:33:53,596 --> 00:33:55,329 Shit they got by me. 391 00:33:59,297 --> 00:34:00,698 What are we doing? 392 00:34:00,698 --> 00:34:02,612 This jeep is filled with explosives. 393 00:34:02,613 --> 00:34:05,238 We're going take their lives and our own. 394 00:34:05,239 --> 00:34:08,097 We... we gonna what? 395 00:34:08,097 --> 00:34:09,097 Hang on Joe! 396 00:34:09,097 --> 00:34:13,096 Die infidels! 397 00:34:21,898 --> 00:34:25,898 Suprise cockheads! 398 00:34:27,496 --> 00:34:31,498 Ahh! 399 00:34:41,398 --> 00:34:45,398 All right we fucking did it. 400 00:34:47,397 --> 00:34:48,504 Spottswoode, this is Lisa. 401 00:34:48,504 --> 00:34:52,205 Gary found the WMDs and the terrorists are down. 402 00:34:52,205 --> 00:34:56,200 Great job team. Head back to base for debriefing and cocktails. 403 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:04,400 This is breaking news with Peter Jennings. 404 00:35:04,499 --> 00:35:06,679 Team America has once again pissed off 405 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,502 the entire world after blowing up half of Cairo. 406 00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:12,828 And now some Hollywood celebrities are lashing out. 407 00:35:12,828 --> 00:35:16,235 Alec Baldwin is head of the Film Actors Guild. 408 00:35:17,300 --> 00:35:18,919 The Film Actors Guild believes that 409 00:35:18,919 --> 00:35:21,519 what the world needs is compassion not violence. 410 00:35:21,602 --> 00:35:25,600 All that Team America does is create new enemies. 411 00:35:25,999 --> 00:35:28,101 Let me explain to you how this works. 412 00:35:28,103 --> 00:35:31,215 You see the corporations finance Team America ... 413 00:35:31,216 --> 00:35:33,143 and then Team America goes out... 414 00:35:33,144 --> 00:35:34,999 and the Corporations sit there in their... 415 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,079 in their corporation buildings 416 00:35:37,112 --> 00:35:39,825 and ... and see that they are all corporationy 417 00:35:39,826 --> 00:35:41,474 and they make money. 418 00:35:42,602 --> 00:35:44,261 Last year I went to Iraq. 419 00:35:44,262 --> 00:35:47,163 Before Team America showed up it was a happy place. 420 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,820 They had flowery meadows and rainbow skies... 421 00:35:49,821 --> 00:35:52,004 and rivers made of chocolate where the children 422 00:35:52,005 --> 00:35:55,015 danced and laughed and played with gum drop smiles. 423 00:35:55,702 --> 00:35:57,414 The actors are calling for an emergency meeting. 424 00:35:57,415 --> 00:35:58,936 All ready excepted to attend are: 425 00:35:59,071 --> 00:36:00,237 Helen Hunt 426 00:36:00,238 --> 00:36:01,401 George Clooney 427 00:36:01,401 --> 00:36:02,501 Liv Tyler 428 00:36:02,501 --> 00:36:03,902 Martin Sheen 429 00:36:03,902 --> 00:36:05,202 Susan Sarandon 430 00:36:05,202 --> 00:36:06,503 Janeane Garofalo 431 00:36:06,503 --> 00:36:07,804 and Matt Damon 432 00:36:07,804 --> 00:36:10,703 Matt Damon 433 00:36:10,703 --> 00:36:11,460 In the mean time 434 00:36:11,460 --> 00:36:13,737 the world wants to deal with dangerous individuals... 435 00:36:13,900 --> 00:36:15,451 their own way. 436 00:36:33,705 --> 00:36:37,705 Hans Blix. Oh no! 437 00:36:38,105 --> 00:36:41,304 Oh hello. Great to see you again Hans. 438 00:36:41,304 --> 00:36:45,072 Mr. Ll, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today 439 00:36:45,073 --> 00:36:48,029 and you guards won't let me into certain areas. 440 00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:49,523 Hans, Hans, Hans! 441 00:36:49,525 --> 00:36:51,397 We being through this a dozen times! 442 00:36:51,398 --> 00:36:55,695 I don't have any weapons of mass destruction, ok Hans? 443 00:36:55,704 --> 00:36:56,681 Then let me look around 444 00:36:56,682 --> 00:36:59,054 so I can ease the U.N.'s collective mind. 445 00:36:59,304 --> 00:37:01,449 Hans, you are breaking my balls here, Hans... 446 00:37:01,450 --> 00:37:02,920 you are breaking my balls! 447 00:37:03,105 --> 00:37:05,317 I am sorry but the U.N. must be firm with you! 448 00:37:05,318 --> 00:37:09,020 Let me see your whole palace or else ... 449 00:37:09,306 --> 00:37:11,605 Or else what? 450 00:37:11,605 --> 00:37:15,205 Or else we will be very, very angry with you. 451 00:37:15,205 --> 00:37:19,206 And we will write you a letter telling you how angry we are. 452 00:37:20,606 --> 00:37:25,984 Ok! I will show you Hans, you ready? Stand a little to your left. 453 00:37:27,856 --> 00:37:28,904 Little more... 454 00:37:30,503 --> 00:37:31,211 Good! 455 00:37:37,837 --> 00:37:39,078 There you go Hans Blix! 456 00:37:39,078 --> 00:37:41,851 How you like that you fucking cock sucker? 457 00:37:44,606 --> 00:37:48,208 You have any idea how fucking busy I am Hans Blix? 458 00:37:48,208 --> 00:37:49,229 Well, fuck you! 459 00:37:49,230 --> 00:37:51,398 You want inspection? Well inspect that! 460 00:37:51,399 --> 00:37:53,748 You buttfucking piece of shit. 461 00:37:54,819 --> 00:37:57,118 What? You think I am just a petty arms dealer? 462 00:37:57,409 --> 00:37:58,877 I am planning the attack! 463 00:37:58,878 --> 00:38:01,193 Congratulations Team America! 464 00:38:01,194 --> 00:38:03,393 You have stopped nothing! 465 00:38:22,609 --> 00:38:25,682 Congratulations Gary. You've done an amazing thing. 466 00:38:25,961 --> 00:38:27,980 It will be years before the terrorists 467 00:38:27,981 --> 00:38:30,190 have the resources to attack again! 468 00:38:30,609 --> 00:38:33,109 We are going to be unstoppable with you on the team Gary. 469 00:38:33,109 --> 00:38:36,109 Terrorist your game is through. 470 00:38:36,109 --> 00:38:38,214 You're the best, Gary. 471 00:38:39,468 --> 00:38:42,625 When this terrorist shoots at us from the back of his jeep and... 472 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:45,102 You might have all the others fooled but not me. 473 00:38:45,103 --> 00:38:48,152 Your acting was reckless and it put us all in danger. 474 00:38:48,221 --> 00:38:49,662 The next time you pull a stunt like that... 475 00:38:49,663 --> 00:38:51,161 I'll drill two holes for your dick. 476 00:38:51,162 --> 00:38:51,955 So that when you pee 477 00:38:51,956 --> 00:38:53,944 it will shoot out in all directions. 478 00:38:53,945 --> 00:38:55,694 You got it? 479 00:38:57,911 --> 00:38:59,610 Hey Sarah do you mind if I dance with you? 480 00:38:59,610 --> 00:39:03,611 No of course not Joe. 481 00:39:11,312 --> 00:39:15,311 Joe do you think it's ok for team members to date? 482 00:39:15,912 --> 00:39:18,511 Sarah really? 483 00:39:18,511 --> 00:39:20,512 Yeah do you think it's all right? 484 00:39:20,512 --> 00:39:21,911 I think it's better than all right. 485 00:39:21,911 --> 00:39:25,913 - It's great. - Oh good. I'm so glad you think so. 486 00:39:39,412 --> 00:39:41,512 Gary, are you ok? 487 00:39:42,612 --> 00:39:46,613 I was just wondering if I can let go of an old painful memory. 488 00:39:48,212 --> 00:39:51,412 Is it anything you want to talk about? 489 00:39:51,412 --> 00:39:55,413 When I was a kid I always looked up to my older brother Tommy. 490 00:39:55,513 --> 00:39:58,494 He was the jock and I was the little performer. 491 00:39:59,611 --> 00:40:01,533 We were all at the zoo one day. 492 00:40:01,534 --> 00:40:03,680 I was doing some acting... 493 00:40:03,681 --> 00:40:06,265 walking on the railing of the gorilla exhibit. 494 00:40:06,266 --> 00:40:08,133 I fell in. 495 00:40:08,714 --> 00:40:11,285 Everyone screamed and Tommy jumped in after me 496 00:40:12,079 --> 00:40:14,983 forgetting that he had blueberries in his front pocket. 