1 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,127 We're being way too loud? 2 00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:16,863 Yes, but this is regarding the rent. 3 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:20,600 - Oh, we've paid our rent. - We've paid our rent. 4 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:23,006 - You gave me a check. - We gave you that check. 5 00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:25,169 Yeah, but I've been collecting the checks 6 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,839 and I just went to the bank to deposit them 7 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:30,281 and they're in the wrong currency. 8 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:33,717 - What? - They're in New Zealand dollars. 9 00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:35,516 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, they're probably... 10 00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:38,115 - yeah, our checkbook is... - It's a New Zealand account. 11 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:41,423 Yeah, I need you to pay rent in American dollars. 12 00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:44,430 - Okay. - Retroactively... 13 00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,432 and future actively. 14 00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,161 Well, we can't do anything in the past. 15 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:51,602 No, but you could pay me now for the mistakes of the past. 16 00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:54,766 - Yeah. - How much do we owe? 17 00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:57,173 Over the past two years, you've come up short 18 00:02:57,210 --> 00:03:01,544 and you owe me $7,727. 19 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:05,840 Yeah. 20 00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:07,944 Is that American dollars or real dollars? 21 00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:11,548 - American. - That... we owe you that much? 22 00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:14,856 Yeah, and for New Zealand dollars, you would owe... 23 00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:16,725 ...that much. 24 00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:19,058 Yeah. 25 00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:22,966 - $77,000. - Yeah. Yeah. 26 00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:26,335 - Can we give you an I.O. U? - No. No. 27 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,533 In American dollars, not in New Zealand dollars. 28 00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:30,304 No. No, I'm gonna need... 29 00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:31,810 - I prefer the money. - The money. 30 00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:33,368 - Yeah. - Soon? 31 00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,438 - Yeah. Uh-huh. - Let me handle this, Bret. 32 00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:38,348 - Can I be honest with you? - Yes. 33 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,682 We don't have any... anywhere near 34 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,688 that amount of money. 35 00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:45,589 When do you think you will have that amount of money? 36 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,456 - May I? - Yes. 37 00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:51,353 Okay, here... here it is. Umm... 38 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,797 - Whoa. - Ooh. 39 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:57,030 - Never. - I'm going to give you a month. 40 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,334 You have a month to pay your rent, otherwise you have to leave. 41 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:01,340 - Well... - Can we choose which month? 42 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:03,239 No. 43 00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:07,540 - Evicted? - Mmm. 44 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:10,310 - By whose authority? - The landlord. 45 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:12,318 - Why? - Just because we were paying 46 00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:14,547 with New Zealand dollars instead of American dollars. 47 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,112 Okay, so he's a racist and now you're homeless. 48 00:04:17,156 --> 00:04:20,125 - Yeah, it's really terrible. - Oh, Bret. 49 00:04:20,159 --> 00:04:22,525 - Present. - Jemaine. 50 00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:25,554 - Present. - Well, Murray, present. 51 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,568 I think it might be time, guys. 52 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,435 - What for? - To stage your lives 53 00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:34,201 as an off-Broadway musical. 54 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,901 - Oh. - Oh, yeah, of course. 55 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,967 Is there a more practical solution? 56 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,740 - No, just... - One that relates to our problem? 57 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,679 Look at this. 58 00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:43,204 It's time to show you, okay? 59 00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:44,841 I've been writing this for two years... 60 00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:46,875 secretly, all right? 61 00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:48,511 It's a musical, like "Mamma Mia"... 62 00:04:48,554 --> 00:04:51,284 - "Mamma Mia"? ...but this is your musical. 63 00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:52,586 All right? It's your story. 64 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,822 - A musical? - Yeah, about your lives. 65 00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,659 We haven't got anywhere to live, and you're saying 66 00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,961 we should put on... maybe we should put on a musical? 