1 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,107 - What's that? - It's a cup. 2 00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:18,549 What, a new cup? 3 00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:20,678 Yeah, I got a new cup. Do you like it? 4 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,154 - We've got a cup. - Yeah, we've got one cup. 5 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,713 We needed two cups. 6 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,055 Why would we need two cups? 7 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,821 So I can have a cup of tea at the same time as you. 8 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,694 Bret, do you even pay any attention to the cup roster? 9 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:31,822 Your cup roster. 10 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,732 That means I can't drink a cup of tea between 7:00 and 9:00 PM. 11 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,134 Well, I have it till 9:00 and then you get it for two hours. 12 00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:39,195 Then I use it from 11:00 till 1:00. 13 00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:40,797 Then you use it from 1:00 till 3:00. 14 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,205 I have to wait till 1:00 if I want to have another cup. 15 00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:43,732 And then we give the cup a rest. 16 00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:46,143 It was only $2.79. 17 00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:48,739 - $2.79? - Yeah, I thought it was quite good. 18 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:53,218 Okay, well, I just need a second to calm down. 19 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,153 It's all right, isn't it? 20 00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,013 I suppose. 21 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,061 Bret. 22 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,865 - Bret. - Mm-hmm? 23 00:01:43,903 --> 00:01:45,871 Our check for the phone bill bounced. 24 00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:48,533 It says here on our bank statement 25 00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:53,808 that our account was short $2.79. 26 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,815 How much was that cup again? 27 00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,214 $2.79. 28 00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:00,310 Oh, that's quite interesting, isn't it? 29 00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:02,981 Well, because our check bounced, 30 00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:04,751 we got charged a $30 overdraft fee 31 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,385 which made our gas bill bounce. 32 00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:09,395 Yeah, that's boring, man. 33 00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:12,796 Yes, but the point is because of your $2.79 spending spree, 34 00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:16,063 we now owe $60 and our phone and gas are gonna be cut off. 35 00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:18,263 Stink. 36 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,974 Ah. We got a letter from the electricity company. 37 00:02:23,009 --> 00:02:25,603 What did it say? 38 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:28,546 Didn't read it. 39 00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:37,318 All right. 40 00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:39,348 Nice dressing room. 41 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,686 Bret, where's your guitar? 42 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:45,129 Hm? 43 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,759 You should have a guitar. 44 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,734 I sold it to pay the bills. 45 00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:51,498 You can't go on like that. 46 00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:53,972 Won't it sound weird just with the big guitar that Jemaine plays? 47 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,497 The bass. It's called a bass. 48 00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:57,635 Well, I call it the dad guitar, 'cause it's more like a... 49 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,611 "I'm your dad. Hey, Murray, 50 00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:02,843 get into the shed and get the mower... do the lawn." 51 00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:05,942 You need Bret's mum guitar to add the beautiful tones. 52 00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:07,452 "Come on, now. Murray's okay. 53 00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,921 He's with me. Why you get home so late, Gordon?" 54 00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:12,049 "I was having a few beers." 55 00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:13,615 Lt'll sound fine. 56 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,629 It won't sound fine, Bret. You've got no guitar. 57 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:18,790 How does it sound then? 58 00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:20,731 I can hardly hear it. 59 00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:26,733 You'd have to be deaf to hear that. 60 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:30,140 # The humans are dead... # 61 00:03:30,176 --> 00:03:32,667 # The humans are dead # 62 00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:36,409 # We used poisonous gases... # 63 00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:40,949 Oh, good news. 64 00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:43,751 The new New Zealand consulate newsletter is out. 65 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:46,554 - Oh, who cares? - You should care, Jemaine. 66 00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:48,390 - Well, I don't. - Shall I read the music review section? 67 00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:49,827 - If you must. - What? 68 00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:52,831 "Conchords Crash and Burn." 69 00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:55,197 Doesn't sound too good. "By Murray Hewitt." 70 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,726 - You wrote this? - "The Flight of the Conchords..." 