497 00:40:16,545 --> 00:40:18,011 The gorillas just went wild. 498 00:40:18,822 --> 00:40:20,621 They jumped all over his body... 499 00:40:20,622 --> 00:40:23,717 and threw him around like a rag doll to get to those blueberries. 500 00:40:24,613 --> 00:40:26,500 One gorilla would throw him to another gorilla 501 00:40:26,501 --> 00:40:29,101 who would toss him to another. 502 00:40:31,015 --> 00:40:33,752 Everyone panicked and cried out for somebody to help - but... 503 00:40:33,753 --> 00:40:35,053 it was too late... 504 00:40:35,587 --> 00:40:37,785 The gorillas beat him to death 505 00:40:37,786 --> 00:40:40,180 before the zoo keepers could gas them all. 506 00:40:43,791 --> 00:40:47,458 My acting got my brother killed. 507 00:40:47,458 --> 00:40:51,640 I had to live with that every single day. 508 00:40:52,415 --> 00:40:56,416 Gary you can't blame yourself for what the gorillas did. 509 00:40:56,716 --> 00:40:59,314 I think I can finally let it go, 510 00:40:59,314 --> 00:41:02,342 because... my acting saved the entire world. 511 00:41:02,377 --> 00:41:04,734 And something even better happened. 512 00:41:04,816 --> 00:41:06,449 What? 513 00:41:06,717 --> 00:41:10,715 I met somebody who ... took my breath away. 514 00:41:16,117 --> 00:41:19,016 Gary, no! 515 00:41:19,016 --> 00:41:19,950 I am sorry. 516 00:41:19,951 --> 00:41:23,768 It's just ... things are really complicated Gary. 517 00:41:24,217 --> 00:41:26,417 I know about Carson. 518 00:41:26,417 --> 00:41:29,018 I know how it feels. 519 00:41:29,018 --> 00:41:31,117 God I am so confused. 520 00:41:31,117 --> 00:41:34,918 It's too soon to be having feelings for you. 521 00:41:34,918 --> 00:41:39,971 Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't control them. 522 00:41:40,118 --> 00:41:41,631 But I have to control them 523 00:41:41,632 --> 00:41:44,697 because I can't go through losing somebody again. It's too painful! 524 00:41:44,918 --> 00:41:47,498 So... so what? You're just gonna shut down? 525 00:41:47,626 --> 00:41:51,819 I really like you - there's no chance we can ever be togther? 526 00:41:54,194 --> 00:41:57,468 Only if you could promise me you'll never die. 527 00:41:58,018 --> 00:42:00,118 You know I can't promise you that. 528 00:42:00,118 --> 00:42:04,120 If you did that I would make love to you right now. 529 00:42:08,218 --> 00:42:12,218 I promise. I will never die. 530 00:42:30,513 --> 00:42:34,600 # I need this, I need love, I need you~ # 531 00:42:37,204 --> 00:42:42,112 # I don't need one heartbeat, I need two~ # 532 00:42:43,778 --> 00:42:46,977 # There is an emptiness I need to fill~ # 533 00:42:46,979 --> 00:42:51,445 # And only one emptiness will do~ # 534 00:42:51,445 --> 00:42:53,977 # Only a woman~ # 535 00:42:53,978 --> 00:42:57,924 # Can brighten up my day~ # 536 00:42:57,925 --> 00:43:00,423 # Only a woman~ # 537 00:43:00,424 --> 00:43:05,075 # Can touch me the right way~ # 538 00:43:05,076 --> 00:43:07,579 # Only a woman~ # 539 00:43:07,580 --> 00:43:11,410 # Is allowed to touch me there~ # 540 00:43:12,053 --> 00:43:15,763 # All I ask is that you're a woman~ # 541 00:43:16,722 --> 00:43:20,221 Lisa you are the most amazing person I've ever met. 542 00:43:20,221 --> 00:43:21,443 It's only being a short time... 543 00:43:21,445 --> 00:43:22,993 but I think that I am completely in love... 544 00:43:22,994 --> 00:43:24,804 shhh 545 00:43:24,805 --> 00:43:27,322 Let's not talk. 546 00:43:27,322 --> 00:43:30,222 I can't help it. It just feels so right. 547 00:43:30,222 --> 00:43:31,922 I don't want anything to mess it up. 548 00:43:31,922 --> 00:43:34,722 shhh 549 00:43:34,722 --> 00:43:38,722 There is not a thing in the world that can mess this up. 550 00:45:27,229 --> 00:45:30,328 Team I'm afraid I have bad news. 551 00:45:30,328 --> 00:45:34,329 At 7:15 this morning the terrorists carried out their attack. 552 00:45:36,229 --> 00:45:37,128 What? 553 00:45:37,128 --> 00:45:41,128 But how can that be? Gary stopped the terrorists in Cairo. 554 00:45:41,128 --> 00:45:42,934 It appears now that Intelligence was wrong about 555 00:45:42,935 --> 00:45:45,018 the Chechenens being in charge. 556 00:45:46,002 --> 00:45:49,258 That was bad intelligence. Very bad intelligence! 557 00:45:49,258 --> 00:45:51,029 I am sorry. 558 00:45:51,729 --> 00:45:55,730 We have to find out who did this and take them down ... Fast. 559 00:45:56,330 --> 00:46:00,223 Sir I'm intercepting communications about the terrorist identities. 560 00:46:00,225 --> 00:46:01,477 On screen! 561 00:46:02,330 --> 00:46:06,329 This is breaking news with Peter Jennings. 562 00:46:06,329 --> 00:46:09,330 An attack in Panama today has left thousands dead. 563 00:46:09,330 --> 00:46:13,331 Taking credit were terrorists from Derkaderkastain. 564 00:46:13,430 --> 00:46:16,131 Of course Derkaderkastain. 565 00:46:16,131 --> 00:46:17,509 The terrorists claim that the attack was 566 00:46:17,510 --> 00:46:20,530 retaliation for Team America's action in Cairo. 567 00:46:20,831 --> 00:46:24,830 Alec Baldwin is rallying all the members of the Film Actors Guild. 568 00:46:25,131 --> 00:46:26,531 Alec Baldwin! 569 00:46:26,531 --> 00:46:27,330 Gary? 570 00:46:27,330 --> 00:46:31,332 He is ... he is my hero! The single greatest actor of all time. 571 00:46:32,132 --> 00:46:35,331 Who is to blame for these attack at Panama? 572 00:46:35,331 --> 00:46:38,936 The terrorists? The person who supplied them with the WMDs? 573 00:46:38,937 --> 00:46:43,036 No! Blame Team America! 574 00:46:44,133 --> 00:46:46,126 their reckless disregard in Cairo... 575 00:46:46,128 --> 00:46:48,211 brought on this violence today! 576 00:46:48,212 --> 00:46:49,212 Team America ... 577 00:46:49,344 --> 00:46:53,032 the blood of the victims of Panama is on your hands. 578 00:46:56,831 --> 00:46:58,418 Moved by Alec Baldwin's impassionate speech 579 00:46:58,419 --> 00:47:03,898 hundreds of people turned out at Mountain Rushmore today to protest. 580 00:47:06,033 --> 00:47:08,245 Hey that's here. 581 00:47:08,246 --> 00:47:10,721 Tom! It looks like filmmaker Michael Moore 582 00:47:10,722 --> 00:47:14,185 is also jumping on the fuck Team America bandwagon! 583 00:47:15,533 --> 00:47:17,300 Protesting is not enough! 584 00:47:17,301 --> 00:47:21,596 We must take radical action against the fascists in our own country! 585 00:47:21,633 --> 00:47:25,633 Bring it down, bring it all down! 586 00:47:30,734 --> 00:47:33,954 Team, if the Dekaderkastanies have weapons of mass destruction 587 00:47:33,956 --> 00:47:37,206 I am afraid it could be 911 times a thousand. 588 00:47:37,834 --> 00:47:39,433 Jesus you mean ... 589 00:47:39,433 --> 00:47:43,434 Yes! 911,000. 590 00:47:44,335 --> 00:47:46,335 Then forget all this assholes. We got work to do. 591 00:47:46,335 --> 00:47:49,233 Yes let's get Gary valmorphinized so we can use his acting. 592 00:47:49,234 --> 00:47:54,713 My acting? My acting! My acting just got a thousand people killed! 593 00:47:54,835 --> 00:47:56,733 Jesus I've done it again. 594 00:47:56,733 --> 00:47:59,834 Pull yourself together Gary. We need you now more than ever. 595 00:47:59,834 --> 00:48:01,835 I'm through with this. 596 00:48:01,835 --> 00:48:02,435 Gary you can't go. 597 00:48:02,437 --> 00:48:03,867 Without you the team is doomed! 598 00:48:03,868 --> 00:48:07,397 Remember there is no "I" in Team America. 