1 00:00:01,315 --> 00:00:03,775 Look, I'm not paying 70 smidgens 2 00:00:03,859 --> 00:00:05,485 for a broken defraculator. 3 00:00:05,569 --> 00:00:08,696 That is multiphase quantum resonator. 4 00:00:08,781 --> 00:00:10,532 - Well, does it defraculate? - Fuck no. 5 00:00:10,616 --> 00:00:12,534 Then... then... then it's a broken defraculator. 6 00:00:12,618 --> 00:00:14,536 Like you would even know dick about fraculation! 7 00:00:14,620 --> 00:00:16,246 Your planet just got cellphones, 8 00:00:16,330 --> 00:00:18,331 and the coverage still sucks! 9 00:00:18,415 --> 00:00:20,458 Yeah, yeah, and your species eat sulfur. 10 00:00:20,543 --> 00:00:22,293 So, let's say 60 smidgens. 11 00:00:22,378 --> 00:00:24,003 I tell you what... I'll do you a favor. 12 00:00:24,088 --> 00:00:25,588 I'll throw in a fart. 13 00:00:25,673 --> 00:00:27,590 Hey, uh, Rick, um, you think 14 00:00:27,675 --> 00:00:29,425 maybe I could get something from this place, 15 00:00:29,510 --> 00:00:31,261 like a souvenir, like, just to have... 16 00:00:31,345 --> 00:00:33,012 like, something cool, you know? 17 00:00:33,097 --> 00:00:34,556 Not here, Morty. We'll stop somewhere else. 18 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,849 Because, you know, there's always another pawn shop. 19 00:00:36,934 --> 00:00:38,851 Oh, okay. I just, um... 20 00:00:38,936 --> 00:00:40,520 you know, I thought that robot over there 21 00:00:40,604 --> 00:00:42,355 looked pretty cool, you know? 22 00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:44,816 Oh, it looks cool, huh? That's why you want it? 23 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,442 Yeah! You know, I mean... 24 00:00:46,527 --> 00:00:48,152 it's different from the stuff on Earth, 25 00:00:48,237 --> 00:00:50,154 and, you know, you take me to all these crazy places 26 00:00:50,239 --> 00:00:51,698 across the galaxy, 27 00:00:51,782 --> 00:00:53,700 and, you know, I don't really have anything to... 28 00:00:53,784 --> 00:00:55,660 to remember all those trips by. 29 00:00:55,744 --> 00:00:57,662 It'd be kind of cool, like a souvenir. 30 00:00:57,746 --> 00:00:59,414 You know, like, what if you passed away 31 00:00:59,498 --> 00:01:00,790 or died or something? 32 00:01:00,874 --> 00:01:02,584 I wouldn't even have anything to remember 33 00:01:02,668 --> 00:01:04,377 all the cool stuff we did, you know? 34 00:01:04,461 --> 00:01:06,379 Okay. 60 for the resonator, 35 00:01:06,463 --> 00:01:09,132 and my grandson wants the sex robot. 36 00:01:47,463 --> 00:01:49,881 So, we're just going to pretend this isn't happening? 37 00:01:49,965 --> 00:01:51,966 I'm not saying that's a bad idea... just asking. 38 00:01:52,051 --> 00:01:53,801 Rick, why would you let Morty 39 00:01:53,886 --> 00:01:55,928 bring that thing into our house?! 40 00:01:56,013 --> 00:01:57,388 I don't know. What do you want from me? 41 00:01:57,473 --> 00:01:59,766 He thi... he thou... he thought it looked cool. 42 00:01:59,850 --> 00:02:00,683 You know what I mean? 43 00:02:00,768 --> 00:02:01,934 Whew! 44 00:02:05,731 --> 00:02:07,440 Ahh. All right. 45 00:02:07,524 --> 00:02:10,026 Back to... back to... b-back upstairs. 46 00:02:13,947 --> 00:02:15,323 Well, I'm intervening. 47 00:02:15,407 --> 00:02:16,991 Intervening with puberty? 48 00:02:17,076 --> 00:02:19,452 You'll turn him into Ralph Fiennes in "Red Dragon." 49 00:02:19,536 --> 00:02:22,580 He's at that age. Let's just be proud of him. 50 00:02:22,665 --> 00:02:25,124 Jesus. Did I really set the bar that low? 51 00:02:26,210 --> 00:02:28,419 Um, Rick, could you come with me, please... 52 00:02:28,504 --> 00:02:29,629 q-quickly? 53 00:02:29,713 --> 00:02:33,633 Okay, now if we hear squeaking, we intervene. 54 00:02:35,386 --> 00:02:37,136 Where's the sex robot, Morty? 55 00:02:37,221 --> 00:02:39,347 That is Gwendolyn... I-I mean, the robot! 56 00:02:39,431 --> 00:02:41,849 She started beeping, transformed and tried to fly away! 57 00:02:41,934 --> 00:02:43,518 Strange... that's usually the man's job. 58 00:02:43,602 --> 00:02:45,228 You know what I'm talking about, Morty? 59 00:02:45,312 --> 00:02:47,105 Wubba-lubba-dub-dub! 60 00:02:47,189 --> 00:02:48,606 Morty! 61 00:02:48,691 --> 00:02:50,274 That's my catchphrase, remember? 62 00:02:50,359 --> 00:02:52,944 Remember... remember how I... how I cemented that catch phrase? 63 00:02:53,028 --> 00:02:54,362 All right. All right, seriously, though, 64 00:02:54,446 --> 00:02:55,571 let me grab this thing. 65 00:02:57,700 --> 00:02:59,492 Come on, you... rascal. 66 00:02:59,576 --> 00:03:02,578 - Okay, unacceptable! Oh. - What is going on? 67 00:03:02,663 --> 00:03:04,414 All right. Uh-oh. 68 00:03:04,498 --> 00:03:06,374 "Uh-oh"? What is that?! 69 00:03:06,458 --> 00:03:08,292 Hmm. I think Morty's robot was designed 70 00:03:08,377 --> 00:03:10,753 for more than long weekends. 