71 00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:59,260 - What? - "...have great potential, 72 00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:02,172 but last night, playing with only one guitar, 73 00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:04,938 the dad guitar or "bass" in muso terms, 74 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:08,505 and one air guitar which was mimed, 75 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,675 they were a musical embarrassment. 76 00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:12,685 - Two stars." - Two stars? 77 00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:14,346 - Two stars. - You can't give us two stars, Murray. 78 00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:15,979 Two out of five stars? 79 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:17,512 Well, I wish it was, 80 00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,024 but it's out of 100. 81 00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:20,855 Hmm. 82 00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:22,861 - Oh, I thought it was out of five. - Don't tell people that. 83 00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:24,726 Say it's out of five. 84 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,528 Can we use the emergency band fund to get my guitar back? 85 00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,535 Well, that's... 86 00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,628 that's actually tied up in an investment at the moment. 87 00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,571 What's this investment? 88 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:36,006 It's a friend of mine from Nigeria. 89 00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:38,909 - Nigel Soladu. - When did you go to Nigeria? 90 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,913 Well, I didn't go. That's the best bit. 91 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,915 He just randomly sent me an internet letter 92 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,884 offering me a business opportunity and I went with it. 93 00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:48,352 In a few days' time, he'll return the money I invested 94 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,912 plus 1,000% interest 95 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,220 and a share of his family fortunes. 96 00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:54,123 - It's a scam. - It is not a scam. 97 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,128 Why would someone want to scam me, Jemaine, 98 00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:58,130 and on the internet service, 99 00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:00,598 one of the trusted things of today's society? 100 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,427 Have you got any food here? 101 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,028 Oh, you want a couple of biscuits, do you? 102 00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:08,939 Okay, we can order some. 103 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,637 Just fill out this. 104 00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:13,646 Put how many biscuits you want, your name, 105 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,375 and you'll have to bring in some ID. 106 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,747 That gets sent back to Wellington. 107 00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:19,718 We'll have your biscuits by Tuesday. 108 00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:26,891 Who's gonna want to buy one of those, Bret? 109 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,257 Mainly people who need to drink from far away. 110 00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:32,526 Superstraws! 111 00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:34,897 - Well, hello, guys. - Hey, Mel. 112 00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:37,494 I will have a superstraw, please. 113 00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,198 - Awesome. - Here we go. 114 00:05:39,238 --> 00:05:41,706 - Thank you. - Hey, great gig the other night. 115 00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:45,541 I noticed, Bret, you didn't have a guitar. 116 00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:47,546 Is that something that you forgot? 117 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:49,514 Or are you trying it out 118 00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:52,609 or is that just something I'll have to get used to? 119 00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,950 I sold it to get some money. 120 00:05:54,987 --> 00:05:57,785 Wow, that's so romantic... 121 00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:01,624 two struggling musicians living in poverty 122 00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:05,222 and despair, selling their instruments. 123 00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:08,324 I know it sounds good, but it's actually pretty depressing. 124 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,360 All our utilities were cut off because Bret bought a cup. 125 00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:14,965 Oh, well, I could give you guys some money. 126 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:16,770 - Yeah? - Thanks, Mel. 127 00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:19,334 I mean, you would have to earn it, of course. 128 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,246 I mean, I wouldn't insult you by giving you charity. 129 00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:23,839 What do we have to do? 130 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,579 Do you guys... 131 00:06:26,619 --> 00:06:28,951 do massage? 132 00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,787 - Bret does. - No. 133 00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:33,052 - I don't. You do. - Bret does. 134 00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:34,684 - I don't, but Bret does. - He does. 135 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,558 - Jemaine's the one for that. - Bret always does that. 136 00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,325 - I've seen you do it. - Bret's always massaging. 137 00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:40,457 Bret's a real good masseuse. 138 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,162 Okay then. Well, Bret, 139 00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:45,830 I will see you at my place at 4:30? 