599 00:48:07,735 --> 00:48:10,189 Yes there is. 600 00:48:12,536 --> 00:48:14,069 I know it's hard Gary... 601 00:48:14,070 --> 00:48:17,106 but you are still the only hope to stop these newer terrorists. 602 00:48:17,236 --> 00:48:20,137 Why me? Why am I the only one? 603 00:48:20,137 --> 00:48:22,235 Because you are the one with the power to do so. 604 00:48:22,235 --> 00:48:25,048 But I don't want the fucking power. 605 00:48:26,791 --> 00:48:27,755 I don't want the guilt! 606 00:48:27,756 --> 00:48:28,921 I don't want the shame and... 607 00:48:28,922 --> 00:48:31,250 I don't want the responsibility! 608 00:48:31,435 --> 00:48:33,701 Then what about all the things you promised last night? 609 00:48:34,379 --> 00:48:36,485 You said you'd never leave! 610 00:48:36,936 --> 00:48:40,938 I said I'd never die, but now I'm dead inside. 611 00:48:42,835 --> 00:48:46,836 You slept with Gary? 612 00:48:46,836 --> 00:48:48,138 Sarah ... 613 00:48:48,138 --> 00:48:52,137 But you knew I liked Gary. I told you. 614 00:48:52,337 --> 00:48:56,338 You like Gary? Oh, I see... 615 00:48:57,737 --> 00:48:59,639 I didn't plan on it happening Sarah. 616 00:48:59,639 --> 00:49:02,738 Save it Lisa. 617 00:49:02,738 --> 00:49:06,238 You see all I do is hurt people. 618 00:49:06,238 --> 00:49:07,850 Gary you didn't kill your brother! 619 00:49:07,851 --> 00:49:10,310 Those gorillas did! 620 00:49:13,833 --> 00:49:16,738 I'm sorry I'm not the man you think I am. 621 00:49:16,738 --> 00:49:19,053 I'm just bad news. 622 00:49:20,127 --> 00:49:23,008 I'ill never act again. 623 00:49:29,940 --> 00:49:31,939 Fuck him! We don't need an actor. 624 00:49:31,939 --> 00:49:35,031 We can take out the Derkaderkastainies the old fashion way. 625 00:49:35,032 --> 00:49:37,396 No! It will be a suicide mission. 626 00:49:37,397 --> 00:49:38,657 That's all right... 627 00:49:38,658 --> 00:49:42,727 I feel a little bit like dying. 628 00:49:44,739 --> 00:49:48,740 God damn it Gary. 629 00:49:52,145 --> 00:49:57,441 # -America # # -Fuck Yeah! # 630 00:49:57,442 --> 00:50:03,807 # Coming again to save the mother fucking day yeah~ # 631 00:50:03,808 --> 00:50:08,974 # -America # # -Fuck Yeah! # 632 00:50:08,975 --> 00:50:15,290 # Freedom is the only way yeah! # 633 00:50:15,291 --> 00:50:19,967 # Terrorists your game is through~ # 634 00:50:19,968 --> 00:50:25,787 # 'cause now you have to answer to~ # 635 00:50:26,992 --> 00:50:31,871 # -America # # -Fuck Yeah! # 636 00:50:31,872 --> 00:50:36,571 # -America # # -Fuck... # 637 00:50:36,572 --> 00:50:41,826 Gary! Help me! Get this thing off me! Gary! 638 00:50:44,502 --> 00:50:47,269 All right team we are near Derkaderkastain! 639 00:50:48,085 --> 00:50:49,983 Let's get ready! 640 00:50:51,045 --> 00:50:53,989 Look out! We got terrorist aircraft. 641 00:50:59,645 --> 00:51:01,586 There is only 5 of them, team. This should be easy. 642 00:51:01,587 --> 00:51:05,244 Korean aircraft at 1:00 o'clock. 643 00:51:05,244 --> 00:51:09,244 What are they doing here? 644 00:51:11,542 --> 00:51:14,243 Shoot them down - like dogs. 645 00:51:14,243 --> 00:51:18,245 Kim Jong-Il ... why is he helping terrorists? 646 00:51:25,244 --> 00:51:27,040 I've got one on my tail. 647 00:51:28,316 --> 00:51:29,748 I got you Sarah! 648 00:51:34,433 --> 00:51:36,584 Bring in the submarines! 649 00:51:39,046 --> 00:51:40,472 What the hell? 650 00:51:40,473 --> 00:51:42,791 Somebody is shooting at us from the water! 651 00:51:42,792 --> 00:51:44,312 It must be a Korean sub. 652 00:51:44,501 --> 00:51:46,188 Chris you get to take him out. 653 00:51:46,189 --> 00:51:47,994 I am already on it. 654 00:51:54,421 --> 00:51:56,173 These guys really snuck up on us. 655 00:51:56,174 --> 00:51:58,782 Yeah there is a lot of that going around lately. 656 00:51:59,046 --> 00:52:01,547 Sarah you know I didn't mean to hurt you. 657 00:52:01,547 --> 00:52:05,546 No you just didn't care if you did. 658 00:52:05,547 --> 00:52:06,970 Now come on Sarah that isn't fair! 659 00:52:07,643 --> 00:52:10,217 Lisa can't help it if Gary has feelings for her. 660 00:52:10,447 --> 00:52:14,447 Just like nobody can help it if you have feelings for Gary. 661 00:52:17,861 --> 00:52:19,867 What is that supposed to mean? 662 00:52:20,137 --> 00:52:21,069 Oh come on Sarah! 663 00:52:21,070 --> 00:52:23,675 You mean you never realized that Joe has feelings for you? 664 00:52:27,070 --> 00:52:30,177 Joe? But you're like a brother to me. 665 00:52:31,105 --> 00:52:33,447 That's all I ever am ... like a brother. 666 00:52:33,447 --> 00:52:37,448 It isn't fair. 667 00:52:40,767 --> 00:52:43,049 Hang on team. Someone has broken into the hangar. 668 00:52:43,304 --> 00:52:44,262 Baxter? 669 00:52:44,386 --> 00:52:46,434 Hey Team America. 670 00:52:46,435 --> 00:52:48,409 I got something for you! 671 00:52:48,674 --> 00:52:50,128 What the hell? 672 00:52:50,249 --> 00:52:52,587 Prepare to die! 673 00:52:55,019 --> 00:53:03,201 Jesus titty fucking Christ! 674 00:53:03,649 --> 00:53:07,149 Spottswoode! 675 00:53:07,149 --> 00:53:08,665 Oh my god! 676 00:53:09,593 --> 00:53:10,793 No ... 677 00:53:11,049 --> 00:53:12,483 he can't be dead. 678 00:53:13,448 --> 00:53:15,150 We've lost Intelligence. 679 00:53:15,150 --> 00:53:18,148 I repeat ... we have no Intelligence. 680 00:53:18,148 --> 00:53:19,550 Their computers are down. 681 00:53:19,550 --> 00:53:23,549 Attack! 682 00:53:25,150 --> 00:53:26,449 Sarah! 683 00:53:26,449 --> 00:53:30,451 I sense I'm going down. 684 00:53:30,769 --> 00:53:32,536 Sarah! God! Chris you gotta help her! 685 00:53:32,537 --> 00:53:33,550 I am on it. 686 00:53:33,550 --> 00:53:34,950 Just hang on Sarah! 687 00:53:37,850 --> 00:53:40,350 Oh fuck, I've been hit. 688 00:53:40,350 --> 00:53:42,652 Chris, come in! 689 00:53:42,652 --> 00:53:44,251 Oh Jesus I am hit. 690 00:53:44,158 --> 00:53:44,869 Lisa! 691 00:53:44,871 --> 00:53:45,393 Going down! 692 00:53:45,394 --> 00:53:47,448 God damn it. I am gonna to have to breach. 693 00:53:51,251 --> 00:53:54,449 I am going to hit the water. 694 00:53:54,449 --> 00:53:56,550 Missile lock - I got missile lock! 695 00:53:56,550 --> 00:53:58,253 I gotta bail out! 696 00:53:58,253 --> 00:54:02,253 Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 697 00:54:14,852 --> 00:54:16,133 Salvage their ships! 698 00:54:16,135 --> 00:54:20,349 - If you find anyone alive... you know what to do with them. - Yeah! 699 00:54:22,155 --> 00:54:23,719 Terrorists on screen. 700 00:54:25,753 --> 00:54:29,653 Ok, who blew up Panama Canal? 701 00:54:29,654 --> 00:54:31,954 We were angry about Cairo. 702 00:54:31,954 --> 00:54:34,053 God damn it how many times do I have to tell you. 703 00:54:34,054 --> 00:54:37,154 You don't use the WMDs until you see the signal. 704 00:54:37,154 --> 00:54:38,876 I've worked 10 years on this plan. 705 00:54:39,172 --> 00:54:42,052 And it's a very precise and a complicated plan. 706 00:54:42,052 --> 00:54:44,106 I am sick of you terrorist fucking it up. 707 00:54:44,107 --> 00:54:46,063 Now take the weapons where I told you... 708 00:54:46,064 --> 00:54:48,385 and wait for the God damn signal this time! 709 00:54:48,386 --> 00:54:50,094 Good bye! 710 00:54:51,554 --> 00:54:55,553 Why is everyone so fucking stupid? 711 00:54:55,754 --> 00:54:59,754 Why aren't there more people intelligent like me? 712 00:55:01,254 --> 00:55:03,140 I am ... so ... 