67 00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:02,297 I think so. The opportunity has arisen 68 00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:04,803 to present this to you, okay? 69 00:05:04,837 --> 00:05:07,465 It's about a couple of deadbeat guys from New Zealand 70 00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:10,169 - who have got nothing going on. - Wait, who are those characters? 71 00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:13,042 Jemaine and Bret. It's... it's based on you, 72 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,741 - and you come to America with a dream. - How insulting. 73 00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:18,342 - It says "two hopeless losers." - Yup, that's you. 74 00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:21,410 You're down and out. At the beginning you've got nothing 75 00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:24,946 and you start at the bottom, but with a bit of hard work 76 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:28,017 and the help of a savvy manager who shows you the light... 77 00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,256 - Who's that? - Oh, that's a character 78 00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:32,025 who's based on me, loosely based on me... 79 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,259 you make it to the top. 80 00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:35,927 Our story is the story of two guys 81 00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:38,835 who start at the bottom and with a lot of hard work 82 00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:40,498 continue along the bottom 83 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,201 and finally end up at the bottom. 84 00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:44,038 Oh yeah, that's an intriguing scenario. 85 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,307 - Yeah, it's a rags- to-rags story. - Yeah, imagine it. 86 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,610 Yeah, did you see the one about the guys who started at the bottom, 87 00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:51,082 stayed at the bottom and at the end they were still at the bottom? 88 00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:53,915 - Oh. Yes, that's our lives. - So inspirational. 89 00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:56,513 - Who'd go and see that? - L... I think I'd see that. 90 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,387 - I would go see that. - It's more realistic. 91 00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:01,154 You're thinking that you're at the end of your tether now, 92 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,059 but what if this is just the beginning of your story? 93 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,961 Then it's a slow start, isn't it? 94 00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:06,692 This is good stuff, okay? 95 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:09,293 I was writing this and at the same time I was reading it. 96 00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:10,893 I couldn't put it down. 97 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:13,167 - Take a look at the end. - What happens at the end? 98 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,437 At the end you end up staging yourselves a big Broadway musical 99 00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:17,636 and it's a great success. 100 00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,668 Yeah, but that doesn't mean it's gonna happen like that. 101 00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:23,273 Well, everything so far has turned out, Bret, okay? 102 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,250 Yeah, but that's because it's based on truth... this is our story... 103 00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:27,115 and then you just made up the end with a musical. 104 00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:29,314 Some of it's in the future. But look at this scene. 105 00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:31,289 Look, you come into my office 106 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:34,020 and I tell you about the musical I've written. It's just like now. 107 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,357 - Really? - Yeah. 108 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,158 - Oh yeah, you say "Really?" - There you go. 109 00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:39,289 You've got "Really?" here. I knew you'd say that. 110 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:42,267 - The thing is... - Oh, we're supposed to be singing. 111 00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,963 Yeah, when I tell you the news, and here you love it 112 00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:46,869 and you get up on your chairs and sing, but... 113 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,204 - That's not gonna happen. - Trust me, guys, 114 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:52,439 this is gonna be great. This is our last resort. 115 00:06:52,478 --> 00:06:54,844 It sure is. 116 00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,508 Can we stay at your place tonight, Murray? 117 00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:58,881 Yeah, sure, 118 00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,079 but I've only got one bed 119 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,920 and I grope people in my sleep. 120 00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:06,652 It's a condition. 121 00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:08,353 It's one of the reasons 122 00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:10,055 I had to leave the New Zealand Army. 123 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,394 We'll just stay on the co... on the floor. 124 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,366 I'll probably find you there. 125 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,164 I tend to... I really reach out. 126 00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:20,604 - I'll sleep in the kitchen. - Mmm, okay. 127 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,034 Mmm, never mind. 128 00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:25,976 - No? - We'll find somewhere. 129 00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,479 Yeah, don't worry about it. 130 00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,913 That's actually better for the story, if you're homeless. 