1 00:00:04,443 --> 00:00:05,568 Cynthia... 2 00:00:05,652 --> 00:00:07,278 Oh, my god. No. No. 3 00:00:07,362 --> 00:00:09,280 - I told you. - Hold on. 4 00:00:09,364 --> 00:00:11,282 ...will you please... 5 00:00:11,366 --> 00:00:13,075 not marry me? I chose Veronica. 6 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:14,327 - What?! - Yes! 7 00:00:14,411 --> 00:00:16,329 - Hold it. - Why would he chose Veronica? 8 00:00:16,413 --> 00:00:17,997 Because he loves her? 9 00:00:18,081 --> 00:00:19,415 Well, if it's any consolation, Summer, 10 00:00:19,499 --> 00:00:21,250 none of it mattered and the entire show was stupid. 11 00:00:21,335 --> 00:00:22,710 Okay, I've got an idea, Rick. 12 00:00:22,794 --> 00:00:24,712 You show us your concept of good TV, 13 00:00:24,796 --> 00:00:26,631 and we'll crap all over that. 14 00:00:26,715 --> 00:00:29,300 Thought you'd never ask. 15 00:00:29,384 --> 00:00:30,551 Hey. 16 00:00:30,636 --> 00:00:32,553 Oh, cool. Is that crystallized xanthanite? 17 00:00:32,638 --> 00:00:34,513 It conducts electrons across dimensions. 18 00:00:34,598 --> 00:00:36,432 20% accurate as usual, Morty. 19 00:00:36,516 --> 00:00:37,933 The important thing being, 20 00:00:38,018 --> 00:00:39,894 I just upgraded our cable package 21 00:00:39,978 --> 00:00:42,146 with programing from every conceivable reality. 22 00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:43,731 Wait. Does that mean we get Showtime Extreme? 23 00:00:43,815 --> 00:00:45,524 How about Showtime Extreme in a world 24 00:00:45,609 --> 00:00:47,193 where man evolved from corn? 25 00:00:47,277 --> 00:00:49,195 We're not so different. We're both corn of action. 26 00:00:49,279 --> 00:00:51,238 Yeah, but one of us is dead corn! 27 00:00:51,323 --> 00:00:52,615 Boring. 28 00:00:52,699 --> 00:00:54,617 Summer you just spent three months 29 00:00:54,701 --> 00:00:56,577 watching a man choose a fake wife. 30 00:00:56,662 --> 00:00:58,579 So, what, it'd be better if the people were corn? 31 00:00:58,664 --> 00:01:00,206 Jerry, you don't get it. 32 00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:03,459 This is infinite TV from infinite universes. 33 00:01:03,543 --> 00:01:05,252 Look. - This shit is delicious. 34 00:01:05,337 --> 00:01:08,297 A movie about a guy eating shit. 35 00:01:08,382 --> 00:01:10,341 A violent antique show. 36 00:01:10,425 --> 00:01:11,759 It's a pleasure to have you. 37 00:01:11,843 --> 00:01:13,678 The pleasure's all mine. 38 00:01:13,762 --> 00:01:15,763 Letterman from a timeline where Jerry's famous. 39 00:01:15,847 --> 00:01:17,473 - Wait! - What in the hell? 40 00:01:17,557 --> 00:01:19,100 I agree. Where is this going? 41 00:01:19,184 --> 00:01:20,685 No, the other thing! Go back. 42 00:01:20,769 --> 00:01:22,228 Really? All right, fine. 43 00:01:22,312 --> 00:01:24,730 Glen, this court order says you can't eat shit anymore. 44 00:01:24,815 --> 00:01:26,732 All right, Jerry. 45 00:01:26,817 --> 00:01:28,567 When you're right, you're right. 46 00:01:28,652 --> 00:01:29,944 Now I'm hooked. 47 00:02:01,893 --> 00:02:03,853 Coming up next on "Shmloo's the Shmloss," 48 00:02:03,937 --> 00:02:05,479 Shmlony has a nightmare. 49 00:02:05,564 --> 00:02:08,524 - Shmlantha! Shmlona! - Amazing... a dimension 50 00:02:08,608 --> 00:02:10,526 where all proper nouns begin with "Shmla." 51 00:02:10,610 --> 00:02:13,028 Shmla... Shmlangela? 52 00:02:13,113 --> 00:02:14,697 Shmlonathan? 53 00:02:14,781 --> 00:02:16,991 All right, that actually got old pretty quick. 54 00:02:17,075 --> 00:02:18,534 Rick! 55 00:02:18,618 --> 00:02:20,786 Will you please go back to me on "David Letterman"? 56 00:02:20,871 --> 00:02:22,538 Infinity's a big number, Jerry. 57 00:02:22,622 --> 00:02:24,039 I don't remember the channel. 58 00:02:24,124 --> 00:02:25,624 Ah! Go back! Go back! 59 00:02:25,709 --> 00:02:28,127 - Geez. - You speak the true-true. 60 00:02:28,211 --> 00:02:30,463 Oh, my god. Dad's in "Cloud Atlas"! 61 00:02:30,547 --> 00:02:33,257 I'm in "Cloud Atlas"! What's "Cloud Atlas"? 62 00:02:33,341 --> 00:02:34,884 Sometimes, small true-true 63 00:02:34,968 --> 00:02:36,886 different than the big true-true. 64 00:02:36,970 --> 00:02:38,429 How is this possible? 65 00:02:38,513 --> 00:02:40,723 Infinite timelines, infinite possibilities, 66 00:02:40,807 --> 00:02:42,683 including a timeline where Jerry's a movie star. 67 00:02:42,768 --> 00:02:44,268 Look, you guys are getting excited 68 00:02:44,352 --> 00:02:46,020 about the wrong aspect of this device. 69 00:02:46,104 --> 00:02:47,688 Wha... look at this. 70 00:02:47,773 --> 00:02:50,357 And now, another quick mystery. 