713 00:55:03,141 --> 00:55:05,436 # lonely~ # 714 00:55:05,437 --> 00:55:07,398 # so lonely~ # 715 00:55:07,399 --> 00:55:11,452 # so lonely and sadly alone~ # 716 00:55:11,453 --> 00:55:15,670 # get no one, just me only~ # 717 00:55:15,671 --> 00:55:19,508 # sitting on my little throne~ # 718 00:55:19,509 --> 00:55:24,144 # I work very hard and make out great plans~ # 719 00:55:24,145 --> 00:55:28,519 # but nobody listens no one understands~ # 720 00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:35,063 # seems like no one takes me seriously~ # 721 00:55:35,064 --> 00:55:39,165 # and so... I'm lonely~ # 722 00:55:39,166 --> 00:55:42,402 # eheh, a little lonely ... # 723 00:55:43,368 --> 00:55:49,042 # poor little me~ # 724 00:55:53,017 --> 00:55:57,511 # there's no body, I can relate to~ # 725 00:55:57,512 --> 00:56:01,337 # feel like a bird in the cage~ # 726 00:56:01,338 --> 00:56:05,327 # it's kind of silly, but not reary~ # 727 00:56:05,328 --> 00:56:09,596 # because it's filling my body with rage~ # 728 00:56:09,995 --> 00:56:14,201 # I'm the smartest, most clever and most physically fit!~ # 729 00:56:14,201 --> 00:56:18,452 # but no body else seems to realize it~ # 730 00:56:18,453 --> 00:56:25,104 # when I changed the world maybe they'll notice me~ # 731 00:56:25,105 --> 00:56:26,490 # and until then # 732 00:56:26,491 --> 00:56:29,246 # I'll just be lonely~ # 733 00:56:30,407 --> 00:56:33,460 # yeah... a little lonely # 734 00:56:33,461 --> 00:56:39,611 # poor little me~ # 735 00:56:42,674 --> 00:56:50,957 # I'm... so ... lonely~ # 736 00:57:05,490 --> 00:57:07,408 # what would you do~ # 737 00:57:07,409 --> 00:57:11,848 # if you were asked to give up your dreams for freedom~ # 738 00:57:13,030 --> 00:57:16,424 # what would you do,If asked to make the ultimate sacrifice~ # 739 00:57:16,935 --> 00:57:19,960 Hey weren't you the actor in that Broadway show? 740 00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:23,961 Hey yeah it is you do that scene where everyone gets AIDS: 741 00:57:24,359 --> 00:57:28,260 I don't act anymore. I gave that up. 742 00:57:28,260 --> 00:57:29,361 Oh come on man. Just a scene. 743 00:57:29,361 --> 00:57:35,522 I said get away from me. I am completely lost. I've hit rock bottom. 744 00:57:35,662 --> 00:57:38,602 Easy, easy ho. You gotta calm down there Chuck. 745 00:57:38,604 --> 00:57:41,436 I hurt people. I am a dick. 746 00:57:41,921 --> 00:57:44,510 Oh, being a dick isn't so bad. 747 00:57:44,511 --> 00:57:48,936 There are three kinds of people. Dicks, pussies, and assholes. 748 00:57:49,261 --> 00:57:51,079 Pussies think everyone can get along. 749 00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:54,262 And dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. 750 00:57:54,562 --> 00:57:56,760 But then you get your assholes Chuck! 751 00:57:56,761 --> 00:58:00,572 And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything. 752 00:58:01,063 --> 00:58:03,627 So pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while 753 00:58:03,627 --> 00:58:06,429 because pussies get fucked by dicks. 754 00:58:06,762 --> 00:58:10,363 But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. 755 00:58:10,363 --> 00:58:13,162 And if they didn't fuck the assholes you know what you get? 756 00:58:13,162 --> 00:58:17,164 You get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit. 757 00:58:18,264 --> 00:58:22,262 All right that does it. Get out of here you drunk low life! 758 00:58:28,563 --> 00:58:32,563 Get out of here I said! 759 00:58:39,113 --> 00:58:46,063 Lisa! Lisa? Lisa are you here? 760 00:58:46,896 --> 00:58:49,479 Get out of the street you fuking bum! 761 00:58:55,031 --> 00:58:57,727 You gave up on life didn't you? 762 01:00:21,053 --> 01:00:22,434 My fellow actors! 763 01:00:22,435 --> 01:00:24,443 We live in a dark time. 764 01:00:24,444 --> 01:00:26,999 The world is becoming more and more violent 765 01:00:27,117 --> 01:00:29,452 and the idoits in charge are making it worse. 766 01:00:29,453 --> 01:00:33,273 What the world needs is an international advisory committee 767 01:00:33,274 --> 01:00:36,099 who truly understands global politics. 768 01:00:36,368 --> 01:00:40,842 - Namely ... us. - erg!erg!erg! 769 01:00:41,362 --> 01:00:45,369 The time has come for us to start using our acting talents in a different way. 770 01:00:45,771 --> 01:00:49,281 Yes we can use our powers to change the world. 771 01:00:49,281 --> 01:00:52,123 erg!erg!erg! 772 01:00:52,124 --> 01:00:55,815 We'll persuade everyone to drive hybrid cars and stop smoking. 773 01:00:55,816 --> 01:00:58,595 If we focus our acting on global politics 774 01:00:58,597 --> 01:01:00,738 we can change everything and stuff! 775 01:01:00,739 --> 01:01:03,885 erg!erg!erg! 776 01:01:04,079 --> 01:01:08,271 As actors it's our responsibility to read the newspapers 777 01:01:08,271 --> 01:01:12,271 and then say what we read on television like it's our own opinion. 778 01:01:12,872 --> 01:01:14,417 Matt Damon 779 01:01:14,841 --> 01:01:16,442 We'll all done action films. 780 01:01:16,442 --> 01:01:18,159 If anyone tries to get in our way 781 01:01:18,159 --> 01:01:20,530 we'll show them how tough we actors really are. 782 01:01:20,531 --> 01:01:25,466 erg!erg!erg! 783 01:01:25,467 --> 01:01:27,696 I am glad you all agree 784 01:01:27,696 --> 01:01:31,553 because I've just been contacted by a very important political leader 785 01:01:31,554 --> 01:01:34,276 who is bringing all the world leaders together 786 01:01:34,277 --> 01:01:37,213 for a massive international peace conference 787 01:01:37,214 --> 01:01:41,172 and he wants us to be the keynote speakers. 788 01:01:41,173 --> 01:01:43,992 erg!erg!erg! 789 01:01:44,073 --> 01:01:45,910 Matt Damon! 790 01:01:45,911 --> 01:01:47,727 erg!erg!erg! 791 01:01:47,727 --> 01:01:50,693 Say hello to our new partner! 792 01:01:50,727 --> 01:01:53,311 Hello? 793 01:01:53,312 --> 01:01:57,345 erg!erg!erg! 794 01:02:01,775 --> 01:02:05,821 Stop it! Stop it! You are killing him. 795 01:02:06,274 --> 01:02:08,674 I am gonna fucking kill you. 796 01:02:08,674 --> 01:02:10,932 You are not in the position to kill anyone, 797 01:02:10,933 --> 01:02:13,581 my red, white and blue friend. 798 01:02:14,374 --> 01:02:18,315 So you are the bastard planning 911 times a thousand. 799 01:02:18,374 --> 01:02:20,730 No, you think so small. 800 01:02:20,732 --> 01:02:25,027 You see, I am about to have an elaborate peace ceremony! 801 01:02:25,271 --> 01:02:29,475 And while all the world's most important peoples are distracted here 802 01:02:29,674 --> 01:02:31,975 I will detonate the WMDs 803 01:02:31,975 --> 01:02:35,975 which I have given to terrorists all around the globe. 804 01:02:37,376 --> 01:02:41,375 It will be 911 times 2356. 805 01:02:43,675 --> 01:02:47,673 My god! That's... I don't even know what that is. 806 01:02:48,375 --> 01:02:50,475 Nobody does. 807 01:02:50,475 --> 01:02:51,775 You heartless bastard! 808 01:02:51,775 --> 01:02:53,376 Why would you do such a thing. 809 01:02:53,376 --> 01:02:55,336 Because then there will be balance! 810 01:02:55,336 --> 01:02:58,138 Every country will be a Third World country! 811 01:02:58,351 --> 01:03:02,675 Just imagine it. All around the world there will be massive explosions. 812 01:03:04,177 --> 01:03:07,475 With nobody to guide them the people will break out into panic and 813 01:03:07,475 --> 01:03:12,901 rioting all over the earth the true nature of humanity is unleashed. 814 01:03:13,300 --> 01:03:18,265 Dog eats dog as everyone attacks everyone and fends only for themselves. 815 01:03:18,576 --> 01:03:21,178 Global stability unravels. 816 01:03:21,178 --> 01:03:25,179 By the time my show is over it will be far too late. 817 01:03:33,078 --> 01:03:33,974 Your plan will fail! 818 01:03:33,975 --> 01:03:37,580 You will never keep the world leaders distracted here for 9 hours! 