140 00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:47,840 Huh? 141 00:06:55,114 --> 00:06:57,048 Should I lay down? 142 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,142 No no, this is good. 143 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:02,154 Maybe I should take off some clothes, so you could... 144 00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:04,088 No no, that's good. 145 00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:07,024 Whoo! Hey, Bret, when does the massage start? 146 00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:09,027 When do you touch me? 147 00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:11,029 I'm just doing it very gently 148 00:07:11,063 --> 00:07:13,054 - to begin with. - Are you? 149 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,795 I can't really feel it. I wanna feel it. 150 00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:17,325 I'm trying to... 151 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,895 - Just stay in your seat. - Okay, all right. 152 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,305 Are you sure Doug's gonna be okay with this? 153 00:07:22,341 --> 00:07:25,208 Yeah, it's just a massage. Doug will be fine with it. 154 00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:28,111 Yeah, I'm fine with it. 155 00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:31,984 Unless I start feeling something, 156 00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:35,078 I guess I'm not gonna be able to pay you $30. 157 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,851 I'll do it. 158 00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,689 Oh yeah. Wow. 159 00:07:41,727 --> 00:07:43,820 Oh, you are good at this. 160 00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:48,830 You're like a samurai, like a massage samurai. 161 00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:50,267 I'm just patting her. 162 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,329 Oh, I feel like I've hired a gigolo. 163 00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:56,170 I'm just kidding. I would never hire... 164 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:59,269 I mean, I would, I would, but I wouldn't pay you. 165 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,610 I would. I would pay you so much money. 166 00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,207 I'm just kidding. That's not who I am. 167 00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:06,343 That's not what I'm about. 168 00:08:06,385 --> 00:08:08,319 I'm joking. I'm not. 169 00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:10,254 I am. I'm not. 170 00:08:10,289 --> 00:08:12,052 Oh wow. 171 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,454 Bret, you know how you told me you were good at sex? 172 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,793 Are you? 173 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,593 That was just 'cause you asked me in front of Sally. 174 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:21,657 Right, yeah. Okay. 175 00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:23,669 Well, you were lying then. 176 00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,728 - No, I was exaggerating a little bit. - Lying. 177 00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:29,070 - No, exaggerating. - Well, maybe Mel's right. 178 00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:30,632 Maybe we could be prostitutes. 179 00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:33,577 Prostitution is a quick way of making money. 180 00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:37,314 It is not degrading. 181 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,341 It is not degrading. 182 00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:41,376 - Have you seen "Pretty Woman"? - No. 183 00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:45,584 Well, it's a story about a prostitute called Richard Gere 184 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,788 who gets to go out with a "pretty woman" Julia Roberts 185 00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,455 who pays him a lot of money. 186 00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:52,589 Do you think Julia Roberts is a pretty woman? 187 00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,293 Yes. 188 00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:56,392 Well, imagine getting to have sex with women 189 00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:59,268 similar to Julia Roberts and getting paid for it. 190 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,737 Jemaine, I don't think we're gonna get sex and get paid. 191 00:09:03,776 --> 00:09:06,802 - Why not? - 'Cause we never get sex or get paid. 192 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,679 Bret, the ladies go crazy for my sugarlumps. 193 00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:12,650 - Your what? - Check it out. 194 00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:14,812 All the ladies are just checking out my sugarlumps. 195 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,695 # Let me tell you # 196 00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:26,129 # I see you girls checking out my trunks # 197 00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:28,463 # I see you girls checking out the front of my trunks # 198 00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:31,265 # I see you girls looking at my junk then checking out my rump # 199 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,498 # Then back to my sugarlumps # 200 00:09:32,538 --> 00:09:34,665 # When I shake it, I shake it all up # 201 00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:36,868 # You probably think that my pants have the mumps # 202 00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:38,672 # It's just my sugarlumps, bump-ba-bumps # 203 00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:40,838 # They look so good, that's why I keep 'em in the front # 204 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,714 # All the ladies checking out # 205 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,344 # My sugarlumps # 206 00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:49,786 # They drive the ladies crazy # 207 00:09:49,822 --> 00:09:51,983 # All these bitches checking out my britches # 208 00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,219 # Put 'em in a trance when I wear track pants # 209 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,160 # My dungarees make them hunger-ees # 210 00:09:56,195 --> 00:09:58,129 # They're over the moon when I don pantaloons # 211 00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,496 # My sugarlumps are two of a kind # 212 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,728 # Sweet and white and highly refined # 213 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:04,929 # Honeys try all kinds of tomfoolery # 214 00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:07,269 # To steal a feel of my family jewelry # 215 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:09,171 # My cannonballs cause a kerfuffle # 216 00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:11,608 # The ladies, they hustle to ruffle my truffle # 217 00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:13,168 # If you party with the party prince # 218 00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:16,147 # You get two complimentary after-dinner mints # 219 00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,979 # We see you girls checking out our trunks # 220 00:10:18,017 --> 00:10:20,178 # We see you girls checking out the front of our trunks # 221 00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:23,017 # We see you girls looking at our junk then checking out our rumps # 222 00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:25,182 # Then back to our sugarlumps # 223 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,929 # Chillin' at my store, doing my thing # 224 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,026 # When in walks a guy with his dick in a sling # 225 00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:39,435 # I'm like, "Holy shit, what happened to you?" # 226 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,167 # He said, "How much will you give me for the family jewels?" # 227 00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,368 # I said, "10 bucks," he said, "No way" # 228 00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:45,877 # "10 bucks and a frisbee," he said, "Okay" # 229 00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:48,072 # And I took his sugarlumps and put 'em up in a display # 230 00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:50,105 # And sold 'em as hacky sacks later that day # 231 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:53,050 # All the ladies, they want # 232 00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:55,212 # A taste of my sugarlumps # 233 00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:59,082 # Sweet sugarlumps, yeah # 234 00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,616 # All the ladies, they want # 235 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,061 # A taste of my sugarlumps # 236 00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:07,065 # Sweet sugarlumps. # 237 00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:09,124 What do you think, Bret? 238 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,136 I don't think I want to be a prostitute. 239 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:13,001 - What? - You should be the prostitute. 240 00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:14,472 You bought the cup. 241 00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,574 Hi, do you need a prostitute? 242 00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,272 Excuse me. 243 00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:22,872 Sorry to interrupt, but do you see my friend over there 244 00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:25,748 with the red shirt? 245 00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,650 He's a bit of a part-time prostitute. 246 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,177 I was wondering... 247 00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:30,745 - No thanks. - Might this entice you? 248 00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:32,189 Nut loaf. 249 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:36,920 - She said no. - Did she say why? 250 00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:40,090 Bret, perhaps you should wear shorts and show your legs off 251 00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:43,067 and maybe wear a cowboy hat and cover up your head a bit. 252 00:11:43,102 --> 00:11:44,797 I don't have a cowboy hat. 253 00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:46,634 I've got that old sun hat, though. 254 00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:49,232 And also, I think you're gonna have to go the whole way. 255 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,469 You can't just hug them. 256 00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:53,444 Just hugs until I get more confident. 257 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:56,772 Okay. 258 00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,443 Do you want to swap for a while? 259 00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:04,413 Excuse me. 260 00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:06,721 Would you like to party with my friend? 261 00:12:06,759 --> 00:12:08,249 I'm sorry? 262 00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:10,194 Would you like to dance? Mamba? 263 00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:12,959 - What? - You see my friend over there? 264 00:12:12,998 --> 00:12:14,829 He's a player, a night owl. 265 00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:16,129 20-40-60. 266 00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:19,501 Okay, 10-30-50. 267 00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:21,199 - What are you talking about? - $5. 268 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,764 He'll go all the way and he's clean. 269 00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:24,332 - You interested? - What? 270 00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:27,038 Not interested? Okay, move along. 271 00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:28,774 Move along. I'm walking here. 272 00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:30,475 I'm walking. 273 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:34,515 - What happened? - Not interested. 274 00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:43,090 It's dark, Bret. 275 00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:44,687 Yeah, I know. 276 00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:46,698 What expression's on your face? 277 00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:49,462 Um, guilty expression. 