71 00:02:50,442 --> 00:02:52,193 I just want to know who could have done this. 72 00:02:52,277 --> 00:02:54,195 It's a travesty. - I did. 73 00:02:54,279 --> 00:02:55,613 See this knife and all the blood on it? 74 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:56,906 Here's my fingerprints. 75 00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:59,283 Guilty. I sentence you to life in prison. 76 00:02:59,367 --> 00:03:00,868 Here's another quick mystery. 77 00:03:00,952 --> 00:03:02,870 - My mother's dead. - And I killed her. 78 00:03:02,954 --> 00:03:04,580 Here's the weapon, and cuff me. 79 00:03:04,664 --> 00:03:05,873 Thank you very much. 80 00:03:05,957 --> 00:03:07,500 Guilty. Sentenced to murder. 81 00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,878 - Here's another. - I'm the killer. 82 00:03:10,962 --> 00:03:13,547 Oh, wow, that one was really quick, wasn't it? 83 00:03:13,632 --> 00:03:16,091 Now, who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows 84 00:03:16,176 --> 00:03:18,344 from different dimensions, and... and then who wants 85 00:03:18,428 --> 00:03:20,930 to narcissistically obsess about their alternate selves? 86 00:03:21,014 --> 00:03:23,599 I want to obsess about myself. 87 00:03:23,683 --> 00:03:25,601 Here, these scan your retinas 88 00:03:25,685 --> 00:03:27,603 and let you view parallel timelines 89 00:03:27,687 --> 00:03:29,480 through genetically matching versions of your eyes. 90 00:03:29,564 --> 00:03:30,481 Go fetch. 91 00:03:30,565 --> 00:03:32,441 - This is so cool. - Ladies first. 92 00:03:32,526 --> 00:03:33,651 I'm proud of you, Morty. 93 00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:35,778 Hey, man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick. 94 00:03:35,862 --> 00:03:37,696 Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo. 95 00:03:37,781 --> 00:03:39,031 I'm Ants in My Eyes Johnson, 96 00:03:39,115 --> 00:03:41,367 here at Ants in My Eyes Johnson's electronics. 97 00:03:41,451 --> 00:03:43,452 I mean, there's so many ants in my eyes. 98 00:03:43,537 --> 00:03:46,497 And there's so many TVs, microwaves, radios, I think. 99 00:03:46,581 --> 00:03:49,792 I can't... I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock 100 00:03:49,876 --> 00:03:51,502 because I can't see anything. 101 00:03:51,586 --> 00:03:54,338 Our prices, I hope, aren't too low. 102 00:03:54,422 --> 00:03:57,007 Check out this refrigerator, only $200. 103 00:03:57,092 --> 00:03:58,884 What about this microwave? Only $100. 104 00:03:58,969 --> 00:04:00,511 That's fair. 105 00:04:00,595 --> 00:04:02,972 I'm Ants in My Eyes Johnson. Everything's black. 106 00:04:03,056 --> 00:04:04,431 I can't see a thing. 107 00:04:04,516 --> 00:04:06,433 And also, I can't feel anything, either. 108 00:04:06,518 --> 00:04:07,560 Did I mention that? 109 00:04:07,644 --> 00:04:10,145 But that's not as catchy as having ants in your eyes, 110 00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:12,773 so that always goes, you know, off by the wayside. 111 00:04:12,858 --> 00:04:14,942 I can't feel. It's a very rare disease. 112 00:04:15,026 --> 00:04:16,652 All my... all my nerves, 113 00:04:16,736 --> 00:04:18,988 they don't allow for the sensation of touch, 114 00:04:19,072 --> 00:04:20,948 so I never know what's going on. 115 00:04:21,032 --> 00:04:22,950 Am I standing, sitting? I don't know. 116 00:04:23,034 --> 00:04:25,494 Are we sure we wanna look at our own alternate lives? 117 00:04:25,579 --> 00:04:27,830 You're right. Maybe we should just play Yahtzee. 118 00:04:27,914 --> 00:04:29,957 Give me those. 119 00:04:30,041 --> 00:04:31,041 What do you see? 120 00:04:31,126 --> 00:04:34,044 Whiteness... pure whiteness. 121 00:04:36,047 --> 00:04:37,715 You're my best friend, Jerry Smith. 122 00:04:37,799 --> 00:04:39,174 I love doing cocaine with you. 123 00:04:39,259 --> 00:04:42,261 Whoa, I love doing cocaine with you, too, Johnny Depp. 124 00:04:42,345 --> 00:04:45,347 Haven't we spent enough time on you? 125 00:04:45,432 --> 00:04:48,100 I'm performing surgery... 126 00:04:48,184 --> 00:04:50,102 but not on a horse... on a human. 127 00:04:50,186 --> 00:04:51,729 That's great, Beth. 128 00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,981 You always wanted to be a real surgeon. 129 00:04:54,065 --> 00:04:55,983 I am a real surgeon. 130 00:04:56,067 --> 00:04:57,693 Uh... Summer's turn. 131 00:04:57,777 --> 00:04:59,695 Finally. 132 00:04:59,779 --> 00:05:01,697 I don't see anything. 133 00:05:01,781 --> 00:05:03,449 Well, you should select a different timeline. 134 00:05:03,533 --> 00:05:05,451 I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams, 135 00:05:05,535 --> 00:05:06,952 there's a chance you weren't even born. 136 00:05:07,037 --> 00:05:09,455 That came out wrong. That came out very wrong. 