131 00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:34,709 "Two homeless deadbeats go out onto the streets." 132 00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:37,450 Wow, this is great stuff. 133 00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,694 I'm sorry I can't help you guys out, 134 00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:47,495 but I think the other guy living in my apartment is a dangerous drug dealer. 135 00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,831 - Your dad? - Yeah. 136 00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:52,838 I can't have you at my apartment. What if some crazy shit goes down? 137 00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:53,861 Yeah. 138 00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:56,374 And I'm not allowed to have friends over on weeknights, 139 00:07:56,409 --> 00:08:00,072 - but this place is good. - Hey, guys. 140 00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:01,875 Hi, we'd like to inquire about a room. 141 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,779 Mm-hmm, sure. 142 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,410 But we only have $51 American. 143 00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:09,944 We only have one room that you can get for $51... 144 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,753 - room 204. - That sounds good. 145 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,282 Well, the thing about room 204 146 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,124 is that a terrible murder happened there... 147 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,221 a woman killed her husband. 148 00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,027 It was the most gruesome thing I ever heard of. 149 00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,556 What do you mean? What... what happened? 150 00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:23,899 She decapitated him, 151 00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:26,200 castrated him, defanged him. 152 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,571 She removed his hands and feet. 153 00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:30,940 - Right. - I'll always remember the day 154 00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:34,435 of that most horrible murder... the 1st of November. 155 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,539 - Oh, that's today's date. - Weird. 156 00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,709 Yeah, it's today's date. It happened earlier today. 157 00:08:38,751 --> 00:08:40,241 - Eh? - Shit. 158 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:41,878 And the police psychologist said 159 00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:43,411 she would return to the scene... 160 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,083 to kill again. 161 00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:46,648 - Hey, guys. - Oh! Shit. 162 00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:48,159 - Hey, Mel. - Where's Doug? 163 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,287 - Oh, he's just there. - Hey, guys. 164 00:08:50,329 --> 00:08:51,956 - Oh! Shit. - Hey. 165 00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:55,331 I heard you don't have a place to stay. 166 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,427 - Yeah. - I would love it 167 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,597 if you'd stay with us. 168 00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:01,539 Oh, we're okay. We just got a room. 169 00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,405 Oh. 170 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:08,040 Thanks for the offer, though. 171 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,638 Yeah. 172 00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:11,479 Hmm. 173 00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:13,041 Actually, maybe that would be quite good. 174 00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:14,814 Thank you, Mel. Thank you, Doug. 175 00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:17,948 - Of course! - Eh? 176 00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:22,956 Okay, so another rule: 177 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:25,122 There will be no bringing girls back to the house. 178 00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:28,099 I know how you guys are. 179 00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,965 Actually, Mel, I don't see any reason 180 00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:32,436 why they can't bring girls back here to visit if they want. 181 00:09:32,471 --> 00:09:35,497 Uh, do you want to bring some girls home too, Doug? 182 00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:36,803 - No... - No, that's fine. 183 00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:38,673 ...but I don't see any reason why they can't. 184 00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:40,508 Yeah, maybe I'll bring some girls home too, 185 00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:42,514 just find some real authentic sluts 186 00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:45,574 and just turn this house into a whorehome. 187 00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:48,451 - Is that what you'd like, Doug? - No, It's not, but... 188 00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:51,513 There will be no smoking, drinking or drugs, no partying. 189 00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:54,424 - We don't party. - I know, that's for Doug. 190 00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:57,759 Ahem. He struggled with addiction. 191 00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:00,722 Okay, number 8: 192 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:03,234 You must not leave the house. 193 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,703 - When? - What, never? 194 00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:07,706 Well, not after 11:30 P.M. 195 00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:11,039 And preferably never. 196 00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:13,477 Umm, I think that's... 197 00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:16,913 so other than those rules, there are no rules. 