819 01:03:37,717 --> 01:03:39,177 Oh no? 820 01:03:39,177 --> 01:03:43,178 I've got Alec Baldwin. 821 01:03:43,377 --> 01:03:45,066 Dear god! 822 01:03:45,067 --> 01:03:48,078 You are the last of a dying breed ... 823 01:03:48,304 --> 01:03:50,877 the flag waving Americans. 824 01:03:50,877 --> 01:03:54,878 Well your little dream will soon be over. 825 01:03:55,079 --> 01:03:57,979 I must get back planning the ceremony now. 826 01:03:57,979 --> 01:03:59,763 The film actors are on their way. 827 01:03:59,763 --> 01:04:03,140 Perhaps they'll stop in and say hello! 828 01:04:04,963 --> 01:04:10,171 Having so little faith in humanity must make you a very lonely man. 829 01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:20,580 You shall have a front row seat. 830 01:04:20,580 --> 01:04:22,879 Bring her upstairs! 831 01:04:22,879 --> 01:04:25,179 Leave her alone you son of a bitch! 832 01:04:25,179 --> 01:04:29,180 Lisa, I treasure your friendship. 833 01:04:29,780 --> 01:04:33,160 Ah! Somebody has to stop this. 834 01:04:39,482 --> 01:04:44,094 # I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark # 835 01:04:44,095 --> 01:04:47,427 # When he made Pearl Harbor # 836 01:04:47,429 --> 01:04:52,311 # I miss you more than that movie missed the point # 837 01:04:52,312 --> 01:04:56,428 # And that's an awful lot girl, and now~ # 838 01:04:56,429 --> 01:04:59,144 # now you've gone away~ # 839 01:05:00,592 --> 01:05:03,308 # All I'm trying to say~ # 840 01:05:03,309 --> 01:05:05,765 # is Pearl Harbor sucked # 841 01:05:05,766 --> 01:05:09,945 # and I miss you~ # 842 01:05:12,467 --> 01:05:16,901 # I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school~ # 843 01:05:16,903 --> 01:05:20,281 # He was terrible in that film! # 844 01:05:20,282 --> 01:05:24,938 # I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part~ # 845 01:05:25,747 --> 01:05:29,572 # He's way better than Ben Affleck and now~ # 846 01:05:29,573 --> 01:05:33,038 # all I can think about is your smile~ # 847 01:05:33,039 --> 01:05:36,094 # and that shitty movie too~ # 848 01:05:36,095 --> 01:05:38,575 # Pearl Harbour sucked~ # 849 01:05:39,052 --> 01:05:43,165 # and I miss you~ # 850 01:05:44,982 --> 01:05:48,127 # Pearl Harbour sucked~ # 851 01:05:49,864 --> 01:05:55,892 # just a little bit more than I miss you~ # 852 01:05:56,384 --> 01:06:00,385 Oh my god! What the hell happened? 853 01:06:18,884 --> 01:06:22,884 Hello? Anybody? 854 01:06:23,826 --> 01:06:26,644 Greetings Mr. Johnston. 855 01:06:26,853 --> 01:06:29,086 Intelligence! What the hell happened? 856 01:06:29,086 --> 01:06:33,085 Our base was attacked by a giant socialist weasel. 857 01:06:33,586 --> 01:06:34,931 But where is the team? 858 01:06:34,932 --> 01:06:39,524 They have been taken prisoner by Kim Jong-Il in North Korea. 859 01:06:39,525 --> 01:06:41,812 I have intercepted communications that... 860 01:06:41,813 --> 01:06:45,377 he is planning the massive attack during a peace ceremony. 861 01:06:45,916 --> 01:06:49,187 Don't move protestor or I will blow your commy brains out. 862 01:06:49,187 --> 01:06:50,787 Spottswoode? 863 01:06:50,787 --> 01:06:51,922 Johnston? 864 01:06:52,527 --> 01:06:53,872 What the hell are you doing here? 865 01:06:53,873 --> 01:06:55,310 Get away from Intelligence! 866 01:06:55,487 --> 01:06:57,806 I am using it to blow up North Korea. 867 01:06:57,807 --> 01:06:59,787 No! The team is in North Korea. 868 01:06:59,787 --> 01:07:04,020 I know and so are the triggers to WMDs poised all around the globle 869 01:07:04,826 --> 01:07:07,082 My only opinion now is to blow up Kim Jong-Il... 870 01:07:07,083 --> 01:07:09,318 and everything around him before he can set them off. 871 01:07:09,837 --> 01:07:12,821 Intelligence, initiate detonation sequences on the ships. 872 01:07:12,888 --> 01:07:14,247 You'll kill them all! 873 01:07:14,504 --> 01:07:16,402 It's what they would want me to do Gary! 874 01:07:16,764 --> 01:07:17,952 They would happily give their lives... 875 01:07:17,953 --> 01:07:20,349 for the good of the world - something you don't understand. 876 01:07:20,589 --> 01:07:21,934 There has to be another way. 877 01:07:22,306 --> 01:07:24,793 There is nobody left to stop Kim Jong-Il. 878 01:07:25,851 --> 01:07:27,595 Let me go! 879 01:07:28,501 --> 01:07:31,690 You? You are a butt fucking quitter! 880 01:07:31,987 --> 01:07:33,294 You walked out Gary. 881 01:07:33,388 --> 01:07:34,459 The team went on a mission without you and... 882 01:07:34,460 --> 01:07:36,450 without an actor they were like pigs to the slaughter. 883 01:07:36,451 --> 01:07:39,366 I am suppose to leave the fate of the world in your hands? 884 01:07:39,367 --> 01:07:41,879 I know I walked out but I'd do anything to take it back! 885 01:07:41,880 --> 01:07:43,571 Please just let me help! 886 01:07:43,880 --> 01:07:45,563 You've done enough 887 01:07:45,675 --> 01:07:48,608 Please! Spottswoode you have to believe in me! 888 01:07:50,990 --> 01:07:53,389 I want to believe in you Gary. 889 01:07:53,389 --> 01:07:54,989 I really do. 890 01:07:54,989 --> 01:07:58,289 But you've let me down before. 891 01:07:58,289 --> 01:08:02,290 Please! How can I make you trust me? 892 01:08:03,190 --> 01:08:05,803 I remembered the first time we met. 893 01:08:05,804 --> 01:08:08,400 You were a simple Broadway actor afraid to get in my limo 894 01:08:08,400 --> 01:08:11,832 because you thought I wanted you to perform oral sex on me. 895 01:08:12,134 --> 01:08:14,472 Do you remember that? 896 01:08:14,490 --> 01:08:16,052 Yeah 897 01:08:16,653 --> 01:08:18,735 But now the tables are turned 898 01:08:18,735 --> 01:08:21,614 and I don't know if I can trust you. 899 01:08:23,328 --> 01:08:26,832 Just give me a chance. 900 01:08:29,569 --> 01:08:32,657 Alright! I will trust you... 901 01:08:33,108 --> 01:08:37,993 but only if you will perform oral sex on me. 902 01:08:39,718 --> 01:08:40,691 What? 903 01:08:40,691 --> 01:08:44,690 Right here, right now. 904 01:08:45,291 --> 01:08:46,691 You can't be serious. 905 01:08:46,691 --> 01:08:48,492 Oh I am serious. 906 01:08:48,492 --> 01:08:52,492 Look, this is my serious face. 907 01:08:53,890 --> 01:08:54,676 What will that prove? 908 01:08:54,815 --> 01:08:57,793 It will prove that you are truly ready to lay everything on the line 909 01:08:57,794 --> 01:09:00,251 To throw away all you inhibitions and give 100 percent 910 01:09:00,253 --> 01:09:01,847 We must go back to the first night we met 911 01:09:01,894 --> 01:09:03,892 that first issue of trust. Don't you see? 912 01:09:03,892 --> 01:09:06,092 No, I thought you weren't gay. 913 01:09:06,092 --> 01:09:08,993 This isn't about sex Gary ... it's about trust! 914 01:09:08,993 --> 01:09:10,156 It is the eye of the needle Gary! 915 01:09:10,156 --> 01:09:11,782 And we must both pass through it. 916 01:09:17,093 --> 01:09:21,094 Ok, let's do it. 917 01:09:21,493 --> 01:09:23,418 Ah, make sure nobody is watching. 918 01:09:23,800 --> 01:09:25,508 Yeah, looks clear. 919 01:09:26,094 --> 01:09:28,593 Ok, go! 920 01:09:29,185 --> 01:09:30,961 There must be another way 921 01:09:30,961 --> 01:09:32,989 Huh, I guess you won't do everything ... 