137 00:05:09,539 --> 00:05:13,042 Fine. I'll find a world where you bothered to have me. 138 00:05:16,171 --> 00:05:18,213 We're playing Yahtzee. 139 00:05:18,298 --> 00:05:19,965 Yahtzee's fun. We love Yahtzee. 140 00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:21,634 It's a fun game for fun families. 141 00:05:21,718 --> 00:05:23,886 Hey, could I get those goggles back for a second? 142 00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:27,306 It's a 45-horsepower with antilock brakes, 143 00:05:27,390 --> 00:05:30,476 and it's the official car of "Mr. Sneezy 3D." 144 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,270 It's the brand-new Sneezy XL. 145 00:05:33,355 --> 00:05:36,148 The horn, when you honk it, makes a sneeze noise. 146 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,318 It's polite, it's right, 147 00:05:39,402 --> 00:05:44,365 and it's Sneezy, Deezy Mc... Deluxe. 148 00:05:44,449 --> 00:05:46,033 I'm Mr. Sneezy. 149 00:05:46,117 --> 00:05:48,577 Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions 150 00:05:48,662 --> 00:05:50,496 has a somewhat looser feel to it. 151 00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:53,332 Yeah, it's got an almost improvisational tone. 152 00:05:53,416 --> 00:05:55,960 It's in theaters now. Coming this Summer. 153 00:05:56,044 --> 00:05:58,462 Two brothers in a van, 154 00:05:58,546 --> 00:05:59,922 and then a meteor hits. 155 00:06:00,006 --> 00:06:02,174 And they ran as fast as they could 156 00:06:02,258 --> 00:06:04,051 from giant cat monsters. 157 00:06:04,135 --> 00:06:05,970 And then a giant tornado came. 158 00:06:06,054 --> 00:06:11,350 And that's when things got knocked into 12th gear. 159 00:06:11,434 --> 00:06:14,228 A Mexican armada shows up, 160 00:06:14,312 --> 00:06:17,564 with weapons made from t-tomatoes. 161 00:06:17,649 --> 00:06:19,817 And you better bet your bottom dollar 162 00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:23,570 that these two brothers know how to handle business 163 00:06:23,655 --> 00:06:27,533 in "Alien Invasion Tomato Monster 164 00:06:27,617 --> 00:06:28,867 Mexican Armada Brothers, 165 00:06:28,952 --> 00:06:30,953 Who are Just Regular Brothers, 166 00:06:31,037 --> 00:06:33,205 Running in a Van from an Asteroid 167 00:06:33,289 --> 00:06:37,251 and All Sort of Things: The Movie." 168 00:06:37,335 --> 00:06:39,253 Hold on. There's more. 169 00:06:39,337 --> 00:06:41,672 Old women are coming, and they're also in the movie. 170 00:06:41,756 --> 00:06:43,549 And they're gonna come 171 00:06:43,633 --> 00:06:46,093 and cross attack these two brothers. 172 00:06:46,177 --> 00:06:47,678 But let's get back to the brothers, 173 00:06:47,762 --> 00:06:50,681 because they're... they have a strong bond. 174 00:06:50,765 --> 00:06:51,974 You don't want to know about it here, 175 00:06:52,058 --> 00:06:53,642 but I'll tell you one thing. 176 00:06:53,727 --> 00:06:55,894 The moon... it comes crashing into Earth. 177 00:06:55,979 --> 00:06:57,855 And what do you do then? 178 00:06:57,939 --> 00:07:00,649 It's two brothers and... and they're gonna... 179 00:07:00,734 --> 00:07:02,651 It's called "Two Brothers." "Two Brothers." 180 00:07:02,736 --> 00:07:04,820 It's just called "Two Brothers." 181 00:07:04,904 --> 00:07:07,072 Holy crap. I am winning a nobel prize. 182 00:07:07,157 --> 00:07:09,241 Come on. Time's up. 183 00:07:09,325 --> 00:07:10,951 I'm taming a lion. 184 00:07:11,036 --> 00:07:13,078 No, wait. There are film cameras. 185 00:07:13,163 --> 00:07:15,706 I might be a lion tamer in a movie. 186 00:07:15,790 --> 00:07:17,416 You get the idea. I work with lions. 187 00:07:19,711 --> 00:07:22,004 Ohh, we're not playing Yahtzee! 188 00:07:22,088 --> 00:07:24,298 We're playing Chutes and Ladders. 189 00:07:24,382 --> 00:07:27,009 Seems like when I exist, life gets a little more... 190 00:07:27,093 --> 00:07:28,677 I don't know... predictable? 191 00:07:28,762 --> 00:07:30,721 When two people create a life together, 192 00:07:30,805 --> 00:07:33,724 they set aside their previous lives as individuals. 193 00:07:33,808 --> 00:07:35,350 Give me a break. 194 00:07:35,435 --> 00:07:38,103 We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night. 195 00:07:38,188 --> 00:07:39,438 Oh, I get it. 196 00:07:39,522 --> 00:07:41,607 Now that you know you could have had it better, 197 00:07:41,691 --> 00:07:44,026 you resent me for holding you back. 198 00:07:44,110 --> 00:07:46,612 Well, now that we know you think the tables are turning, 199 00:07:46,696 --> 00:07:48,530 we know you thought there were unturned tables. 200 00:07:48,615 --> 00:07:50,491 What are you talking about? 