198 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,315 Now before we turn in, I would just love it 199 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,912 if you guys could play a song for me. 200 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:25,685 The thing is Bret is overtired 201 00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:28,785 and there's a risk of throat polyps. 202 00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:30,489 - Oh. - What are they? 203 00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:33,498 Why don't I play a little something for all of us on the harp? 204 00:10:33,532 --> 00:10:37,229 Oh, Doug! No. 205 00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:38,930 That is such a womanly instrument. 206 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:41,269 Have you ever heard of a man playing a harp? 207 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,332 - My dad plays the harp. - I've never heard... 208 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,207 I've never seen a man play a harp. 209 00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:51,015 There you go, Bret... 210 00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:53,678 - nice and tucked in. - Thank you, Mel. 211 00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:56,279 - Keep you... - It's very tight. I can't really move. 212 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:59,758 - Okay, sweet dreams. - Thank you. 213 00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:02,727 Mel, I was wondering if we could have the heat turned down. 214 00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,423 - It's quite hot in here. - Yes, very hot. 215 00:11:04,463 --> 00:11:07,455 - Oh, the heater's broken. - But I saw you turning it... 216 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,968 You could always push these back a little bit. 217 00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:13,361 - That's okay. - Okay. 218 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:14,805 Okay. 219 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:19,402 Well, I am going to lock the door for security, so... 220 00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:21,538 Would you be able to leave that open? 221 00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:24,743 No, it's a very dangerous neighborhood. 222 00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:27,252 I sometimes go to the toilet in the middle of the night. 223 00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:29,254 Mm-hmm. I know. 224 00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:31,279 You guys are so cute. 225 00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:32,881 I could just eat you up. 226 00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:34,586 Good night. 227 00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:04,848 # Petrov, Yelyena and me # 228 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:08,223 # Lost but happy at sea # 229 00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:11,229 # Petrov and Yelyena said to me... # 230 00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:14,426 Shouldn't we have something to eat? 231 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:18,267 # I say there are plenty of fish in the sea # 232 00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:21,364 # But all they can see is me # 233 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,570 - # They said... # - Any last requests? 234 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:28,068 # Biding my time, I said, "Yes # 235 00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:31,481 # I want to party, just we three # 236 00:12:31,517 --> 00:12:34,918 # Lost but happy at sea" # 237 00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:39,314 # So we drank all night from the keg # 238 00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:43,419 # I passed out and I woke with one leg, I said... # 239 00:12:43,462 --> 00:12:46,659 "Petrov, have you seen my leg?" #He said... # 240 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:49,395 - No. - # And he went back to bed # 241 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,666 # But he looked suspiciously well-fed # 242 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:56,573 # Three days later, they're hungry again # 243 00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:00,375 - # They said... # - Any last requests, my friend, again? 244 00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:03,939 So I said, "Do you know any Rolling Stones?" 245 00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:07,475 It was a hilarious moment in a very bleak bleak time of my life. 246 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:11,320 # So we danced all night to the Rolling Stones # 247 00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:14,588 # When I awoke, they were chewing on bones # 248 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,653 # Yelyena was supping blood from a cup... # 249 00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:20,324 That's when I knew that something was up. 250 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,960 Hey, Petrov, what is that you are eating? 251 00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:24,060 It's fish. 252 00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:25,570 How come it looks so much like my arm 253 00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:27,572 which has been hacked off at the elbow last night? 254 00:13:27,606 --> 00:13:29,597 Oh, it's an arm fish. 255 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,873 # Later that night, while they were asleep # 256 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:36,177 # I swallowed some arsenic to poison my meat # 257 00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:39,514 # I was very ill, but revenge is so sweet # 258 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:43,283 # Unlike the last meal my comrades would eat # 259 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:54,397 # When I awoke, they were already dead # 260 00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:57,698 # All that was left of me was my head # 261 00:13:57,736 --> 00:14:01,069 # No, not dead, just a head # 262 00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:05,304 # Lost but so lonely # 263 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,939 # At sea. # 264 00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:18,117 Okay, now in this scene 265 00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:20,057 you're back in New Zealand, you're on your farm, 266 00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:21,957 you're frustrated with your uncle and auntie 267 00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:24,462 because they won't let you go into town to play your music. 