922 01:09:32,990 --> 01:09:34,849 to take it all back, will you Gary? 923 01:09:34,995 --> 01:09:37,494 No, no, no ... wait ... hold on! 924 01:09:37,494 --> 01:09:41,494 You are saying if I do that you'll let me help the team? 925 01:09:42,695 --> 01:09:46,693 I will give you all the time I can! 926 01:09:48,396 --> 01:09:51,195 Ok, let's do it! 927 01:09:51,195 --> 01:09:53,295 Here we go. 928 01:09:53,295 --> 01:09:57,295 And go! 929 01:10:23,831 --> 01:10:27,978 You are dedicated. Now let's go get cleaned up! 930 01:10:27,980 --> 01:10:30,526 If you are going to storm Kim Jong-Il's palace single-handed... 931 01:10:30,527 --> 01:10:33,630 we have to make you a complete solider in very little time. 932 01:10:34,751 --> 01:10:36,537 How we gonna do that? 933 01:10:36,799 --> 01:10:41,097 I think I know just what we need. 934 01:10:44,203 --> 01:10:50,078 # The hours approaching, just give it your best. You got to reach your prime. # 935 01:10:50,079 --> 01:10:53,401 # That's when you need to put yourself to the test # 936 01:10:53,402 --> 01:10:55,810 # and show us a passage of time~ # 937 01:10:55,811 --> 01:10:59,548 # We're going to need a montage~ # # -montage~ # 938 01:10:59,549 --> 01:11:03,111 # - wu~ it takes a montage~ # # - montage~ # 939 01:11:03,112 --> 01:11:05,931 # Show a lot of things happening at once # 940 01:11:05,932 --> 01:11:09,689 # - Remind everyone of what's going on~ # # - what's going on? # 941 01:11:09,690 --> 01:11:12,574 # And with every shot you show a little improvement~ # 942 01:11:12,575 --> 01:11:14,895 # To show it all would take to long~ # 943 01:11:14,895 --> 01:11:18,720 # - that's called a montage~ # # - montage~ # 944 01:11:18,721 --> 01:11:22,342 # - Girl we want montage~ # # - montage~ # 945 01:11:22,343 --> 01:11:25,131 # And anything that we want to go~ # 946 01:11:25,132 --> 01:11:28,336 # from just a beginner to a pro~ # 947 01:11:28,337 --> 01:11:30,737 # - You need a montage~ # # - montage~ # 948 01:11:30,738 --> 01:11:34,868 # - even rocky had a montage~ # # - montage~ # 949 01:11:34,869 --> 01:11:40,879 # - Always fade out in a montage~ # # - montage~ # 950 01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:47,945 # - If you fade out, it seems like more time has passed in a montage~ # # - montage~ # 951 01:11:58,300 --> 01:12:00,300 Ladies and gentlemen ... 952 01:12:00,300 --> 01:12:03,358 the Film Actor Guild and Kim Jong-Il are pleased... 953 01:12:03,359 --> 01:12:08,799 to welcome you to the international world peace ceremony. 954 01:12:10,472 --> 01:12:12,757 The most important people form every country 955 01:12:12,758 --> 01:12:17,207 are gathered here in solidarity to celebrate peace. 956 01:12:17,586 --> 01:12:20,190 There will be music, dancing, and of course... 957 01:12:20,192 --> 01:12:22,821 the biggest stars in Hollywood! 958 01:12:23,301 --> 01:12:27,301 In the box to your left is the mastermind of this spectacular show. 959 01:12:27,902 --> 01:12:31,600 The multi-talented Kim Jong-Il 960 01:12:31,600 --> 01:12:34,413 Hello, hello. 961 01:12:34,924 --> 01:12:39,202 And now we present you the very best in Northern Korean Music. 962 01:12:58,903 --> 01:13:02,264 10 years of planning and finally the night is here. 963 01:13:02,265 --> 01:13:03,937 The terrorists know to be in position... 964 01:13:03,938 --> 01:13:06,400 by the time Alec Baldwin takes the stage. 965 01:13:06,646 --> 01:13:10,704 That's when I trigger all the WMDs to go up at the same time. 966 01:13:10,828 --> 01:13:12,525 When you see Alec Baldwin... 967 01:13:12,526 --> 01:13:16,628 You will see the true ugliness of human nature. 968 01:13:17,318 --> 01:13:20,370 Your plan will never work. Something will stop it. 969 01:13:21,593 --> 01:13:24,592 You stupid naive team Americans ... 970 01:13:24,593 --> 01:13:26,572 You believe in true love and happy endings... 971 01:13:26,573 --> 01:13:29,774 even while the world around you spirals downward! 972 01:13:30,632 --> 01:13:34,903 Sometimes believing is all we have. 973 01:13:36,776 --> 01:13:38,981 And as the leaders of your countries ... 974 01:13:38,982 --> 01:13:41,239 you have the power to bring the world together... 975 01:13:41,240 --> 01:13:44,948 under the principles of the Film Actors Guild. 976 01:13:45,214 --> 01:13:48,613 You're gonna to knock 'em dead Alec. 977 01:13:48,613 --> 01:13:51,495 10 minutes Mr. Baldwin 978 01:14:01,309 --> 01:14:02,986 Who the hell are you? 979 01:14:03,133 --> 01:14:04,882 I am with the Film Actors Guild 980 01:14:04,883 --> 01:14:06,505 here to help the broadcast 981 01:14:06,505 --> 01:14:08,307 Then you show credentials? 982 01:14:08,307 --> 01:14:10,384 Hey! You don't need to see my credentials. 983 01:14:10,506 --> 01:14:12,566 I left them at home and I am running late. 984 01:14:13,611 --> 01:14:14,913 I believe him. 985 01:14:14,949 --> 01:14:16,233 Yeah, me too! 986 01:14:16,407 --> 01:14:18,367 Ok let him go. 987 01:14:18,669 --> 01:14:22,008 My god, his acting is better than ever. 988 01:14:37,108 --> 01:14:41,108 Don't worry fellas, I've got my pass right here! 989 01:14:50,467 --> 01:14:52,322 Please Mr. Sheen and Mr. Robbins ... 990 01:14:52,322 --> 01:14:54,608 you don't understand what Kim Jong-Il is doing! 991 01:14:54,608 --> 01:14:58,366 Shut up we have explicit instructions to watch you. 992 01:14:58,367 --> 01:15:00,646 Yeah! we are supposed to be guards. 993 01:15:00,648 --> 01:15:01,559 We are guards. 994 01:15:01,560 --> 01:15:03,686 Guards, we are guards. 995 01:15:03,687 --> 01:15:05,509 We are guards. 996 01:15:05,509 --> 01:15:08,808 Mr. Sheen, Mr. Robbins! Someone has broken into the main hall. 997 01:15:08,808 --> 01:15:09,608 What? 998 01:15:09,608 --> 01:15:13,610 Come on Martin! 999 01:15:21,807 --> 01:15:23,109 Gary? 1000 01:15:23,109 --> 01:15:24,710 What the fuck are you doing here? 1001 01:15:24,710 --> 01:15:25,810 Guys, are you all right? 1002 01:15:25,810 --> 01:15:27,511 Where is Lisa? 1003 01:15:27,511 --> 01:15:30,010 What the heck do you care? You walked out on her. 1004 01:15:30,010 --> 01:15:31,609 Look, I wanna make things right. 1005 01:15:31,609 --> 01:15:33,510 Here, Spottswoode's monitoring from the base. 1006 01:15:33,510 --> 01:15:35,310 Spottswoode is dead, Gary. 1007 01:15:35,310 --> 01:15:36,711 Not as dead as you think. 1008 01:15:36,711 --> 01:15:37,710 Spottswoode 1009 01:15:37,710 --> 01:15:40,111 Yes I am here, Joe. 1010 01:15:40,111 --> 01:15:42,010 All right you are alive. 1011 01:15:42,010 --> 01:15:43,811 Great to hear your voices again. 1012 01:15:43,811 --> 01:15:46,411 Now we've got to get Lisa and stop Kim Jong-Il. 1013 01:15:46,411 --> 01:15:48,394 I am not going anywhere with this fucking traitor. 1014 01:15:48,394 --> 01:15:50,947 Yeah! What makes you think we'll take your backing? Douchebag? 1015 01:15:50,982 --> 01:15:52,186 We are doing this without you. 1016 01:15:52,310 --> 01:15:53,641 Now hold on team! 1017 01:15:53,642 --> 01:15:57,512 Gary has already proven to me that he is 100 percent committed to the team. 1018 01:15:57,512 --> 01:16:00,721 He proved it last night by sucking my cock. 1019 01:16:04,429 --> 01:16:08,612 All right... come on team we got to find that stage! 1020 01:16:08,612 --> 01:16:10,311 Look how much they love my show! 1021 01:16:10,311 --> 01:16:14,312 The entire audience is so captivated! 1022 01:16:20,112 --> 01:16:24,113 Now you see the new world is inevitable. 1023 01:16:24,411 --> 01:16:26,012 It's what? 1024 01:16:26,012 --> 01:16:28,113 Inev... inevitable... 1025 01:16:28,113 --> 01:16:29,012 One more time? 1026 01:16:29,012 --> 01:16:30,111 Inevitable! 1027 01:16:30,111 --> 01:16:32,912 Things are inevitably going to change! 1028 01:16:32,912 --> 01:16:35,473 God damn it! Open your fucking ears! 1029 01:16:37,534 --> 01:16:38,834 5 minutes Mr. Baldwin. 