201 00:07:50,575 --> 00:07:52,159 All this time, you've been thinking, "what if that loser, 202 00:07:52,243 --> 00:07:54,453 Jerry, hadn't talked me out of the abortion?" 203 00:07:54,537 --> 00:07:56,538 - Um... - Well, now you know. 204 00:07:56,623 --> 00:07:57,664 You'd be a doctor. Whoop-de-do. 205 00:07:57,749 --> 00:07:59,333 You'd also be drinking wine alone 206 00:07:59,417 --> 00:08:01,585 in a house full of exotic birds. 207 00:08:01,669 --> 00:08:04,421 And I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht, banging Kristen Stewart. 208 00:08:04,506 --> 00:08:06,840 You thought about getting an abortion? 209 00:08:06,925 --> 00:08:08,300 Everyone thinks about it. 210 00:08:08,384 --> 00:08:10,302 Obviously, I'm the version of me that didn't do it, 211 00:08:10,386 --> 00:08:13,388 so you're welcome. - Yeah, you're welcome. 212 00:08:13,473 --> 00:08:15,057 Yeah, thank you guys so much. 213 00:08:15,141 --> 00:08:16,767 It's a real treat to be raised by parents 214 00:08:16,851 --> 00:08:18,519 that forced themselves to be together 215 00:08:18,603 --> 00:08:20,229 instead of being happy. 216 00:08:20,313 --> 00:08:22,397 Hey, do we have any wafer cookies? 217 00:08:22,482 --> 00:08:23,732 Mmm! 218 00:08:23,817 --> 00:08:24,900 Oh, boy. 219 00:08:24,984 --> 00:08:26,401 Looks like you guys have been checking out alternate lives 220 00:08:26,486 --> 00:08:28,237 and realizing you don't have it as good, huh? 221 00:08:28,321 --> 00:08:29,488 That's too bad. 222 00:08:29,572 --> 00:08:31,156 You know, me and Morty are having a blast. 223 00:08:31,241 --> 00:08:32,825 We just discovered a show called "Ball Fondlers." 224 00:08:32,909 --> 00:08:34,785 I mean, I don't want to rub it in or anything, 225 00:08:34,869 --> 00:08:37,788 but you guys clearly backed the wrong conceptual horse. 226 00:08:50,802 --> 00:08:53,220 - I'm in heaven right now. - This might be the best day of my life. 227 00:08:53,304 --> 00:08:54,972 So, now what do we do? 228 00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:57,099 That show "Ball Fondlers" sounded kind of interesting. 229 00:08:57,183 --> 00:08:58,809 - Dad! - What?! 230 00:08:58,893 --> 00:09:01,103 They're having fun in there. What do you guys want from me? 231 00:09:01,187 --> 00:09:03,105 Every family on this block has to wonder 232 00:09:03,189 --> 00:09:04,815 if they're together by choice. 233 00:09:04,899 --> 00:09:06,692 Our family just has interdimensional goggles 234 00:09:06,776 --> 00:09:09,111 to show us for a fact that we're not. 235 00:09:09,195 --> 00:09:11,780 - Well, I'm leaving. - You can't leave. You're 17. 236 00:09:11,865 --> 00:09:13,365 Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. 237 00:09:13,449 --> 00:09:16,326 I'm gonna have better judgment than you guys had at my age. 238 00:09:16,411 --> 00:09:18,787 I'm gonna move to the southwest and... 239 00:09:18,872 --> 00:09:21,957 I don't know, do something with turquoise. 240 00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:25,961 It's "Saturday Night Live," 241 00:09:26,045 --> 00:09:28,630 starring a piece of toast, 242 00:09:28,715 --> 00:09:30,966 two guys with handlebar mustaches, 243 00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:33,886 a man painted silver who makes robot noises, 244 00:09:33,970 --> 00:09:35,721 Gar Ma Nar Nar, 245 00:09:35,805 --> 00:09:38,432 three, um, um, um... 246 00:09:38,516 --> 00:09:40,267 I'll get back to that one, 247 00:09:40,351 --> 00:09:41,977 a hole in the wall 248 00:09:42,061 --> 00:09:44,146 where the men can see it all, 249 00:09:44,230 --> 00:09:48,442 and, returning for his 25th consecutive year, 250 00:09:48,526 --> 00:09:51,862 Bobby Moynihan! 251 00:09:51,946 --> 00:09:53,405 Interesting fun fact... 252 00:09:53,489 --> 00:09:55,991 Moynihan and a piece of toast hate each other. 253 00:09:56,075 --> 00:09:58,994 Apparently, they've got some real creative differences. 254 00:09:59,078 --> 00:10:00,412 Hey, are you tired of real doors 255 00:10:00,496 --> 00:10:02,080 cluttering up your house, 256 00:10:02,165 --> 00:10:03,749 where you open them and you actually go somewhere, 257 00:10:03,833 --> 00:10:05,125 and you go into another room? 258 00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:07,711 Get on down to Real Fake Doors. That's us. 259 00:10:07,795 --> 00:10:09,171 Fill a whole room up with them. 260 00:10:09,255 --> 00:10:10,422 See, watch. Check this out. 261 00:10:10,506 --> 00:10:12,674 Won't open. 262 00:10:12,759 --> 00:10:15,177 Not this one. 263 00:10:15,261 --> 00:10:16,261 None of them open. 264 00:10:16,346 --> 00:10:17,971 Fakedoors.com is our website, 265 00:10:18,056 --> 00:10:20,974 so check it out for a lot of really great deals 266 00:10:21,059 --> 00:10:24,269 on fake do-o-o-o-rs! 267 00:10:30,485 --> 00:10:32,277 Hey, wait a minute, Rick. 268 00:10:32,362 --> 00:10:33,737 I thought this was a commercial. 