71 00:03:12,548 --> 00:03:14,549 Genetic compiler, incubation chamber. 72 00:03:14,633 --> 00:03:16,467 Yep. This here's some kind of baby maker, 73 00:03:16,552 --> 00:03:18,177 and that there's half Morty, half... 74 00:03:18,262 --> 00:03:20,179 who... who knows wh-what? 75 00:03:20,264 --> 00:03:22,265 It's my bad, guys. I'll... I'll take care of it. 76 00:03:22,349 --> 00:03:23,891 - Grandpa Rick, no, no! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 77 00:03:23,976 --> 00:03:25,560 What do you think you're doing?! 78 00:03:25,644 --> 00:03:27,353 Hey, listen... you guys quarantined the house 79 00:03:27,438 --> 00:03:29,105 when Summer brought olives back from Mexico. 80 00:03:29,189 --> 00:03:31,274 I mean, this thing could grow to the size of Delaware. 81 00:03:31,358 --> 00:03:33,693 I mean, it might eat brains and exhale space AIDS. 82 00:03:33,777 --> 00:03:35,528 We gotta be careful. 83 00:03:35,612 --> 00:03:37,530 I lost the chance to be careful, Rick. 84 00:03:37,614 --> 00:03:38,865 I'm a father now! 85 00:03:38,949 --> 00:03:40,742 You know, it's time for me to be responsible. 86 00:03:40,826 --> 00:03:42,577 Isn't that right... - Don't name it. 87 00:03:42,661 --> 00:03:44,579 - ...Morty Jr.? - Oh, crap. He named it. 88 00:03:44,663 --> 00:03:46,581 Well, Dad, it's a living thing, and it's half human. 89 00:03:46,665 --> 00:03:49,292 And it was born on American soil, which entitles it to... 90 00:03:49,376 --> 00:03:51,294 Jerry, majoring in Civics was your mistake. 91 00:03:51,378 --> 00:03:52,712 Don't punish us for it. 92 00:03:52,796 --> 00:03:54,255 Fine. 93 00:03:54,339 --> 00:03:57,049 I'm gonna take this thing to my workshop and investigate. 94 00:03:57,134 --> 00:03:59,051 Do not let that thing out of your sight. 95 00:03:59,136 --> 00:04:02,054 It looks harmless now, but it could grow dangerous. 96 00:04:02,139 --> 00:04:04,056 Like The Insane Clown Posse. 97 00:04:04,141 --> 00:04:06,017 Yeah. Good one, Jerry. 98 00:04:06,101 --> 00:04:08,644 2003 just called. It wants its easy target back. 99 00:04:08,729 --> 00:04:10,813 Ohh. He's like a little me! 100 00:04:10,898 --> 00:04:13,900 Y-You don't think he'll turn into a monster... do you? 101 00:04:13,984 --> 00:04:15,526 They always do. 102 00:04:15,611 --> 00:04:17,862 Hey, uh, 1995 called! 103 00:04:17,946 --> 00:04:19,363 They want their "certain year called 104 00:04:19,448 --> 00:04:21,282 wanting its 'blank' back" formula back! 105 00:04:21,366 --> 00:04:23,326 Why, Jerry? Why expend the effort? 106 00:04:23,410 --> 00:04:25,578 Life is effort, and I'll stop when I die! 107 00:04:27,831 --> 00:04:29,624 - Out. - Whatcha doin'? 108 00:04:29,708 --> 00:04:31,417 Well, I can't solve the problem my way, 109 00:04:31,502 --> 00:04:33,419 thanks to your family's primitive biological hang-ups. 110 00:04:33,504 --> 00:04:35,755 Gross. I might have just touched one of Morty's loads. 111 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:38,049 But maybe I can find suitable parents for Morty Jr. 112 00:04:38,133 --> 00:04:41,886 on this robot's home world, which is... 113 00:04:41,970 --> 00:04:43,888 Gazorpazorp in the Andromeda system. 114 00:04:43,972 --> 00:04:46,891 Scoot, Summer. - Don't you need a new companion 115 00:04:46,975 --> 00:04:48,893 now that Morty's in the family way? 116 00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:51,145 I don't do adventures with chicks, Summer. 117 00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:53,147 Oh, right... because there's something about having a wiener 118 00:04:53,232 --> 00:04:55,650 that would make me better at walking through a hole? 119 00:04:55,734 --> 00:04:58,778 - Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! - Oh, crap. 120 00:04:58,862 --> 00:05:00,738 Grandpa Rick! Ugh! 121 00:05:00,823 --> 00:05:03,241 Help! Help! Aah! Aah! 122 00:05:05,035 --> 00:05:07,829 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! 123 00:05:07,913 --> 00:05:09,497 - Grandpa Rick! - Still think it's a good idea 124 00:05:09,581 --> 00:05:11,082 to go through holes without a wiener? 125 00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:13,584 - I want to go home. - Yeah, no duh. 126 00:05:13,669 --> 00:05:15,044 Ugh! 127 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:19,757 Great. Now I have to take over a whole planet 128 00:05:19,842 --> 00:05:22,134 because of your stupid boobs. 129 00:05:22,219 --> 00:05:24,971 - You're doing great, Morty. - Really? You think? 130 00:05:25,055 --> 00:05:26,806 I mean, I'm not doing much of anything. 131 00:05:26,890 --> 00:05:28,140 What do I do if it cries? 