1030 01:16:38,978 --> 01:16:40,206 Thank you! 1031 01:16:40,209 --> 01:16:41,665 Alec! We have a problem! 1032 01:16:42,184 --> 01:16:44,058 Team America escaped. 1033 01:16:44,799 --> 01:16:45,614 What? 1034 01:16:45,614 --> 01:16:47,814 You fools! They'll ruin everything! 1035 01:16:47,814 --> 01:16:50,491 We better warn everyone they will be headed here. 1036 01:16:50,492 --> 01:16:53,542 No! We can't look weak and powerless! 1037 01:16:53,543 --> 01:16:56,777 If violence is all those bastards understand then violence they'll get. 1038 01:16:57,087 --> 01:16:59,180 Every actor grab a gun and keep Team America... 1039 01:16:59,180 --> 01:17:01,528 from reaching this ceremony at all costs! 1040 01:17:06,684 --> 01:17:09,918 I swear they won't reach the stage. 1041 01:17:27,416 --> 01:17:28,362 Jesus! 1042 01:17:28,626 --> 01:17:29,435 What have we got? 1043 01:17:29,514 --> 01:17:32,357 Looks like George Clooney and Liv Tyler, 20 yards. 1044 01:17:34,000 --> 01:17:36,645 Look out, Ethan Hawke and Janeane Garofalo. 1045 01:17:42,469 --> 01:17:43,651 Drop your weapon! 1046 01:17:44,277 --> 01:17:46,003 Fucking die! 1047 01:17:48,360 --> 01:17:49,429 Got to split up! 1048 01:17:49,430 --> 01:17:50,578 Sarah you and Gary go that way! 1049 01:17:50,579 --> 01:17:51,624 Chris and I will go right. 1050 01:17:51,625 --> 01:17:55,641 No I think I'd rather team up with you Joe. 1051 01:17:57,049 --> 01:17:59,342 I guess you are with me cock fag. 1052 01:18:01,416 --> 01:18:02,268 Danny Glover 1053 01:18:02,269 --> 01:18:04,649 Come on Penn we must protect the show! 1054 01:18:04,683 --> 01:18:05,875 Right! 1055 01:18:06,657 --> 01:18:07,917 The stage must be that way- 1056 01:18:07,917 --> 01:18:11,917 No Joe, Sarah it's a trap! 1057 01:18:15,917 --> 01:18:17,818 Very impressive war mongers. 1058 01:18:17,818 --> 01:18:21,817 Now let's see how Kim Jong-Il's panthers treat you. 1059 01:18:25,518 --> 01:18:29,519 I went to Iraq you know? 1060 01:18:33,216 --> 01:18:34,263 Susan Sarandon 1061 01:18:34,834 --> 01:18:37,318 Oh thank god. We have to stop the ceremony! 1062 01:18:37,318 --> 01:18:38,719 Kim Jong-Il is mad! 1063 01:18:38,719 --> 01:18:41,018 Here let me loose. I will show you where the theater is! 1064 01:18:41,018 --> 01:18:42,218 All right! 1065 01:18:42,218 --> 01:18:43,719 No! Chris stay away from her! 1066 01:18:43,719 --> 01:18:44,419 Fuck you! 1067 01:18:44,419 --> 01:18:45,519 She wants to help us. 1068 01:18:45,519 --> 01:18:46,920 No Chris. 1069 01:18:46,920 --> 01:18:47,919 She is acting. 1070 01:18:47,919 --> 01:18:50,419 I am not. 1071 01:18:50,419 --> 01:18:53,321 The others tied me up because I won't go along with their plans! 1072 01:18:53,322 --> 01:18:55,919 Your skills are fading with age, Miss Sarandon. 1073 01:18:57,610 --> 01:19:01,620 You shall die a peasant's death! 1074 01:19:09,819 --> 01:19:11,820 Jesus titty fucking Christ! 1075 01:19:11,820 --> 01:19:13,921 I could have sworn she was telling the truth! 1076 01:19:13,921 --> 01:19:15,519 That's why they call it acting. 1077 01:19:15,519 --> 01:19:17,990 Come on, we gotta find Lisa. 1078 01:19:17,991 --> 01:19:22,121 I was 19 year old when the musical Cats came to our town. 1079 01:19:22,320 --> 01:19:25,521 I couldn't wait to see it. 1080 01:19:25,521 --> 01:19:27,502 After the show I was asked if I wanted to go meet... 1081 01:19:27,503 --> 01:19:29,433 some of the performers backstage. 1082 01:19:30,120 --> 01:19:31,822 Man I was thrilled. 1083 01:19:31,822 --> 01:19:33,496 But when I get back there ... 1084 01:19:33,497 --> 01:19:36,339 they were drunk and out of control. 1085 01:19:36,621 --> 01:19:40,221 Rumpus Cat and Macavity kept feeling up my leg. 1086 01:19:40,484 --> 01:19:43,137 I tried to leave but Rumpleteaser held me down and... 1087 01:19:45,002 --> 01:19:49,490 I was raped by Mr.Mistoffeles. 1088 01:19:52,045 --> 01:19:56,042 That's why you don't trust actors. 1089 01:19:58,114 --> 01:20:00,622 I am sorry I've been so hard on you. 1090 01:20:00,675 --> 01:20:02,602 If there is still a world left after this is all over 1091 01:20:02,603 --> 01:20:05,348 I'd like to buy you are a beer. 1092 01:20:08,054 --> 01:20:11,954 Come on let's go! We are running out of time. 1093 01:20:14,477 --> 01:20:18,621 Sarah, before we die I want to finally tell you that I love you. 1094 01:20:19,924 --> 01:20:23,923 No. No, I am not going to let it end like this! 1095 01:20:24,324 --> 01:20:28,060 We are not your enemy, furry ones. You will not attack us. 1096 01:20:28,062 --> 01:20:29,688 Sarah, that isn't going to work. 1097 01:20:29,689 --> 01:20:31,985 You don't really have mental powers. 1098 01:20:31,986 --> 01:20:34,186 Your captors are behind you Shibas. 1099 01:20:34,186 --> 01:20:36,287 Show your anger to them. 1100 01:20:49,524 --> 01:20:50,824 Oh no. 1101 01:20:50,824 --> 01:20:54,825 No, no. 1102 01:20:57,425 --> 01:21:01,425 Sarah you did it. 1103 01:21:02,726 --> 01:21:05,225 Wait! Hold on! 1104 01:21:05,225 --> 01:21:07,725 Spottswoode, I think we just found the entrance to the theater. 1105 01:21:07,725 --> 01:21:09,283 Have Sarah and Joe lock on... Oh! 1106 01:21:10,485 --> 01:21:11,101 Gary 1107 01:21:13,225 --> 01:21:14,626 Actors, halt! 1108 01:21:14,626 --> 01:21:16,026 Helen Hunt 1109 01:21:16,026 --> 01:21:17,726 Samuel L. Jackson 1110 01:21:17,726 --> 01:21:20,866 Matt Damon 1111 01:21:21,201 --> 01:21:22,664 Motherfucker! 1112 01:21:24,756 --> 01:21:26,794 Gary, Chris, come in! 1113 01:21:28,621 --> 01:21:33,426 And now Ladies and Gentlemen ... Mr. Alec Baldwin. 1114 01:21:45,503 --> 01:21:48,347 We are here to usher in a new era without violence. 1115 01:21:48,348 --> 01:21:51,121 By following the rules of the Film Actors Guild 1116 01:21:51,122 --> 01:21:53,627 the world can become a better place 1117 01:21:53,627 --> 01:21:57,525 that handles dangerous people with talk and reasoning 1118 01:21:57,827 --> 01:22:01,451 That is the FAG way. 1119 01:22:01,451 --> 01:22:05,828 One day you will look at the world that us actors created and say: 1120 01:22:05,928 --> 01:22:11,999 "Wa, good going FAG! You really made the world a better place. 1121 01:22:12,029 --> 01:22:13,787 Didn't you FAG? 1122 01:22:13,788 --> 01:22:16,128 Yeah, Alec Baldwin. 1123 01:22:16,129 --> 01:22:18,628 Too bad there won't be a world left. 1124 01:22:18,628 --> 01:22:20,558 Oh god, no! 1125 01:22:20,696 --> 01:22:25,429 You see, no prince charming rode in on a white stallion to save the day. 1126 01:22:25,886 --> 01:22:27,609 This is the real world. 1127 01:22:28,563 --> 01:22:32,692 I am afraid your world is over ... 1128 01:22:32,693 --> 01:22:34,358 In 5 minutes! 1129 01:22:37,234 --> 01:22:40,131 Yes the ticking clock. 1130 01:22:42,068 --> 01:22:46,430 Sorry Team America but you see ... we must live in a time of peace. 1131 01:22:46,925 --> 01:22:49,392 Put down the gas can now! 1132 01:22:49,625 --> 01:22:51,134 Kill them! 1133 01:22:55,221 --> 01:22:57,163 Jackson 1134 01:22:59,332 --> 01:23:03,330 Team, you've got to hurry. 1135 01:23:07,431 --> 01:23:10,132 Let's go bitch! I've done action films. 1136 01:23:10,132 --> 01:23:14,132 Come on! 1137 01:23:33,773 --> 01:23:35,612 Matt Damon 1138 01:23:46,138 --> 01:23:49,349 Come on! Stop trying to hit me and hit me! 1139 01:23:55,500 --> 01:23:57,650 Don't fucking move! 1140 01:23:57,922 --> 01:24:02,333 Now isn't that a shame? You came so close to stopping peace ... 1141 01:24:02,433 --> 01:24:05,533 but you see peace always finds a way. 1142 01:24:05,533 --> 01:24:07,445 Goodbye Team America. 