269 00:10:33,821 --> 00:10:35,447 What's going on? - Relax, Morty. 270 00:10:35,531 --> 00:10:39,201 Don't... don't worry about it. Let's just see where this goes. 271 00:10:39,285 --> 00:10:41,328 Step on it! We all got places to be! 272 00:10:41,412 --> 00:10:43,747 Son of a bitch. 273 00:10:45,541 --> 00:10:47,376 Oh, that must be where he lives. 274 00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:48,794 Okay. 275 00:10:48,878 --> 00:10:52,422 Huh. He's making himself a sandwich now. 276 00:10:55,093 --> 00:10:56,969 Hey, everybody. So, this is my house. 277 00:10:57,053 --> 00:10:59,304 Just made a sandwich... peanut butter and jelly. 278 00:10:59,389 --> 00:11:01,223 Still here, still selling fake doors. 279 00:11:01,307 --> 00:11:02,349 What? 280 00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:04,393 Oh, my god. It's still the commercial. 281 00:11:04,477 --> 00:11:06,395 We have fake doors like you wouldn't believe. 282 00:11:06,479 --> 00:11:08,772 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors. 283 00:11:08,856 --> 00:11:11,066 Call us up and order some fake doors today. 284 00:11:11,150 --> 00:11:12,943 Don't even hesitate, don't even worry, 285 00:11:13,027 --> 00:11:13,986 and don't even... 286 00:11:14,070 --> 00:11:15,195 All right, I'm bored. Change it. 287 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,030 Wait, wait, Rick. Hold on, hold on. 288 00:11:17,115 --> 00:11:18,240 That's our slogan. 289 00:11:18,324 --> 00:11:20,534 See it on the bottom of the screen below our name. 290 00:11:20,618 --> 00:11:22,661 Here's another slogan right below that one. 291 00:11:22,745 --> 00:11:25,247 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors. 292 00:11:25,331 --> 00:11:27,249 Get in here quick, get out quicker 293 00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:29,042 with an arm of fake doors in your arms. 294 00:11:29,127 --> 00:11:31,545 Okay, okay, you can change it. 295 00:11:31,629 --> 00:11:34,089 I hate Mamumanums-days, 296 00:11:34,173 --> 00:11:36,591 and I really could go for some enchiladas. 297 00:11:36,676 --> 00:11:39,011 Hey, Rick, that's pretty cool. 298 00:11:39,095 --> 00:11:41,930 It's just like Garfield, only instead it's Gazorpazorpfield. 299 00:11:42,015 --> 00:11:44,641 Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp where those sex robots came from? 300 00:11:44,726 --> 00:11:46,685 Remember that whole thing? 301 00:11:46,769 --> 00:11:48,687 Yeah. Hey, that's a pretty... pretty... 302 00:11:48,771 --> 00:11:50,230 That's true. That's right. 303 00:11:50,315 --> 00:11:52,899 Yeah. Let's watch some more Gazorpazorpfield. 304 00:11:52,984 --> 00:11:54,901 Hey, John. It's me, Gazorpazorpfield. 305 00:11:54,986 --> 00:11:56,737 Boy fuck you, John, 306 00:11:56,821 --> 00:11:59,489 you fuckin' dumb, stupid idiot. 307 00:11:59,574 --> 00:12:02,492 Come on, Gazorpazorpfield. Go easy on me, huh? 308 00:12:02,577 --> 00:12:05,287 You dumb, stupid, weak, 309 00:12:05,371 --> 00:12:08,415 pathetic, white, white, 310 00:12:08,499 --> 00:12:10,751 uh... guilt... 311 00:12:10,835 --> 00:12:13,170 white-guilt milquetoast 312 00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:15,213 piece of human garbage. 313 00:12:15,298 --> 00:12:16,548 Geez, Gazorpazorpfield, that's... 314 00:12:16,632 --> 00:12:18,175 you know, you're pretty mean to me, 315 00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:19,426 but that takes the cake. 316 00:12:19,510 --> 00:12:21,094 I don't give a fuck. 317 00:12:21,179 --> 00:12:23,388 I'm Gazorpazorp-fuckin'- field, bitch. 318 00:12:23,473 --> 00:12:25,724 Now give me my fucking enchiladas. 319 00:12:25,808 --> 00:12:28,018 Hey, Rick, you know, did they use Bill Murray for this? 320 00:12:28,102 --> 00:12:29,561 Sounds a lot like Bill Murray. 321 00:12:29,645 --> 00:12:31,021 No, Morty, it's Lorenzo Music. 322 00:12:31,105 --> 00:12:32,689 In this reality, he's still alive. 323 00:12:32,774 --> 00:12:34,524 Oh, okay. Was his name "Lorenzo Music"? 324 00:12:34,609 --> 00:12:36,068 Yeah, I'm pretty sure. 325 00:12:36,152 --> 00:12:38,028 He also did the voice of that one guy from "Ghostbusters," 326 00:12:38,112 --> 00:12:40,155 which is really strange because it's the same character 327 00:12:40,239 --> 00:12:41,365 Bill Murray played in the movie. 328 00:12:41,449 --> 00:12:42,824 But then, when they made the movie, 329 00:12:42,909 --> 00:12:44,951 Bill Murray did the voice of Gazorpazorp... 330 00:12:45,036 --> 00:12:46,953 - or Garfield, I mean. - That's pretty cool, Rick. 331 00:12:47,038 --> 00:12:48,872 So all that happened in this reality, too? 332 00:12:48,956 --> 00:12:50,040 I don't know. 333 00:12:50,124 --> 00:12:51,583 Just making conversation with you, Morty. 