132 00:05:28,225 --> 00:05:30,351 Then you put it down and let it cry itself out. 133 00:05:30,435 --> 00:05:32,937 Yeah, right. We tried that technique on Summer, 134 00:05:33,021 --> 00:05:35,147 and she's gonna end up stripping, isn't she? 135 00:05:35,232 --> 00:05:36,649 Yes, she is. 136 00:05:36,733 --> 00:05:38,651 She's gonna strip for attention 137 00:05:38,735 --> 00:05:40,653 because she was denied it. 138 00:05:40,737 --> 00:05:43,072 Stop filling it with your own insecurity. 139 00:05:43,156 --> 00:05:45,241 You're gonna turn it into Morty... 140 00:05:45,325 --> 00:05:47,451 uh, mm... more... more... more... more of you. 141 00:05:47,536 --> 00:05:49,287 Well, we can't all be raised like reptiles 142 00:05:49,371 --> 00:05:51,080 by a mentally ill scientist. 143 00:05:51,164 --> 00:05:52,915 What the... aah! Aah! 144 00:05:54,918 --> 00:05:57,253 Listen to me. I am not rewarding this behavior. 145 00:05:57,337 --> 00:05:58,921 Knock it off, both of you! 146 00:05:59,006 --> 00:06:00,756 G-Give me him! Give me my baby! 147 00:06:00,841 --> 00:06:02,550 You're both nuts! 148 00:06:02,634 --> 00:06:05,094 I'm gonna raise Morty Jr. myself! 149 00:06:05,178 --> 00:06:07,763 ♪ Where's your hands? There's your hands ♪ 150 00:06:07,848 --> 00:06:10,391 ♪ And that's how we play handy hands ♪ 151 00:06:11,810 --> 00:06:13,936 Oh, you are going to ruin that kid, Morty. 152 00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:15,855 At least we can agree on that. 153 00:06:23,530 --> 00:06:25,990 Thanks, Dum-Dum. 154 00:06:26,074 --> 00:06:28,576 I said, "Thanks, Dum-Dum." Go get more. 155 00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:30,202 Summer, put your burqa on! 156 00:06:30,287 --> 00:06:32,204 That burqa is a human-rights violation, 157 00:06:32,289 --> 00:06:34,832 and I spent a lot on this top. 158 00:06:34,917 --> 00:06:36,667 Look, I'm trying to repair a p-portal gun 159 00:06:36,752 --> 00:06:38,085 with a bunch of sex-doll parts, 160 00:06:38,170 --> 00:06:39,503 and I have to do it one-handed 161 00:06:39,588 --> 00:06:41,589 to keep these Belushis from carting you off. 162 00:06:41,673 --> 00:06:43,758 The least you could do is be ashamed of your gender. 163 00:06:43,842 --> 00:06:46,218 Ugh. What's the deal with this place? 164 00:06:46,303 --> 00:06:48,012 Why is it such a sausage planet, 165 00:06:48,096 --> 00:06:50,348 and how did such backward idiots invent robots? 166 00:06:50,432 --> 00:06:52,016 Obviously, at some point, 167 00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:53,434 the Gazorpians became so evolved 168 00:06:53,518 --> 00:06:55,978 that they replaced females with birthing machines. 169 00:06:56,063 --> 00:06:58,189 The resultant lack of distraction and hen-pecking 170 00:06:58,273 --> 00:07:00,149 allowed them to focus entirely on war, 171 00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:02,151 so they bombed themselves back to the stone age, 172 00:07:02,235 --> 00:07:04,111 and now they just fight with each other over fake pussy 173 00:07:04,196 --> 00:07:05,613 with sticks and rocks all day long. 174 00:07:05,697 --> 00:07:07,782 You think it's efficient to get rid of women? 175 00:07:07,866 --> 00:07:09,867 You ever see a line for the men's room? 176 00:07:09,952 --> 00:07:11,619 Are you hear... do you li... do you hear me, Summer? 177 00:07:11,703 --> 00:07:14,747 Droppin' loads. 178 00:07:14,831 --> 00:07:17,917 Droppin' loads! Droppin' loads. 179 00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:22,213 The plot thickens. 180 00:07:24,967 --> 00:07:27,051 Uh, you might want to cover your eyes, Summer. 181 00:07:27,135 --> 00:07:29,178 Yeah, like it was my dream to watch. 182 00:07:31,014 --> 00:07:32,056 Yeah, baby! 183 00:07:32,140 --> 00:07:34,767 Summer, grab... grab hold. 184 00:07:34,851 --> 00:07:36,143 Yeah, baby! 185 00:07:36,228 --> 00:07:37,603 Aaaah! 186 00:07:40,148 --> 00:07:42,233 Grandpa Rick, where are we going? 187 00:07:42,317 --> 00:07:43,859 Well, obviously, Summer, 188 00:07:43,944 --> 00:07:45,945 it appears the lower tier of this society 189 00:07:46,029 --> 00:07:48,197 is being manipulated through sex and advanced technology 190 00:07:48,281 --> 00:07:50,950 by a hidden ruling class. Sound familiar? 191 00:07:51,034 --> 00:07:52,910 Ticketmaster. 192 00:07:52,995 --> 00:07:54,996 Oh, there... there we go, Summer. 193 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:56,747 Hey... hey, brother. Hey, bro. 194 00:07:56,832 --> 00:07:58,582 Nice racket you got going on here. 195 00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:01,419 Listen, I'm Rick Sanchez from Earth dimension C-137. 196 00:08:01,503 --> 00:08:03,671 Don't mean you any harm. Coming in peace. 