268 00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:27,021 Ready? Go. 269 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:29,125 "I just want to play guitar with my friends." 270 00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:31,432 We need you back on the farm, Bret, 271 00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:34,496 - just for one more season. - But that's a whole another year away. 272 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,167 Listen to your uncle, Bret! 273 00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:38,768 Murray, who's she? 274 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:40,870 Don't look at me. I'm not here, Bret. 275 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:43,404 You're in your world, okay? 276 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,679 - Where'd you get this stuff from? - You're talking to me now? 277 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,346 Just... if we... can we stop rehearsal for a second? 278 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,082 Stop there. Okay, stop there. 279 00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:53,285 This seems very similar to "Star Wars." 280 00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:56,317 I've mixed you up with... what's his name? 281 00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:58,455 - Luke Skywalker. ...Luke Skywalker. 282 00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:00,897 - Damn it. - Yeah. 283 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:03,993 Sorry, guys, you won't be needed for this scene. 284 00:15:04,036 --> 00:15:06,630 So you've got a dad and a mom instead of an auntie and uncle. 285 00:15:06,672 --> 00:15:08,765 - Other than that it's the same. - So the house is the same? 286 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:12,004 - This still looks... - Houses look kind of different. 287 00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:14,171 You were a farmer, though, weren't you? 288 00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:15,612 No, I was never a farmer. 289 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,445 - You weren't? - Who told you I was a farmer? 290 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,576 - I thought you were a farmer... - Never ever a farmer. 291 00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:23,110 ...back in New Zealand. - No, not at all. I was a shepherd. 292 00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,589 - A shepherd? - He was a shepherd, not a farmer. 293 00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:28,354 - Oh, here's me... - I can't imagine this guy farming. 294 00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:31,056 - I wouldn't know what to do. - I don't know where I got that idea. 295 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,927 And what about you? You're a farmer. 296 00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:34,660 - No, I was a shepherd too. - Yeah, Jemaine's a shepherd. 297 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,224 - Both shepherds? - We were both shepherds. 298 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,327 - That's how we know each other. - We met each other one time 299 00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:40,600 when Jemaine lost a couple of his sheep and I found them. 300 00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,199 They had wandered over to Bret's paddock. 301 00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:46,575 What about the wise old guy that you had to find 302 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,409 and then he taught you to fight your father? 303 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:49,812 I think that's "Star Wars." 304 00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:51,679 All right, scratch that character. 305 00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:57,585 Yeah, no, we won't be needing that, Greg. 306 00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,955 Thanks, though. 307 00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:06,060 We need to talk. 308 00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:08,225 We had to leave because we had rehearsal, 309 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:10,098 - and we snuck out. - It's not that. It's not that. 310 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,365 We had to be there by 2:30, so... 311 00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:15,862 Doug and I have something very important to talk to you about. 312 00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:20,436 We have decided to spend some time apart. 313 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,003 - What? - Oh. 314 00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:24,845 And I know this is gonna be hard on you two, 315 00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:27,545 okay, but we want you to know that we both love you 316 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:30,680 very very very very very much. 317 00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,213 But where will we live? 318 00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:34,725 Well, just because Doug and I don't wanna 319 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:38,856 be together anymore doesn't mean that we don't want to be with you. 320 00:16:38,897 --> 00:16:43,698 - This isn't about you. - Well, actually, Mel, it is about them. 321 00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:46,864 Do not say that in front of them, Doug. It's damaging. 322 00:16:48,407 --> 00:16:50,034 Now we've talked about it 323 00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:52,566 and we've decided that, 324 00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:56,047 Bret, you will stay with me 325 00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:59,016 and, Jemaine, you will stay with Doug. 326 00:16:59,051 --> 00:17:01,246 But I will fight you, Doug, 327 00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:02,719 and I will get you back, Jemaine. 