278 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,436 What expression's on your face? 279 00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:53,665 Sad because we don't have any electricity, 280 00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:56,470 but satisfied 'cause I was right about the cup. 281 00:12:58,477 --> 00:12:59,967 That's a weird expression. 282 00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:03,948 Bret, how much are you selling those superstraws for? 283 00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:05,644 One dollar. 284 00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,948 How many straws does it take to make a superstraw? 285 00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:09,079 Five. 286 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,645 What's the total cost of those five straws? 287 00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:13,487 Two-fift... oh. 288 00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:17,919 I've sold quite a few of them. 289 00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:21,356 Oh. 290 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,392 # Humans are dead # 291 00:13:25,404 --> 00:13:27,872 # Humans are dead # 292 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:31,866 # Had to be done # 293 00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:34,778 # So we could have fun. # 294 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,347 Okay, listen to this review, guys. 295 00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,321 "Flight of the No-Chords. 296 00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:45,846 It was hard to tell if the band was a band 297 00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:48,451 or a mime troop. No stars." 298 00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:52,523 So that's what they're saying about you. 299 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,430 That's what you're saying about us. You wrote it. 300 00:13:54,466 --> 00:13:56,434 It doesn't matter who wrote it, Jemaine. 301 00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:58,436 This is what people are reading. 302 00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:00,438 This is the written report on you 303 00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:03,236 - that someone's written. - Yeah. You. 304 00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:05,243 Maybe. 305 00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:07,575 - It says "By Murray Hewitt." - Yeah, I know. 306 00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:10,104 - It's got your picture there. - Yes. 307 00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:14,411 You're a band with no instruments. 308 00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:16,785 - How does it feel? - Not very good. 309 00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:19,518 No, not very good. Can you think of any successful musicians 310 00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:22,026 - with no instruments? - The Mormon Tabernacle Choir. 311 00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:24,222 - I can't. - Boyz II Men. 312 00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:26,254 Bobby McFerrin. Pavarotti. 313 00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:27,822 Bret's right. There are none. 314 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,129 No one else is doing it. 315 00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:30,795 The venue doesn't want you back 316 00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:32,269 until you've got instruments. 317 00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:33,532 - Is that what they said? - Yup. 318 00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:35,335 So guess what I've done? 319 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,672 I've written up a timeline, if you look over here, 320 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,575 to show us how long it's gonna take 321 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,409 to raise the money 322 00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,312 to get your guitars back. 323 00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:45,283 It's a pretty big timeline. 324 00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,877 Yeah, I sort of made the scale wrong at the start there 325 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,148 and it got out of hand. 326 00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:51,656 You should see the first one I made, though. 327 00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:53,658 It's definitely an improvement. 328 00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:56,593 Basically, you should have your guitars back 329 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,529 in about 14 years. 330 00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,031 - 14 years? - Yup. 331 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:03,592 And that's if you stop selling those straws, Bret. 332 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:06,366 What about the band investment with Mr. Nigel Soladu? 333 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:09,203 Yes, well, I'm still waiting on that. 334 00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:12,073 I've got you some good news here. 335 00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:14,136 - I've got you a paid gig. - Well, that's good. 336 00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:16,704 Yes, well actually it's just Bret. 337 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,183 And it's not a musical gig as such. 338 00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:21,186 You'll be dressing up in a costume 339 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,847 for a guy called Eddie. 340 00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:24,355 - Eddie? - Yes, you know Eddie? 341 00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:27,450 - My boss? - Yup, he phoned me up. It's all sorted. 342 00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:29,427 He said to tell you that your phone wasn't working 343 00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:31,429 and that you've got a job if you want it. 344 00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:33,158 So he just left a message. 