334 00:12:51,667 --> 00:12:53,043 What, you think I'm a... I'm... 335 00:12:53,127 --> 00:12:55,170 I know everything about everything? 336 00:12:55,254 --> 00:12:57,339 Did you really talk me out of the abortion? 337 00:12:57,423 --> 00:13:00,592 Well, we... we blew a tire on the way to the clinic. 338 00:13:00,676 --> 00:13:03,970 I think, in my head, I was doing it all for the kids. 339 00:13:04,055 --> 00:13:07,474 And now the first kid is going to do something with turquoise. 340 00:13:07,558 --> 00:13:09,601 Which is either code for crystal meth 341 00:13:09,685 --> 00:13:11,478 or a gateway to it. 342 00:13:11,562 --> 00:13:13,605 So we didn't do the kids any favors. 343 00:13:13,689 --> 00:13:16,483 So we should stay together for each other and ourselves, 344 00:13:16,567 --> 00:13:18,360 or... 345 00:13:18,444 --> 00:13:20,278 Or... 346 00:13:21,572 --> 00:13:24,699 Man, woman, and now Trunkman? 347 00:13:24,784 --> 00:13:26,618 We know science has created men that have a trunk 348 00:13:26,702 --> 00:13:28,245 that allows them to have sex with both 349 00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:30,330 male and female partners. 350 00:13:30,415 --> 00:13:32,624 But we don't like the idea of these people getting married. 351 00:13:32,708 --> 00:13:35,419 Put a line in the sand, everybody. 352 00:13:35,503 --> 00:13:37,212 Vote "no" on proposition XW2. 353 00:13:37,296 --> 00:13:39,631 The act that says trunk people can get married. 354 00:13:39,715 --> 00:13:41,007 Who needs it? 355 00:13:41,092 --> 00:13:42,509 Not on my watch. 356 00:13:42,593 --> 00:13:46,388 Paid for by Michael Denny and The Denny Singers. 357 00:13:46,472 --> 00:13:48,515 Hi. I'm a trunkperson, and I want... 358 00:13:48,599 --> 00:13:51,268 I feel love in my heart, too, just like you. 359 00:13:51,352 --> 00:13:53,103 I wanna be able to express that love 360 00:13:53,187 --> 00:13:54,896 with both a man and a woman. 361 00:13:54,981 --> 00:13:56,398 And I won't be able to 362 00:13:56,482 --> 00:13:58,733 if Denny and The Denny Singers get their way. 363 00:13:58,818 --> 00:14:01,236 Hey, let the trunkpeople have sex and get married, huh? 364 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,947 Paid for by trunkpeople. 365 00:14:04,031 --> 00:14:06,116 Oh, I love me strawberry sniggles. 366 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,243 Ooh, I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me 367 00:14:08,327 --> 00:14:11,538 and tries to steal my strawberry smiggles. 368 00:14:11,622 --> 00:14:12,998 I'm gonna eat every last one of them, 369 00:14:13,082 --> 00:14:15,000 because... and then they'll be in my stomach, 370 00:14:15,084 --> 00:14:17,085 and nobody will ever be able to eat them. 371 00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:19,546 Except for me, because they'll be all inside my stomach. 372 00:14:19,630 --> 00:14:23,925 Um, my name is Mr. Tophat Jones, 373 00:14:24,010 --> 00:14:25,760 and God forbid anyone ever take my sner... 374 00:14:25,845 --> 00:14:27,554 little-people snibbles. 375 00:14:27,638 --> 00:14:29,055 I'm keeping them all for me. 376 00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:31,099 Mmm. Mmm. 377 00:14:31,184 --> 00:14:33,143 Last bite. Mmm. 378 00:14:33,227 --> 00:14:35,145 Oh, now they're all resting comfortably in my stomach. 379 00:14:35,229 --> 00:14:36,688 Ooh, am I feeling good. 380 00:14:36,772 --> 00:14:38,982 No! Get away from me! Get away from me! 381 00:14:39,066 --> 00:14:40,984 There's no more strawberry snibbles... no! 382 00:14:42,737 --> 00:14:44,571 Jesus Christ! 383 00:14:44,655 --> 00:14:46,239 Jesus Christ! It hurts! 384 00:14:46,324 --> 00:14:47,741 My entrails are out! 385 00:14:47,825 --> 00:14:49,284 Why would you even want to eat these? 386 00:14:49,368 --> 00:14:51,453 They're soaked with my stomach acid. 387 00:14:51,537 --> 00:14:53,705 Oh, Jesus Christ, lord, savior, 388 00:14:53,789 --> 00:14:55,582 and spirit, save me. 389 00:14:55,666 --> 00:14:57,292 Take me to the light. 390 00:14:57,376 --> 00:14:59,044 Oh, my god. I see demons. 391 00:14:59,128 --> 00:15:00,587 I see demons are coming! 392 00:15:00,671 --> 00:15:02,297 Geez, Rick. Oh, my god. 393 00:15:02,381 --> 00:15:03,673 That's some pretty hard-core stuff, 394 00:15:03,758 --> 00:15:05,675 you know, for a cereal commercial. 395 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,261 Well, Morty... I mean, you wanna sell boxes of cereal, 396 00:15:08,346 --> 00:15:10,055 you gotta pump the gas a little. 397 00:15:10,139 --> 00:15:11,765 Pedal to the metal, Morty. 