197 00:08:03,755 --> 00:08:06,549 It's all cool in the, uh... "good in the neighborhood" 198 00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:08,884 is what I was trying to come... is what I meant. 199 00:08:11,763 --> 00:08:13,431 Oh, I get it... 200 00:08:13,515 --> 00:08:15,975 the old behind-every-great-man Amazon twist. 201 00:08:16,059 --> 00:08:18,269 Silence! 202 00:08:20,897 --> 00:08:23,691 - Your slave is ill-mannered. - My slave? 203 00:08:23,775 --> 00:08:25,693 We assume you are from a more primitive world, 204 00:08:25,777 --> 00:08:27,903 where men are still permitted to be servants. 205 00:08:27,988 --> 00:08:30,448 If he is a rogue male, tell us now and we will kill him. 206 00:08:30,532 --> 00:08:32,116 He's my slave. He's my slave. 207 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,117 He's definitely my slave. 208 00:08:34,828 --> 00:08:36,203 Ugh! Ohh! Oh-ho-ho! 209 00:08:36,288 --> 00:08:37,997 Oh, boy. 210 00:08:38,081 --> 00:08:39,915 What's the opposite of "wubba-lubba-dub-dubs"? 211 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,834 Am I right, ladies and gentlemen? 212 00:08:41,918 --> 00:08:44,253 Are you guys kidding me? 213 00:08:44,337 --> 00:08:46,172 Oh, Morty Jr.! 214 00:08:46,256 --> 00:08:48,257 You're gonna be a special little guy, aren't you? 215 00:08:48,341 --> 00:08:50,426 You... oh, yeah. You're my special little guy. 216 00:08:50,510 --> 00:08:52,261 Ohh. 217 00:08:52,345 --> 00:08:54,138 Ohh! Ha ha! 218 00:08:54,222 --> 00:08:55,139 Da. 219 00:08:55,223 --> 00:08:56,724 What was that, Morty Jr.? 220 00:08:56,808 --> 00:08:58,684 Were you gonna say, "Dada"? Say, "Dada." 221 00:08:58,769 --> 00:08:59,727 Death! 222 00:08:59,811 --> 00:09:01,145 "Dada." 223 00:09:01,229 --> 00:09:02,605 Domination! 224 00:09:02,689 --> 00:09:04,690 Um... "Dada"? 225 00:09:04,775 --> 00:09:06,692 Destruction. Domination. 226 00:09:06,777 --> 00:09:09,153 Nice. 227 00:09:14,159 --> 00:09:17,578 The spider in sector "C" is still alive. 228 00:09:17,662 --> 00:09:19,580 Plan your route accordingly and expect delays. 229 00:09:19,664 --> 00:09:21,582 We're not telling you what to do. 230 00:09:21,666 --> 00:09:23,584 We're just sharing how we feel. 231 00:09:23,668 --> 00:09:25,586 And now weather... is anyone else cold, 232 00:09:25,670 --> 00:09:27,671 or is it just me? 233 00:09:29,257 --> 00:09:31,759 I am Mar-sha, ruler of Gazorpazorp. 234 00:09:31,843 --> 00:09:33,636 I am here if you need to talk. 235 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,013 - What is this place? - Paradise. 236 00:09:36,098 --> 00:09:38,766 We built it during the great passive-aggression, 237 00:09:38,850 --> 00:09:40,893 when the females separated from the males 238 00:09:40,977 --> 00:09:43,646 due to their increasingly destructive behavior. 239 00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:45,147 I am here if you need to talk. 240 00:09:45,232 --> 00:09:47,108 I am here if you need to talk. 241 00:09:47,192 --> 00:09:49,693 From here, we dispense mechanical surrogates 242 00:09:49,778 --> 00:09:51,195 to maintain our population. 243 00:09:51,279 --> 00:09:54,657 Fertilized surrogates are returned here to our nursery. 244 00:09:54,741 --> 00:09:57,660 The females are placed into educational programs 245 00:09:57,744 --> 00:10:00,162 where they can discover a service to our paradise 246 00:10:00,247 --> 00:10:02,081 that fulfills them most. 247 00:10:02,165 --> 00:10:04,416 Males... 248 00:10:04,501 --> 00:10:08,087 ...they get to play outside. 249 00:10:08,171 --> 00:10:10,089 That was just a baby. 250 00:10:10,173 --> 00:10:12,091 And within a day, he'll be an adult male Gazorpian... 251 00:10:12,175 --> 00:10:14,009 one of the most aggressively violent creatures 252 00:10:14,094 --> 00:10:15,344 in the universe. 253 00:10:15,428 --> 00:10:17,346 Wait a minute... we're here because a male Gazorpian 254 00:10:17,430 --> 00:10:19,807 was born on our planet. 255 00:10:22,477 --> 00:10:25,396 You speak when you're spoken to, ding-a-ling! 256 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,940 It's true, though... one of your babies was born on Earth. 257 00:10:28,024 --> 00:10:30,276 Are you the ruler of this Earth? 258 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,361 - How did you know? - The quality of your top. 259 00:10:32,445 --> 00:10:34,280 - Do you love it? - I love it. 260 00:10:34,364 --> 00:10:35,698 I'm here if you need to talk. 261 00:10:35,782 --> 00:10:37,116 I'm here if you need to talk. 262 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,450 I'm here if you need to talk. 263 00:10:38,535 --> 00:10:41,203 If the Gazorpian is male, your Earth is in grave danger. 