328 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:05,155 Why can't we all just stay together? 329 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:09,320 Oh, Bret, you'll understand when you're older, okay? 330 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:12,888 - You're so young. - I'm 32. 331 00:17:12,931 --> 00:17:16,662 Now, Jemaine, don't worry. You'll still see a lot of me. 332 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,535 Mmm, um, yeah, probably. 333 00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:21,562 And Bret, you can still see Doug. 334 00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,598 - Mel... - Mm-hmm. 335 00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:26,577 ...are you wearing my shirt? 336 00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:29,103 Yes, I am. 337 00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:21,665 Okay, cast meeting. Bret as Bret. 338 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:23,725 - Yup. - Jemaine as Jemaine. 339 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,737 - Yes. - Writer, director, producer 340 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,796 Murray Hewitt present. 341 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,603 - Oh, hello, Greg. That looks good. - Hey. 342 00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:31,575 - Sheep. - Good one. 343 00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:34,807 All right, now we've got some industry types in tonight, 344 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,872 - so just be aware of that. - Recording industry? 345 00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:39,349 No, the embassy industry. 346 00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:41,375 What, some of your mates from embassies? 347 00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,354 Yeah, different embassies. 348 00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:46,414 Right, "Lines." Okay, how are you going to know your lines? 349 00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:48,358 - Well, we've memorized them. - Yeah, memorized them. 350 00:18:48,393 --> 00:18:49,519 Who told you to do that? 351 00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:51,324 I thought that's what you were supposed to do. 352 00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:52,853 No, you've gotta write your lines down. 353 00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:55,162 - Where are we gonna write them? - All the professional actors 354 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,963 write their lines down on each other's clothing. 355 00:18:57,002 --> 00:18:59,027 - Do they? - Yes, of course they do. 356 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,902 - Really? - If you get stuck on a line, 357 00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,339 you go in like this. "Oh yeah, that's right." 358 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:05,400 "Yes, we're supposed to go there." 359 00:19:05,444 --> 00:19:07,412 We've got 300 pages of lines. 360 00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:09,710 The longer the play, the bigger the shirt. 361 00:19:09,748 --> 00:19:11,545 You'll always notice that... big costumes. 362 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:12,845 Why do they always go like this? 363 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:14,785 There's lines covered in all the clothing. 364 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,720 - We've memorized it. We don't need it. - Okay. I know, 365 00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:19,223 but it's too late now. I hope you can remember them. 366 00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:22,557 Now, "Breathing." Bret, you've got to remember to keep breathing, okay? 367 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:23,993 - The whole time. - Mm-hmm. Yeah. 368 00:19:24,029 --> 00:19:26,190 Yesterday's rehearsal you got yourself worked up, 369 00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:27,960 you stopped breathing and you fainted. 370 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,297 - No, I didn't. - You were on the ground 371 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,302 - for about five minutes. - Yeah, about five minutes. 372 00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,237 - I really got bored of that bit. - Unconscious for five minutes? 373 00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:36,639 Mm-hmm. Okay, and finally, 374 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:39,109 Jemaine, just a little point with your acting. 375 00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:42,113 I've noticed your acting tends to be a bit boring. 376 00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:44,877 It's okay for the first minute, then I kind of drift off. 377 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,942 So kind of... if you can try and stop that, that'd be great. 378 00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:49,419 - Hey, Malcolm. - Hey. 379 00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:51,479 Have a good one tonight. You're my favorite actor. 380 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,819 All right, this is it! 381 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,794 Onto stage. Off you go. 382 00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:59,058 Hang on! You haven't got your costumes on! What are you wearing? 383 00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:01,156 Quickly, get your costumes on! Down that way! 384 00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:08,837 Jemaine, nobody wants to listen to the music of a couple of shepherds. 385 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,775 I know of a place... 386 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,871 somewhere we can play music every day 387 00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,781 without having to shepherd. 388 00:20:19,818 --> 00:20:22,378 A place called... 389 00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:27,823 # America # 390 00:20:29,461 --> 00:20:31,622 # I've been shepherding day and night # 391 00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:34,291 # Saving for the flight to America # 392 00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:36,096 # America... # 393 00:20:36,134 --> 00:20:39,035 - Don't go there! - They're crazy! 