398 00:15:11,849 --> 00:15:15,185 In a world where muscular Mannies are coming, 399 00:15:15,269 --> 00:15:16,853 and they're coming strong, 400 00:15:16,938 --> 00:15:20,482 there's only three unmuscular Michaels. 401 00:15:20,566 --> 00:15:22,734 Get down. Hurry. Run. 402 00:15:24,362 --> 00:15:28,490 And that's when real Turbulent Juice is coming, 403 00:15:28,574 --> 00:15:31,201 and you got to take care of it. 404 00:15:31,285 --> 00:15:33,620 With Turbulent Juice, turbulent tables, 405 00:15:33,704 --> 00:15:37,374 no room is safe from the turbulent power 406 00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,501 of Turbulent Juice. 407 00:15:39,585 --> 00:15:41,503 - What in the hell? - Sex sells, Morty. 408 00:15:41,587 --> 00:15:43,505 Sex sells what? 409 00:15:43,589 --> 00:15:46,091 Was that a movie or, like, does it clean stuff? 410 00:15:46,175 --> 00:15:47,592 Hey, Dad. 411 00:15:47,677 --> 00:15:49,094 - God. - What's going on? 412 00:15:49,178 --> 00:15:50,887 Well, your mother and I are gonna be spending 413 00:15:50,972 --> 00:15:52,514 some time apart, Morty. 414 00:15:52,598 --> 00:15:54,516 And your sister found out she was an unwanted pregnancy. 415 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,352 - What? - Speaking of what, 416 00:15:57,436 --> 00:16:00,730 Morty, what should we watch next? 417 00:16:00,815 --> 00:16:02,566 What about this? 418 00:16:02,650 --> 00:16:04,526 Babylegs, you're a good detective. 419 00:16:04,610 --> 00:16:07,070 But not good enough, because of your baby legs. 420 00:16:07,154 --> 00:16:09,072 So I'm partnering you up with Regularlegs. 421 00:16:09,156 --> 00:16:10,532 Hey, there. 422 00:16:10,616 --> 00:16:12,534 Detective, I'm... this is upsetting to me 423 00:16:12,618 --> 00:16:15,370 because I feel like I don't need no regular-leg partner. 424 00:16:15,454 --> 00:16:17,163 Babylegs, don't talk back to me. 425 00:16:17,248 --> 00:16:18,665 Good luck, you two. 426 00:16:18,749 --> 00:16:20,709 There's a criminal to kill. 427 00:16:20,793 --> 00:16:22,752 Wow, you sure found this guy quick. 428 00:16:22,837 --> 00:16:24,754 Uh, yeah, because I'm a good detective. 429 00:16:24,839 --> 00:16:26,548 Look, Babylegs. It's the criminal. 430 00:16:26,632 --> 00:16:28,300 Oh, fuck it. I'm the killer. I'm running. 431 00:16:28,384 --> 00:16:29,384 I'm running real quick. 432 00:16:29,468 --> 00:16:31,386 Babylegs, here we go! 433 00:16:33,347 --> 00:16:35,932 That's the sound I make when I'm trying to run fast. 434 00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:39,561 All right, I'm not gonna get him. 435 00:16:39,645 --> 00:16:41,563 I just learned a real valuable lesson. 436 00:16:41,647 --> 00:16:43,273 I'm coming, Babylegs. 437 00:16:43,357 --> 00:16:45,150 I'm... Regularlegs. 438 00:16:45,234 --> 00:16:46,776 We got him. 439 00:16:46,861 --> 00:16:48,445 Hey, that was good teamwork. 440 00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:50,322 Babylegs and Regularlegs, 441 00:16:50,406 --> 00:16:52,324 I'm proud of you two for working together. 442 00:16:52,408 --> 00:16:54,326 And, Babylegs, I know it was hard for you 443 00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,786 to come to the conclusion that you need a partner, 444 00:16:56,871 --> 00:16:58,371 but I'm proud of you that you did it. 445 00:16:58,456 --> 00:16:59,414 Hey, thanks, Chief. 446 00:16:59,498 --> 00:17:01,166 Now get the fuck out of here. 447 00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:02,751 Pretty cool, huh, Morty? 448 00:17:02,835 --> 00:17:04,336 Oh. - I thought it was cool. 449 00:17:04,420 --> 00:17:07,797 I don't give a fuck what you think, Jerry. 450 00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:14,679 Hey, uh, y-you doing okay? 451 00:17:14,764 --> 00:17:16,348 I kind of know how you feel, Summer. 452 00:17:16,432 --> 00:17:18,224 No, you don't. You're the little brother. 453 00:17:18,309 --> 00:17:19,976 You're not the cause of your parents misery. 454 00:17:20,061 --> 00:17:22,729 You're just a symptom of it. 455 00:17:22,813 --> 00:17:24,731 - Can I show you something? - Morty, no offense... 456 00:17:24,815 --> 00:17:26,816 but a drawing of me you made when you were eight 457 00:17:26,901 --> 00:17:28,485 isn't gonna make me feel like less of an accident. 458 00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:31,321 That out there? That's my grave. 459 00:17:31,405 --> 00:17:34,032 - Wait, what? - On one of our adventures... 460 00:17:34,116 --> 00:17:36,826 Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world, 461 00:17:36,911 --> 00:17:39,829 so we bailed on that reality, and we came to this one. 462 00:17:39,914 --> 00:17:42,332 Because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed. 463 00:17:42,416 --> 00:17:44,542 And in this one, we were dead. 464 00:17:44,627 --> 00:17:46,419 So we came here and... and we buried ourselves, 465 00:17:46,504 --> 00:17:48,338 and we took their place. 