264 00:10:41,288 --> 00:10:43,038 We will give you passage back home 265 00:10:43,123 --> 00:10:44,456 so it can be terminated. 266 00:10:44,541 --> 00:10:46,125 But first, mojitos. 267 00:10:46,209 --> 00:10:47,960 We don't have time for mojitos. 268 00:10:48,044 --> 00:10:50,337 - You are insulting them. - I don't care, Summer! 269 00:10:50,422 --> 00:10:52,339 This place is the worst! I want to go home! 270 00:10:52,424 --> 00:10:54,341 Well, it really doesn't matter what you want, 271 00:10:54,426 --> 00:10:56,552 because this is a sane place where women rule. 272 00:10:56,636 --> 00:10:58,554 Yeah. You know what I have to say about that? 273 00:11:01,516 --> 00:11:03,642 I cannot believe my ears! 274 00:11:08,023 --> 00:11:10,983 Whoo, boy! Who let the frogs out, huh? 275 00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:13,068 Grandpa! 276 00:11:13,153 --> 00:11:15,279 - Grandpa? - That sounds patriarchal! 277 00:11:15,363 --> 00:11:16,947 It means "father of father." 278 00:11:17,032 --> 00:11:19,283 Then this one is not your slave, 279 00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:21,785 and your Earth is yet another planet dominated by men. 280 00:11:21,870 --> 00:11:23,996 It's not dominated by us, okay? 281 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,873 On Earth, men and women are equals. 282 00:11:25,957 --> 00:11:29,376 Equals?! We make 70% of your salary for the same job! 283 00:11:29,461 --> 00:11:31,212 - Seize them! - Whoa! 284 00:11:32,714 --> 00:11:35,382 Was this really the time to make that point, Summer? 285 00:11:37,427 --> 00:11:38,844 This is for you, Daddy. 286 00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:40,137 Oh, man! 287 00:11:40,222 --> 00:11:42,306 Um, okay. Listen to me, Morty Jr. 288 00:11:42,390 --> 00:11:44,975 I've got to tell you something very important, okay? 289 00:11:45,060 --> 00:11:47,019 Killing is bad... bad! 290 00:11:47,103 --> 00:11:49,021 You're silly, Daddy. 291 00:11:49,105 --> 00:11:51,273 No, Morty Jr. I'm being serious, okay? 292 00:11:51,358 --> 00:11:53,108 You need to put your energy into something else. 293 00:11:53,193 --> 00:11:54,860 I mean, what about dancing? 294 00:11:54,945 --> 00:11:56,320 Would you like to learn how to dance? 295 00:11:56,404 --> 00:11:59,198 I'd like to dance... on the graves of my enemies. 296 00:11:59,282 --> 00:12:01,742 Ohh! No, Morty Jr.! 297 00:12:03,578 --> 00:12:05,246 Daddy, can I go outside? 298 00:12:05,330 --> 00:12:06,789 No! Absolutely not! 299 00:12:06,873 --> 00:12:08,916 But that's where all the people and the animals are. 300 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,168 Yeah, but you can't go out there because the... 301 00:12:11,253 --> 00:12:13,170 the air is poisonous for you! 302 00:12:13,255 --> 00:12:14,546 You will die... you'll die instantly 303 00:12:14,631 --> 00:12:16,465 if you ever leave this house! 304 00:12:16,549 --> 00:12:17,800 You hear me? - For real? 305 00:12:17,884 --> 00:12:19,593 For real times a million, buddy. 306 00:12:19,678 --> 00:12:21,053 So, let's just stay inside, 307 00:12:21,137 --> 00:12:23,055 and, you know, let's try dancing, right? 308 00:12:23,139 --> 00:12:25,057 Look at me. Yay! Look. We're gonna dance. 309 00:12:25,141 --> 00:12:26,934 Come on. Join... dance with me here. 310 00:12:27,018 --> 00:12:28,727 We love to dance. - Why do we love to dance? 311 00:12:28,812 --> 00:12:31,230 'Cause I said so! 312 00:12:31,314 --> 00:12:34,066 Nice. 313 00:12:38,655 --> 00:12:40,531 So, what are you in for? 314 00:12:40,615 --> 00:12:42,658 Because I got... I got a big, 315 00:12:42,742 --> 00:12:44,535 you know, penis between my legs. 316 00:12:44,619 --> 00:12:46,370 What... what... what are you in for? 317 00:12:46,454 --> 00:12:48,747 The worst crime a female can commit. 318 00:12:48,832 --> 00:12:50,374 Veronica Ann Bennett, 319 00:12:50,458 --> 00:12:53,585 I find you guilty of having bad bangs. 320 00:12:53,670 --> 00:12:55,546 You ever notice the ones with bad bangs 321 00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:57,256 always have three names? 322 00:12:57,340 --> 00:13:00,592 You are hereby sentenced to the silent treatment! 323 00:13:01,845 --> 00:13:03,971 Pfft! This is gonna be cake. 324 00:13:04,055 --> 00:13:05,139 No! Jackie! 325 00:13:05,223 --> 00:13:06,807 Rick and Summer of Earth, 326 00:13:06,891 --> 00:13:08,976 for the crimes of treason against womankind 327 00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:12,396 and for creating the sound of which we do not speak 328 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,982 because it does not exist, you are hereby sentenced to... 329 00:13:15,066 --> 00:13:17,067 What, what, what... a night on the couch? 