394 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,039 # In the paddock every day # 395 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,837 # Trying to work my way to America... # 396 00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:47,003 - They'll kill youse! - They have guns! 397 00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:57,585 Bret, look. There she is. 398 00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,724 It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 399 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:06,561 # Welcome to the land of opportunity # 400 00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:10,830 # I am the Statue of Liberty... # 401 00:21:10,869 --> 00:21:13,736 Welcome. Welcome. 402 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:16,036 Forget about it. 403 00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:20,338 # My head's stuck in this chair # 404 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:26,308 # Gotta get my head out of this chair... # 405 00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:33,891 - Jemaine! - Hey, there, ma'am, would you... 406 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,728 Miss, would you be interested in... 407 00:21:38,997 --> 00:21:44,367 # I'm selling myself on the street # 408 00:21:44,403 --> 00:21:48,362 # Just trying to make ends meet # 409 00:21:49,941 --> 00:21:52,000 # Who will buy # 410 00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:54,342 # My body? # 411 00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:57,805 # Nobody. # 412 00:21:59,718 --> 00:22:02,312 - Is there a problem with our rent? - Yeah, there's a problem. 413 00:22:02,354 --> 00:22:05,346 - Your money ain't good here! - But we'll be out on the streets. 414 00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:07,688 - We've got nothing. - We'll have nowhere to live. 415 00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:11,093 You're in America now. You pay with American dollars. 416 00:22:11,129 --> 00:22:14,587 Now scram, you filthy illegal immigrants. 417 00:22:17,135 --> 00:22:18,966 You've got one month! 418 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:22,269 Illegal immigrants, illegal immigrants... 419 00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:24,969 # We've overstayed our welcome, we've overstayed our visas # 420 00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,911 # Nobody cares, nobody needs us! # 421 00:22:27,946 --> 00:22:31,143 # Nobody needs us! # 422 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,915 Well, guys, I've got an idea. 423 00:22:35,954 --> 00:22:37,922 We need more than ideas. We need money. 424 00:22:37,956 --> 00:22:41,722 - Wait wait, hear him out. - # We'll put on a musical! # 425 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,990 - It's genius! - It's marvelous! 426 00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:46,896 # A wonderful musical... # 427 00:22:52,671 --> 00:22:54,161 Yes! 428 00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:13,247 Murray was right. 429 00:23:13,291 --> 00:23:16,089 It was a great idea to put on a musical. 430 00:23:16,128 --> 00:23:17,993 Murray's the greatest. 431 00:23:18,029 --> 00:23:20,691 Jemaine, I think we've made it in America. 432 00:23:20,732 --> 00:23:23,667 Yeah, but we mustn't forget where we came from. 433 00:23:23,702 --> 00:23:25,795 I remember. 434 00:23:31,710 --> 00:23:33,735 Oh, Doug. 435 00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:39,512 Whoo! Look at the harp player! 436 00:23:40,852 --> 00:23:43,650 It is manly. 437 00:23:45,824 --> 00:23:48,190 - Hey. - Well done. 438 00:23:48,226 --> 00:23:50,023 - Bravo! - Good harping. 439 00:23:50,061 --> 00:23:51,961 Bravo, guys. 440 00:23:51,997 --> 00:23:55,489 - Is it a hit? - Well, it depends how you define "hit." 441 00:23:55,534 --> 00:23:57,195 - You know, did people... - Did people like it? 442 00:23:57,235 --> 00:24:00,136 No, I don't think it was that sort of hit. 443 00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:02,868 - No, I didn't think so. - But you enjoyed yourselves, right? 444 00:24:02,908 --> 00:24:04,808 Well, that's what it's about. 445 00:24:04,843 --> 00:24:06,868 Jemaine, your acting... really good. 446 00:24:06,912 --> 00:24:08,539 - Thank you. - Okay, you're still a bit boring. 447 00:24:08,580 --> 00:24:12,539 And Bret, great cover on the fainting. 448 00:24:12,584 --> 00:24:16,020 I've got lots of news... uh, good news, 449 00:24:16,054 --> 00:24:18,818 got some... just a little bit of terrible news there, 450 00:24:18,857 --> 00:24:21,951 - but, umm... - Well, let's start with the good news. 451 00:24:21,993 --> 00:24:24,518 - Okay. Well, "We did it." - "We did it." 452 00:24:24,563 --> 00:24:26,531 I've written that there. That's good. 453 00:24:26,565 --> 00:24:28,556 - "We did it." That's the good news? - That's it? 454 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,000 Yeah, we did it! So that's something to be proud of. 455 00:24:31,036 --> 00:24:33,903 - What's the terrible news? - Just a bit of terrible news. 456 00:24:33,939 --> 00:24:36,601 Umm... 457 00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:40,168 remember I invited some embassy officials to see the show? 458 00:24:40,212 --> 00:24:43,511 - Well, that was good. - Unfortunately the play drew 459 00:24:43,548 --> 00:24:45,573 a lot of attention to your illegal immigrant status. 460 00:24:45,617 --> 00:24:47,209 Well, that's what it's about, isn't it? 461 00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:50,744 Exactly. And the dance number "lllegal lmmigrants." 462 00:24:50,789 --> 00:24:52,780 - It was a good number. - A great number... 463 00:24:52,824 --> 00:24:56,282 but not great to perform in front of these people. 464 00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:58,796 So overall great, yes, 465 00:24:58,830 --> 00:25:02,630 - but also not great. - So average? 466 00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:04,464 Uh... 467 00:25:05,971 --> 00:25:08,735 - Oh, do they want to meet us? - They want to see you, yeah. 468 00:25:08,773 --> 00:25:12,607 So in addition to the good news and the terrible news, 469 00:25:12,644 --> 00:25:14,805 there's also some... 470 00:25:14,846 --> 00:25:17,406 truly awful news. 471 00:25:30,795 --> 00:25:33,923 Good shepherding today, guys! 472 00:25:33,965 --> 00:25:35,956 Thanks, Murray!