1143 01:24:07,675 --> 01:24:10,787 I've just got one piece of bad news for you Robbins. 1144 01:24:10,788 --> 01:24:12,833 What's that? 1145 01:24:12,833 --> 01:24:16,832 I am a smoker. 1146 01:24:32,938 --> 01:24:34,297 Now that the world is going to be run peacefully ... 1147 01:24:34,298 --> 01:24:36,959 we should all drive hybird cars. 1148 01:24:36,959 --> 01:24:39,158 Right now families are gathering in parks, 1149 01:24:39,158 --> 01:24:40,990 children are walking to school, 1150 01:24:41,136 --> 01:24:43,005 friends are sitting in movie theaters. 1151 01:24:43,007 --> 01:24:47,331 all completely unaware that the world is about to change forever. 1152 01:24:47,766 --> 01:24:50,079 All because of me! 1153 01:24:52,346 --> 01:24:55,834 Stop that man! 1154 01:24:55,834 --> 01:24:57,635 Gary 1155 01:24:57,635 --> 01:24:59,134 Team America? 1156 01:24:59,134 --> 01:25:00,535 God damn it! 1157 01:25:00,535 --> 01:25:01,994 Sorry to interrupt the show everyone 1158 01:25:01,996 --> 01:25:03,875 but Kim Jong-Il is an international criminal! 1159 01:25:03,876 --> 01:25:05,431 We are here to arrest him! 1160 01:25:05,432 --> 01:25:07,138 Oh no you are not! 1161 01:25:07,139 --> 01:25:11,535 This is a peace conference and if you even try to touch Kim Jong-Il, 1162 01:25:12,636 --> 01:25:16,636 this audience and I will rise up against you. 1163 01:25:19,975 --> 01:25:20,878 Team there is no time! 1164 01:25:20,879 --> 01:25:24,050 You have to convince that audience to let you do your job! 1165 01:25:26,435 --> 01:25:28,627 Gary you've got to take the stage. 1166 01:25:28,673 --> 01:25:30,998 No, I can't upstage Alec Baldwin... 1167 01:25:30,999 --> 01:25:32,639 He is the best actor in the world! 1168 01:25:32,639 --> 01:25:34,338 You have to try. 1169 01:25:34,172 --> 01:25:35,836 I am not that good. 1170 01:25:36,037 --> 01:25:40,038 Actually! You are the finest actor I've never met. 1171 01:25:48,875 --> 01:25:52,938 Come on Gary! Hurry, you've got to act fast. 1172 01:25:55,187 --> 01:25:59,239 I know you all don't like Team America a whole lot right now but ... 1173 01:25:59,239 --> 01:26:03,239 Kim Jong-Il is a lot worse. 1174 01:26:04,738 --> 01:26:08,238 You can't outact me boy. Don't even try! 1175 01:26:08,238 --> 01:26:10,379 For the truth is that Team America fights... 1176 01:26:10,380 --> 01:26:12,721 for the billion dollar corporations! 1177 01:26:13,000 --> 01:26:18,686 They are just as bad as the enemies they fight. 1178 01:26:21,281 --> 01:26:22,793 No we aren't! 1179 01:26:22,794 --> 01:26:24,857 We are dicks! 1180 01:26:29,203 --> 01:26:33,240 We are reckless arrogent stupid dicks. 1181 01:26:34,239 --> 01:26:38,241 And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. 1182 01:26:39,841 --> 01:26:43,840 And Kim Jong-Il is an asshole. 1183 01:26:45,641 --> 01:26:47,742 Pussies don't like dicks 1184 01:26:47,742 --> 01:26:50,640 because pussies get fucked by dicks. 1185 01:26:50,640 --> 01:26:54,640 But dicks also fuck assholes. 1186 01:26:54,741 --> 01:26:58,443 Assholes who just want to shit on everything. 1187 01:26:58,443 --> 01:27:01,841 Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. 1188 01:27:01,841 --> 01:27:03,665 But the only thing that can fuck an asshole... 1189 01:27:03,666 --> 01:27:07,469 is a dick... with some balls. 1190 01:27:10,541 --> 01:27:11,805 The problem with dicks... 1191 01:27:11,806 --> 01:27:14,175 is sometimes they fuck too much! 1192 01:27:14,175 --> 01:27:16,750 Or fuck when it isn't appropiate... 1193 01:27:16,751 --> 01:27:19,441 Yes Gary, yes! 1194 01:27:19,441 --> 01:27:22,541 And it takes a pussy to show him that. 1195 01:27:22,541 --> 01:27:24,560 But sometimes pussies get so full of shit... 1196 01:27:24,561 --> 01:27:26,772 that they become assholes themselves! 1197 01:27:27,635 --> 01:27:31,942 Because pussies are only an inch and half away form assholes. 1198 01:27:33,442 --> 01:27:36,254 I don't know much in this crazy crazy world... 1199 01:27:36,256 --> 01:27:38,454 but I do know ... 1200 01:27:38,842 --> 01:27:42,842 that if you don't let us fuck this asshole, 1201 01:27:43,143 --> 01:27:47,145 we are going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit. 1202 01:28:06,144 --> 01:28:10,144 Stop what you are doing Kim Jong-Il! 1203 01:28:10,444 --> 01:28:13,645 Do something Alec Baldwin! 1204 01:28:13,645 --> 01:28:17,644 The global warming and corporate America ... 1205 01:28:18,146 --> 01:28:22,145 Quiet you! You are worthless Alec Baldwin! 1206 01:28:31,625 --> 01:28:32,738 Don't fucking move! 1207 01:28:32,739 --> 01:28:35,469 You were all going to be treated to a fabulous show! 1208 01:28:35,545 --> 01:28:39,085 - But now party is over for I am the great Kim Jong-Il. - Lisa! 1209 01:28:39,445 --> 01:28:43,446 And I am the greatest terrorist ever to have lived. 1210 01:28:43,846 --> 01:28:47,846 Terrorize this! 1211 01:29:00,947 --> 01:29:01,947 Lisa, are you ok? 1212 01:29:01,947 --> 01:29:05,046 No Gary. The coundown - you have to stop it. 1213 01:29:05,046 --> 01:29:06,147 What do I do? 1214 01:29:06,147 --> 01:29:10,146 Hit the big cancel button! 1215 01:29:14,748 --> 01:29:16,450 Gary, how did you manage this? 1216 01:29:16,450 --> 01:29:17,348 Spottswoode helped me. 1217 01:29:17,348 --> 01:29:18,246 Spottswoode? 1218 01:29:18,246 --> 01:29:19,447 He is alive? 1219 01:29:19,447 --> 01:29:21,716 Lisa ... I am crazy about you! 1220 01:29:21,717 --> 01:29:23,453 - Will you please forgive me If I can just ... - Shhh! 1221 01:29:23,643 --> 01:29:26,427 You had me a dicks fuck assholes. 1222 01:29:27,136 --> 01:29:29,997 Attention! Attention Everyone! 1223 01:29:29,997 --> 01:29:32,691 All of you in the audience should go to your homes now. 1224 01:29:32,847 --> 01:29:34,140 Your countries need you! 1225 01:29:34,315 --> 01:29:35,854 But the world will be safe! 1226 01:29:36,116 --> 01:29:37,437 Thanks to a briliant actor... 1227 01:29:37,438 --> 01:29:41,949 named Gary Johnston. 1228 01:29:58,978 --> 01:30:01,697 Let me explain to you the kind of man Gary is. 1229 01:30:02,479 --> 01:30:03,424 He is a man who knows... 1230 01:30:03,426 --> 01:30:05,361 that when you put another man's cock in your mouth... 1231 01:30:05,362 --> 01:30:06,361 you make a pact! 1232 01:30:06,835 --> 01:30:08,749 A bond that cannot be broken! 1233 01:30:09,412 --> 01:30:10,760 He is the man so dedicated... 1234 01:30:10,761 --> 01:30:12,276 that he will get down on his knees... 1235 01:30:12,277 --> 01:30:14,393 and put that cock right into his mouth! 1236 01:30:16,752 --> 01:30:18,251 Wait a minute! Look! 1237 01:30:23,929 --> 01:30:27,250 You have not had the last of Kim Jong-Il. 1238 01:30:27,250 --> 01:30:30,550 I will return. 1239 01:30:30,550 --> 01:30:34,551 You shall see, I will be back. 1240 01:30:39,851 --> 01:30:43,114 So long earthlings! 1241 01:30:44,852 --> 01:30:47,951 We'll be here waiting for you, Kim Jong-Il. 1242 01:30:47,951 --> 01:30:49,752 All right you guys. I hate to break up this little party 1243 01:30:49,752 --> 01:30:52,552 but there is still a lot of bad guys out there. 1244 01:30:52,552 --> 01:30:56,553 Well then let's go show the bad guys that the police are back in force. 1245 01:30:56,952 --> 01:31:02,651 Fuck yeah! 1246 01:31:02,652 --> 01:31:06,651 - =TLF-DivX subTeam=- Listening (English subtitle): rasputin Listenin/Translation/Adjusting: KeKe 1247 01:31:06,652 --> 01:31:10,653 improved by curious 1248 01:31:10,653 --> 01:31:21,761 TLF subTeam Presents. Thank you for viewing TLF Chinese subtitle website http://tlfsubs.eastgame.net