330 00:13:17,152 --> 00:13:18,861 - ...death. - Ooh, gerp. 331 00:13:18,945 --> 00:13:20,738 I hate you so much right now. 332 00:13:20,822 --> 00:13:22,740 This will be the first instance 333 00:13:22,824 --> 00:13:24,742 of capital punishment in our society 334 00:13:24,826 --> 00:13:27,411 in 500 years due to our awesomeness, 335 00:13:27,495 --> 00:13:29,455 so we are forced to improvise. 336 00:13:29,539 --> 00:13:32,499 We placed a large boulder on that ledge. 337 00:13:32,584 --> 00:13:35,127 Holy shit! Y-Y-You're gonna crush us with a boulder?! 338 00:13:35,211 --> 00:13:37,129 No! Stop interrupting! 339 00:13:37,213 --> 00:13:38,922 The boulder falls onto a lever 340 00:13:39,007 --> 00:13:40,924 that will launch... knives. 341 00:13:41,009 --> 00:13:42,092 What? 342 00:13:42,177 --> 00:13:43,927 Just give me a gun. I'll kill myself. 343 00:13:44,012 --> 00:13:45,596 Stop interrupting! 344 00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,514 The knives will... 345 00:13:47,599 --> 00:13:49,892 Fine! You were right the first time, okay? 346 00:13:49,976 --> 00:13:51,518 The boulder crushes you. 347 00:13:51,603 --> 00:13:53,520 I just didn't want to admit you were right. Happy? 348 00:13:53,605 --> 00:13:55,522 No, just ignore them. Ignore them. 349 00:13:55,607 --> 00:13:57,191 Such an asshole. 350 00:13:57,275 --> 00:13:59,026 Look, I'm sorry, Summer. 351 00:13:59,110 --> 00:14:00,819 I feel bad that I let you drag us into this. 352 00:14:00,904 --> 00:14:02,696 I wish I could have been a better Grandpa to you, 353 00:14:02,781 --> 00:14:04,365 and, you know, for what it's worth, 354 00:14:04,449 --> 00:14:06,367 that is a really nice, cute top that you're wearing there. 355 00:14:06,451 --> 00:14:08,202 Top. My top! 356 00:14:08,286 --> 00:14:11,205 My top... the same top you complimented earlier! 357 00:14:11,289 --> 00:14:14,541 Look... look at the tag. Read it. 358 00:14:14,626 --> 00:14:17,336 It says, "Marc Jacobs." 359 00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:20,464 Marc? Jacob? These are names of the penis. 360 00:14:20,548 --> 00:14:23,592 Yes. An Earth man made this top. 361 00:14:23,676 --> 00:14:25,386 Maybe on your planet, 362 00:14:25,470 --> 00:14:28,013 separation of the genders is the right thing to do, 363 00:14:28,098 --> 00:14:30,015 but on Earth, a certain percentage of our males 364 00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:31,600 are born gay, 365 00:14:31,684 --> 00:14:35,145 which is why my clothes are better than all of yours. 366 00:14:35,230 --> 00:14:36,688 A man made something fashionable? 367 00:14:36,773 --> 00:14:39,691 It's true, and sometimes the truth hurts, 368 00:14:39,776 --> 00:14:41,402 but it must be accepted. 369 00:14:41,486 --> 00:14:43,404 Like if I told you that you're using 370 00:14:43,488 --> 00:14:45,239 the wrong color foundation for your skin 371 00:14:45,323 --> 00:14:47,074 and it ends at your neck, 372 00:14:47,158 --> 00:14:48,826 making you look like a party clown. 373 00:14:48,910 --> 00:14:51,120 Okay, ouch. Noted. But the fact remains... 374 00:14:51,204 --> 00:14:53,997 if you impose Gazorpazorp's laws on Earth, 375 00:14:54,082 --> 00:14:55,624 you're no better than the men 376 00:14:55,708 --> 00:14:57,960 whose farts shall remain unspoken. 377 00:14:58,044 --> 00:14:59,962 And if you think my top is cute, 378 00:15:00,046 --> 00:15:01,964 you cannot execute. 379 00:15:03,591 --> 00:15:05,926 Very well. Give the Earth people a spacecraft 380 00:15:06,010 --> 00:15:07,928 so they may head back to their weird planet, 381 00:15:08,012 --> 00:15:11,056 where women are kind of equal but not really. 382 00:15:11,141 --> 00:15:13,058 Good job, Summer, and thanks, girls. 383 00:15:13,143 --> 00:15:14,768 You know, you girls are really something, 384 00:15:14,853 --> 00:15:16,353 I'll tell you that. 385 00:15:16,438 --> 00:15:18,021 You know when we first go there, I was like... 386 00:15:18,106 --> 00:15:19,648 Give them a ship now. 387 00:15:19,732 --> 00:15:23,026 Morty Jr.! Smoking?! 388 00:15:23,111 --> 00:15:24,528 That is not okay! 389 00:15:24,612 --> 00:15:25,821 What are you gonna do... ground me? 390 00:15:25,905 --> 00:15:27,114 I can't go outside anyway! 391 00:15:27,198 --> 00:15:29,867 So what?! You could do things inside! 392 00:15:29,951 --> 00:15:32,119 You could play guitar. You could masturbate. 393 00:15:32,203 --> 00:15:34,663 I don't want to masturbate. I want to conquer the planet! 394 00:15:34,747 --> 00:15:37,332 Oh, here we go again! You know, who do you think... 395 00:15:37,417 --> 00:15:39,418 is gonna love you if you conquer the planet, Morty Jr.?! 396 00:15:39,502 --> 00:15:41,086 Love... that's all you care about! 397 00:15:41,171 --> 00:15:42,546 What about weapons?! 