345 00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:35,325 - Well, it was a gig offer, wasn't it? - No. 346 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:36,857 That's already my job. 347 00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:38,870 So... 348 00:15:38,904 --> 00:15:40,872 I can't get a cut on that? 349 00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:43,568 No, 'cause that's already my job. I do that job. 350 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,271 All right, I'll note that down. 351 00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:50,408 "No commission on Bret's job." 352 00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,076 - What about you, Jemaine? - What? 353 00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,244 Do you have an outside- source income? 354 00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:55,753 Yeah, sort of. 355 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,882 I could work on that with you and get a cut of it. 356 00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:00,721 You don't want to. 357 00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:03,125 - I'd like to. - No. 358 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:07,789 I need some money. 359 00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:13,670 Hey, Carol, it's Jemaine here. 360 00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,765 I was just calling to say... 361 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,867 do you remember how we slept together 362 00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,468 about six times I think it was 363 00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:21,138 last year in February? 364 00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,239 Uh, yeah. I'm a prostitute now. 365 00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:28,117 Um, so I was wondering if I might be able to get some money for that, 366 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:32,647 maybe about $40 a time? 367 00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:34,181 That's $3 off. 368 00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:38,424 Also, would you be interested in going out sometime? 369 00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:41,456 I'd love that. Okay, bye. 370 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:45,561 - Any luck? - Possibly, yeah. Very promising. 371 00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:49,600 You should be prostituting yourself, Bret. 372 00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:51,905 No, I found being a prostitute degrading. 373 00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:55,380 Free condoms. Free condoms from the human condom! 374 00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:04,920 Jemaine, 375 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:07,949 are you prostituting yourself in front of my building? 376 00:17:09,995 --> 00:17:12,293 No. How did you know that? 377 00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:14,322 - Did Bret tell you? - No. 378 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:17,028 I saw it in the advertisement on the lobby notice board. 379 00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:20,232 Did you take that off the lobby notice board? 380 00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:22,740 Yeah, I don't have my own copy. 381 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,209 I just don't think we're gonna be able to pay our rent otherwise. 382 00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:26,802 - We're bankrupt. - Oh. 383 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:29,837 Try hotels... fancy ones and ones near the airport. 384 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,442 - Oh, okay. - Yeah. 385 00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:33,781 Thanks for the suggestion. 386 00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:35,787 - How did you know that? - I read it in a book. 387 00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:37,789 What book? 388 00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:39,791 Just a normal book... nondescript. 389 00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:41,349 - Just a book I had. - Just a book. 390 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:44,590 - Just a normal book. - Just a very normal book. 391 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:45,756 Just a super... 392 00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:48,028 A book that tells you where to sell your body. 393 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,627 Just a normal book with all kinds of facts. 394 00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:52,637 - That's one of 'em. - What was the title? 395 00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:54,332 "Just How to Get It Done." 396 00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:57,865 This lift is so slow. 397 00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:04,178 Okay, band meeting. Bret? 398 00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,513 Present. 399 00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:07,576 Jemaine. Not present. 400 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,179 Absent. 401 00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:12,190 Bret. No, I've done you. 402 00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:14,192 This has put me all out of whack. Where's Jemaine? 403 00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:16,524 He's out working the beat. 404 00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:19,122 - Working the beat? - Yeah. 405 00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:21,632 - Drumming? - No, he's a gigolo. 406 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,658 - A what? - He's a prostitute. 407 00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:25,670 Jemaine's a hooker. 408 00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:28,298 A whore? Is he? 409 00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:31,366 - A prostitute. - A male prostitute. 410 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,878 I think so. 411 00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:35,539 Jemaine shouldn't be doing this. 412 00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:37,105 Indeed he should not. 413 00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:40,641 Uh, Murray, who's... who's this? 414 00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:42,085 Oh, this is Nigel Soladu. 415 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,645 He's my new business partner. 