398 00:15:42,630 --> 00:15:44,423 What about domination of the enemy?! 399 00:15:44,507 --> 00:15:46,383 All right, that's it... no more History Channel! 400 00:15:46,468 --> 00:15:48,719 This TV is for cartoons and video games only! 401 00:15:48,803 --> 00:15:51,763 I hate video games! You take that back! 402 00:15:51,848 --> 00:15:53,474 Give it to me! 403 00:15:53,558 --> 00:15:55,476 Ugh! 404 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,478 I-I-I didn't mean... I didn't mean that. 405 00:15:57,562 --> 00:15:59,146 I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry. 406 00:15:59,230 --> 00:16:01,648 I can't take this anymore! I'd rather breathe poison... 407 00:16:01,733 --> 00:16:03,650 than live another minute with you! 408 00:16:03,735 --> 00:16:05,986 No! No, no, no! Stop! 409 00:16:11,117 --> 00:16:12,493 My life has been a lie! 410 00:16:12,577 --> 00:16:14,578 God is dead! The government's lame! 411 00:16:14,662 --> 00:16:16,580 Thanksgiving is about killing Indians! 412 00:16:16,664 --> 00:16:18,415 Jesus wasn't born on Christmas! 413 00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:20,042 They moved the date! It was a pagan holiday! 414 00:16:20,126 --> 00:16:22,044 - Oh, Dad! - Yes, Morty? 415 00:16:22,128 --> 00:16:24,046 My son is gonna take over the planet, 416 00:16:24,130 --> 00:16:25,589 and I am too young to drive! 417 00:16:25,673 --> 00:16:26,840 Can you help me get him back?! 418 00:16:28,134 --> 00:16:30,844 I suppose, Morty. I suppose. 419 00:16:30,929 --> 00:16:34,848 But first, a deep sip from a very tall glass 420 00:16:34,933 --> 00:16:38,018 of "I told you so." 421 00:16:41,272 --> 00:16:43,607 Oh, my god! Please, Dad! Come on! 422 00:16:49,239 --> 00:16:52,783 ♪ Runnin' wild, runnin' hot, 423 00:16:52,867 --> 00:16:54,868 burnin' inside ♪ 424 00:16:54,953 --> 00:16:58,080 ♪ With the youth in the blood and the age and the heat 425 00:16:58,164 --> 00:17:01,208 and the fire in your pants, open wide ♪ 426 00:17:01,292 --> 00:17:03,835 ♪ You're gonna run from the damn cold, 427 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:07,464 but you can't run from your youth ♪ 428 00:17:28,903 --> 00:17:31,905 Dad, there he is! 429 00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:34,700 Oh, god. Hey, stop that! 430 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,703 Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Dad! 431 00:17:38,788 --> 00:17:41,915 Morty Jr., no! It's me! It's Dad. 432 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,084 It's okay! 433 00:17:44,168 --> 00:17:46,044 Put the car down, Morty Jr. 434 00:17:46,129 --> 00:17:48,130 No! No! ♪ Wh-Where's your hands? ♪ 435 00:17:48,214 --> 00:17:51,717 ♪ Where's your hands? ♪ 436 00:17:51,801 --> 00:17:53,135 My car! 437 00:17:53,219 --> 00:17:57,139 ♪ And that's how we play handy hands ♪ 438 00:17:57,223 --> 00:17:58,807 Out of the... out of the way, Morty! 439 00:17:58,891 --> 00:17:59,891 - No! - Morty! 440 00:17:59,976 --> 00:18:01,685 That's one of the most violently aggressive 441 00:18:01,769 --> 00:18:02,728 creatures in the universe! 442 00:18:02,812 --> 00:18:04,479 - Ow! - He's my son! 443 00:18:04,564 --> 00:18:08,358 And if you hurt him, you'll have to kill me, Rick! 444 00:18:13,031 --> 00:18:15,616 Dad, I'm so confused! 445 00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:18,327 I know, Morty Jr. I'm sorry. 446 00:18:18,411 --> 00:18:20,120 I ended up lying to you and yelling at you 447 00:18:20,204 --> 00:18:22,164 just like my parents did to me. 448 00:18:22,248 --> 00:18:24,583 You know, parents are just kids having kids. 449 00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:27,252 One minute, you like how a shiny robot looks. 450 00:18:27,337 --> 00:18:29,421 The next minute, you're in a fist fight 451 00:18:29,505 --> 00:18:31,340 with your alien son. 452 00:18:31,424 --> 00:18:32,841 I'm an alien? 453 00:18:32,925 --> 00:18:34,843 We all have bad impulses, bad thoughts. 454 00:18:34,927 --> 00:18:36,637 We just have to learn to channel them 455 00:18:36,721 --> 00:18:38,347 into something constructive. 456 00:18:38,431 --> 00:18:40,932 But I want to murder everyone I see. 457 00:18:41,017 --> 00:18:42,768 Well, you know, I mean, maybe there's a job out there 458 00:18:42,852 --> 00:18:44,436 for people that feel that way. 459 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:45,937 Actually, there is. 460 00:18:46,022 --> 00:18:47,898 Hi. I'm Brad Anderson, creator of 461 00:18:47,982 --> 00:18:50,108 the nationally syndicated comic strip "Marmaduke." 462 00:18:50,193 --> 00:18:52,110 You should consider being a creative. 463 00:18:52,195 --> 00:18:53,820 I'm haunted by uncontrollable thoughts 464 00:18:53,905 --> 00:18:55,572 of mutilation and sexual assault 465 00:18:55,657 --> 00:18:57,407 on a near daily basis. 466 00:18:57,492 --> 00:18:59,993 But, you know, I channel it all into my work. 467 00:19:00,078 --> 00:19:01,703 - Oh. Wow. - Huh. 468 00:19:01,788 --> 00:19:03,789 I never got that impression from reading "Marmaduke." 469 00:19:03,873 --> 00:19:05,332 Well, did you get the impression 470 00:19:05,416 --> 00:19:07,542 I was trying to make you laugh? 471 00:19:08,586 --> 00:19:10,921 Tell me that wasn't Brad Anderson. 472 00:19:11,005 --> 00:19:13,131 Aw, see? You hear that, Morty Jr.? 473 00:19:13,216 --> 00:19:15,342 Maybe you could try being a creative of some kind. 474 00:19:15,426 --> 00:19:17,386 Maybe! I always have sort of wanted 475 00:19:17,470 --> 00:19:19,680 to see my face on the back of a novel. 476 00:19:19,764 --> 00:19:22,683 I mean, what I really want to do is slit people's throats, 477 00:19:22,767 --> 00:19:23,850 but beyond that... 478 00:19:23,935 --> 00:19:26,144 I know you can do it, son. 479 00:19:26,229 --> 00:19:28,563 I think it's time I get a place of my own. 480 00:19:28,648 --> 00:19:31,400 I promise I'll call you every day I need money 481 00:19:31,484 --> 00:19:33,610 or a place to do laundry. 482 00:19:34,862 --> 00:19:37,656 Aaaaaaah! 483 00:19:39,951 --> 00:19:43,370 So, I assume this novel your son writes 484 00:19:43,454 --> 00:19:46,832 is gonna pay for my rear axle? 485 00:19:46,916 --> 00:19:48,542 Isn't it interesting, Summer, 486 00:19:48,626 --> 00:19:50,544 that after all that stuff we just did, 487 00:19:50,628 --> 00:19:52,629 nothing really mattered and there was no point to it? 488 00:19:52,714 --> 00:19:54,673 Kind of makes you wonder, huh... about nothing? 489 00:19:54,757 --> 00:19:57,092 Are you sure it doesn't make you re-evaluate 490 00:19:57,176 --> 00:19:59,344 your policy about taking girls on adventures? 491 00:19:59,429 --> 00:20:01,471 No. I'd say, given what we've been through, 492 00:20:01,556 --> 00:20:02,973 that I was right the whole time 493 00:20:03,057 --> 00:20:04,975 and any epiphanies about gender politics were 494 00:20:05,059 --> 00:20:06,852 a projection of your feminine insecurity. 495 00:20:06,936 --> 00:20:09,396 But, hey, why don't you have a pink spaceship? 496 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,481 Go ride around and have a jolly old time. 497 00:20:11,566 --> 00:20:13,692 Maybe that'll shut you up. - Dad? Summer? 498 00:20:13,776 --> 00:20:15,318 Where were you guys this whole time? 499 00:20:15,403 --> 00:20:16,903 On Gazorpazorp. Where were you? 500 00:20:16,988 --> 00:20:18,530 I was reading a newspaper. 501 00:20:18,614 --> 00:20:20,991 Oh, that's interesting, Beth. You know, it's funny. 502 00:20:21,075 --> 00:20:23,368 I-I-I heard about a little bit of news myself. 503 00:20:23,453 --> 00:20:25,495 Take a look. T-Take a listen. 504 00:20:29,709 --> 00:20:30,751 Wubba-lubba-dub-dubs! 505 00:20:30,835 --> 00:20:32,502 This this world 506 00:20:32,587 --> 00:20:34,671 still got a... it's still got a chance! 507 00:20:34,756 --> 00:20:36,339 Yeah! Ha ha! 508 00:20:36,424 --> 00:20:37,966 See you... see you guys next week! 509 00:20:38,050 --> 00:20:39,509 See everybody next week. 510 00:21:09,665 --> 00:21:10,832 Mortimer Smith, Jr., 511 00:21:10,917 --> 00:21:12,459 New York Times bestselling author, 512 00:21:12,543 --> 00:21:14,461 your book is about innocence, the definition of it, 513 00:21:14,545 --> 00:21:16,463 and, inevitably, its impossibility. 514 00:21:16,547 --> 00:21:18,298 Is it autobiographical? 515 00:21:18,382 --> 00:21:19,549 Certainly. 516 00:21:19,634 --> 00:21:22,469 I mean, all writing is, in my opinion. 517 00:21:22,553 --> 00:21:25,430 But my, uh... 518 00:21:25,515 --> 00:21:28,183 My father kept me locked in the house 519 00:21:28,267 --> 00:21:30,685 until I was a teenager. 520 00:21:30,770 --> 00:21:32,479 And there was violence 521 00:21:32,563 --> 00:21:35,607 and, uh, threats of poison gas... 522 00:21:35,691 --> 00:21:37,359 but also dancing. 523 00:21:37,443 --> 00:21:39,486 But you persevered and created this masterpiece 524 00:21:39,570 --> 00:21:40,862 from your suffering. 525 00:21:40,947 --> 00:21:43,532 Smith Jr.'s mind-bending novel, "My Horrible Father", 526 00:21:43,616 --> 00:21:45,492 in every store and on everyone's mind. 527 00:21:45,576 --> 00:21:47,285 Pick it up. We'll be right back. 528 00:21:47,370 --> 00:21:48,870 It's a thankless job, Morty. 529 00:21:48,955 --> 00:21:50,038 You did the best you could. 530 00:21:50,122 --> 00:21:52,541 I hope he's eating enough. 531 00:21:54,085 --> 00:21:55,502 Did you get any of that? 532 00:21:55,586 --> 00:21:57,587 It's a good-a show! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net