416 00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:45,452 - From the internet? - Yes! 417 00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:48,051 Can you imagine it? Out of the hundreds of people that use the internet, 418 00:18:48,093 --> 00:18:50,493 only I was willing to help him. 419 00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:52,429 - This is Bret. - Hi. 420 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:55,331 Bret, you've got to get out there and stop Jemaine. 421 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:58,393 All right? He shouldn't be selling himself to the street! 422 00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:00,530 Jemaine, he doesn't think it's degrading. 423 00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:02,767 - It is degrading. - It is degrading. 424 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,776 He's just putting on a brave face. 425 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,244 - No one likes being a prostitute. - Jemaine likes it. 426 00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:09,008 Well, why don't you become a prostitute? 427 00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:10,241 Why aren't I a prostitute? 428 00:19:10,282 --> 00:19:11,943 Why aren't I a prostitute, Bret? 429 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,145 Good one, Nigel. Why isn't Nigel a prostitute? 430 00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:16,051 We could all be in a prostitute club. 431 00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,613 It's 'cause of that cup. You should never have bought that cup. 432 00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,921 I just wanted a new cup. We only had one cup. 433 00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:22,620 So there's two of us 434 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,357 I often have to wait for Jemaine to finish his... 435 00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:27,695 Anyway, good news on the money front, right? 436 00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,997 My family thanks you for the loan. 437 00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:32,333 Thanks to Murray's trust and generosity, 438 00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:35,898 your band investment fund has seen a very healthy profit. 439 00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:39,104 We can get your guitars back and we can pay your power bill. 440 00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:41,908 Something you'd like to say to Mr. Soladu? 441 00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:43,812 Thank you very much, Nigel. 442 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,943 Oh and on behalf of Jemaine... he's prostituting himself at the moment... 443 00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:48,976 - All right, don't go on about it. ...thank you for that. 444 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,615 Good. Also, I've got something to say. 445 00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:55,423 Nagoota tata lacie. 446 00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,087 Did I say that right? 447 00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,120 I don't know what you said. 448 00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:01,029 I'm still trying on that one. 449 00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:03,125 Would you be okay if I were to use your computer? 450 00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:05,534 - I would like to check my email. - Yes, certainly. 451 00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:08,131 There's the keyboard here. There's the mouse. 452 00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:11,142 You can just go up and down on the keys. I don't use that. 453 00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:13,610 There's the TV screen. 454 00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:15,636 Okay, be quiet. Don't say anything. 455 00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,410 He's going online, right? 456 00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:19,644 You've got to get out there and save Jemaine. 457 00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:23,280 It's getting dark. It's very dangerous when you're out on the streets 458 00:20:23,322 --> 00:20:26,052 - as a man prostitute. - I'll go tell him now. 459 00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:27,649 - Go, Bret. - Okay, see ya. 460 00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:31,629 Eugene, have you seen Jemaine? 461 00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:33,654 Uh, l... he went... 462 00:20:37,669 --> 00:20:41,002 # Ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh # 463 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,802 # It's a cold night beneath the street light # 464 00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:48,574 # There's a man whose pants are too tight # 465 00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:51,549 # Oh no # 466 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,711 - # His pants are too tight # - # My pants are too tight # 467 00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:57,881 # He stands there, an empty stare # 468 00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:01,484 # Trying to make enough money for his cab fare home # 469 00:21:01,526 --> 00:21:04,324 # He'll have to walk home tonight # 470 00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:06,524 # Don't have enough for the ride # 471 00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:09,363 # The streets are cruel, he just acts cool # 472 00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:12,336 # He goes to work with only his one tool # 473 00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:18,333 # You can put away your tool, Jemaine # 474 00:21:18,377 --> 00:21:21,904 # You don't have to be a prostitute # 475 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,313 # No no no no no # 476 00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:27,682 # You can say no to being a man-ho # 477 00:21:27,719 --> 00:21:29,983 # A male gigolo # 478 00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:33,924 # You don't have to be a prostitute # 479 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:36,086 # No no no no no # 480 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:38,528 # You can say no to being # 481 00:21:38,563 --> 00:21:41,862 # A night-look, a boy hook, a red boy bro-ho # 482 00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:45,165 # He cannot see his way out # 483 00:21:45,203 --> 00:21:48,172 # I cannot see my way out # 484 00:21:48,206 --> 00:21:51,039 # He can't see his way out # 485 00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:54,204 # Male prostitution seems to be my only option # 486 00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:57,044 # He can't see his way out # 487 00:21:57,082 --> 00:21:59,846 # I cannot see my way out # 488 00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,911 # He can't see his way out # 489 00:22:02,954 --> 00:22:05,650 # No no no no no # 490 00:22:05,691 --> 00:22:08,421 # He's selling cheap thrills to pay expensive bills # 491 00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:11,054 # But check your resume, you must have some other skills # 492 00:22:13,432 --> 00:22:16,833 # Do you have any other skills... like typing? # 493 00:22:16,868 --> 00:22:20,065 # They see him wanting to please them # 494 00:22:20,105 --> 00:22:23,074 # Wanting to play them, but they don't even pay him # 495 00:22:24,376 --> 00:22:25,866 # Oh no no # 496 00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:28,402 # They don't think he's worth it at all # 497 00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:31,905 # Though they are no one, he tries to bring them home # 498 00:22:31,950 --> 00:22:35,181 # Maybe it'd be okay if he lived alone # 499 00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:39,050 # Ooh, you have a roommate, Jemaine # 500 00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:40,558 # Don't bring them home # 501 00:22:40,592 --> 00:22:44,585 # You don't have to be a prostitute # 502 00:22:44,629 --> 00:22:47,063 # No no no no no # 503 00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:50,296 # You can say no to being a man-ho # 504 00:22:50,335 --> 00:22:52,860 # A male gigolo # 505 00:22:52,904 --> 00:22:56,499 # You don't have to be a prostitute # 506 00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:58,600 # No no no no no # 507 00:22:58,643 --> 00:23:01,168 # You can say no to being # 508 00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:04,614 # A night-look, a boy hook, a red boy bro-pro. # 509 00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:22,789 Look, so... I have $200. Is that enough? 510 00:23:22,834 --> 00:23:23,926 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 511 00:23:23,969 --> 00:23:26,028 Yeah, I should be able to get 512 00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:29,006 50% extra. 513 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,008 - Oh, great. - Yeah. 514 00:23:31,042 --> 00:23:34,375 I have a few rules. One: No laughing, 515 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:37,143 especially during, okay? It puts me off. 516 00:23:37,182 --> 00:23:38,979 Um, number two: 517 00:23:39,017 --> 00:23:41,178 If you go overtime, 518 00:23:41,219 --> 00:23:43,517 I'm gonna have to charge you for the next 20 minutes. 519 00:23:43,555 --> 00:23:46,285 - One or two minutes is... - Do you want to do this or not? 520 00:23:46,324 --> 00:23:48,485 Uh, yes I do. 521 00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:52,361 It's my policy for clients to have a shower. 522 00:23:53,665 --> 00:23:55,496 Okay. 523 00:24:06,912 --> 00:24:08,777 - Bret. - Jemaine. 524 00:24:08,814 --> 00:24:10,304 You don't need to be a prostitute. 525 00:24:10,348 --> 00:24:13,112 It's fine, man. Mr. Soladu's money came through. 526 00:24:13,151 --> 00:24:15,711 - Get out of here. - No, I'm serious. It's totally fine. 527 00:24:15,754 --> 00:24:17,722 Murray said it's degrading as well. 528 00:24:17,756 --> 00:24:19,280 Oh, it isn't degrading. It's fine. 529 00:24:19,324 --> 00:24:20,791 - Are you sure? - Yeah yeah yeah. 530 00:24:20,826 --> 00:24:22,259 I just feel bad 'cause I got the cup. 531 00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:23,784 - No, don't worry about it. - Really? 532 00:24:23,829 --> 00:24:25,456 - Yes yes, get out of here. - It is more social. 533 00:24:25,497 --> 00:24:26,862 Yeah, exactly. 534 00:24:26,898 --> 00:24:28,832 You can sit down, have a cup of tea together. 535 00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:31,131 Get out, Bret. I've got a customer. It's a pretty woman. 536 00:24:31,169 --> 00:24:33,763 Police department. Open up. 537 00:24:33,805 --> 00:24:36,296 - Police. - Open up. 538 00:24:36,341 --> 00:24:38,775 - I called them to come and save you. - What? 539 00:24:41,079 --> 00:24:42,842 New York City Police. 540 00:24:42,881 --> 00:24:45,111 We got a call of solicitation of prostitution at this location. 541 00:24:47,052 --> 00:24:48,713 You, are you the prostitute? 542 00:24:48,753 --> 00:24:50,653 Yes, ma'am. 543 00:24:50,689 --> 00:24:51,951 You're a prostitute as well? 544 00:24:51,990 --> 00:24:54,618 No no, I'm just the guy that wears the big condom. 545 00:24:57,562 --> 00:24:59,587 A bit boring in jail, eh? 546 00:25:01,566 --> 00:25:03,397 There's nothing to do. 547 00:25:07,038 --> 00:25:09,199 I knew if you bought a cup, we'd end up in jail. 548 00:25:09,241 --> 00:25:11,004 I knew it. 549 00:25:13,378 --> 00:25:15,346 Are these your guys? 550 00:25:15,380 --> 00:25:17,177 Yes, this is them. 551 00:25:17,215 --> 00:25:20,048 - Hello, guys. - Hey, Murray. 552 00:25:20,085 --> 00:25:22,349 Wow. This is a turnout for the books, huh? 553 00:25:22,387 --> 00:25:24,480 This is the lowest of the low. 554 00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:26,252 You're an embarrassment to New Zealand. 555 00:25:26,291 --> 00:25:29,886 Jemaine, was it a good thing to prostitute yourself? 556 00:25:31,530 --> 00:25:33,828 - Well... - No, it wasn't. 557 00:25:33,865 --> 00:25:37,323 And, Bret, you're lucky I'm bailing you out. 558 00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:40,497 Unfortunately I've had to use all the profits from the Nigel Soladu fund, 559 00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:42,473 so we're back at square one. 560 00:25:42,507 --> 00:25:44,941 - Typical, isn't it? - At square one again? 561 00:25:44,976 --> 00:25:47,444 Yes. We were at square two, but now we're back. 562 00:25:47,479 --> 00:25:50,744 - When was that? - Let's stop talking about squares. 563 00:25:50,782 --> 00:25:52,647 Let's go. You're like a couple of... 564 00:25:53,952 --> 00:25:55,249 jailhouse turkeys. 565 00:25:57,556 --> 00:25:59,524 When's the electricity coming back on? 566 00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:00,889 They said it would be on by now. 567 00:26:00,926 --> 00:26:02,450 What time is it? 568 00:26:13,505 --> 00:26:15,405 You'll be pleased about that. 569 00:26:44,135 --> 00:26:46,626 # Girls surround me when I'm standing on the stoop # 570 00:26:46,671 --> 00:26:48,434 # Giving me gifts like free chicken soup # 571 00:26:48,473 --> 00:26:50,600 # Book tokens, free chicken soup # 572 00:26:50,642 --> 00:26:52,701 # Standing on the corner going... #