466 00:17:48,422 --> 00:17:50,465 And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast 467 00:17:50,549 --> 00:17:54,344 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse. 468 00:17:54,428 --> 00:17:56,179 So you're not my brother? 469 00:17:56,263 --> 00:17:57,889 I'm better than your brother. 470 00:17:57,973 --> 00:17:59,599 I'm a version of your brother you can trust 471 00:17:59,684 --> 00:18:01,601 when he says "don't run." 472 00:18:01,686 --> 00:18:04,229 Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. 473 00:18:04,313 --> 00:18:06,648 Everybody's gonna die. 474 00:18:06,732 --> 00:18:10,402 Come watch TV. 475 00:18:10,486 --> 00:18:12,737 Mrs. Sullivan always planned 476 00:18:12,822 --> 00:18:15,240 to leave everything to her cats. 477 00:18:15,324 --> 00:18:18,743 But sometimes, plans need a helping paw. 478 00:18:20,830 --> 00:18:22,372 What are the kitties to do 479 00:18:22,456 --> 00:18:24,666 but buckle together and work as a team? 480 00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:27,627 Mrs. Sullivan, I... please, forgive me for being forward, 481 00:18:27,712 --> 00:18:29,170 but your eyes are so beautiful. 482 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,882 Wait. This is an actual movie? 483 00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:35,385 This fall, sparks will fly... 484 00:18:37,304 --> 00:18:39,806 Mrs. Sullivan. Ohh. 485 00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:41,933 ...between one guy who can't get a break... 486 00:18:42,017 --> 00:18:44,269 There's something about you, Mrs. Sullivan. 487 00:18:44,353 --> 00:18:47,147 ...and nine cats who break all the rules. 488 00:18:48,441 --> 00:18:50,066 "Last Will and Testi-meow: 489 00:18:50,151 --> 00:18:52,652 Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House II." 490 00:18:52,737 --> 00:18:55,113 Well, somebody in Hollywood just lost their job. 491 00:18:55,197 --> 00:18:56,948 Written and directed by Jerry Smith. 492 00:18:57,032 --> 00:18:59,409 I wrote and directed that? What am I, nuts? 493 00:18:59,493 --> 00:19:01,369 Oh, hey, Morty. You just missed a preview 494 00:19:01,454 --> 00:19:02,996 for your Dad's "Citizen Kane." 495 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:04,456 Doesn't matter. 496 00:19:04,540 --> 00:19:06,124 Hey, if your mother and I had to split custody, 497 00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:07,751 who would you guys chose? 498 00:19:07,835 --> 00:19:09,419 Doesn't matter. 499 00:19:09,503 --> 00:19:12,213 Breaking news... Academy Award-Winning actor Jerry Smith 500 00:19:12,298 --> 00:19:14,966 is leading police on a slow-speed pursuit 501 00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:17,010 after suffering an apparent breakdown. 502 00:19:17,094 --> 00:19:18,720 Don't even think about it. 503 00:19:18,804 --> 00:19:20,722 Come on. Are you kidding me, Jerry? 504 00:19:20,806 --> 00:19:22,640 It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap. 505 00:19:22,725 --> 00:19:26,352 It's my life, and we're watching it. 506 00:19:26,437 --> 00:19:29,981 You did it, Beth. You really nailed it. 507 00:19:30,065 --> 00:19:34,402 You're a surgeon... a human surgeon. 508 00:19:34,487 --> 00:19:37,322 Yay, you win. 509 00:19:37,406 --> 00:19:38,990 Where the hell am I going? 510 00:19:39,074 --> 00:19:41,159 Wh... What are you asking me for, Jerry? 511 00:19:41,243 --> 00:19:43,328 I'm sitting here trying to figure out 512 00:19:43,412 --> 00:19:44,996 why the cops don't just take you out. 513 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,165 I mean they got a clear shot to your head. 514 00:19:47,249 --> 00:19:49,626 I can't believe our tax dollars pay for this. 515 00:19:57,843 --> 00:19:59,177 Jerry? 516 00:19:59,261 --> 00:20:01,513 Jerry Smith? 517 00:20:01,597 --> 00:20:04,182 Beth Sanchez, I have been in love with you since high school. 518 00:20:04,266 --> 00:20:06,142 I hate acting. I hate cocaine. 519 00:20:06,227 --> 00:20:07,727 I hate Kristen Stewart. 520 00:20:07,812 --> 00:20:09,479 I wish you hadn't gotten that abortion, 521 00:20:09,563 --> 00:20:13,983 and I've never stopped thinking about what might have been. 522 00:20:14,068 --> 00:20:18,613 ♪ Give me a name ♪ 523 00:20:18,697 --> 00:20:24,369 ♪ Hear my faith ♪ 524 00:20:24,453 --> 00:20:29,457 ♪ Seal my fate ♪ 525 00:20:31,168 --> 00:20:36,881 ♪ And when you breathe ♪ 526 00:20:36,966 --> 00:20:39,384 ♪ You breathe for two ♪ 527 00:20:39,468 --> 00:20:41,094 Hey, "Ball Fondlers"? Huh, "Ball Fondlers"? 528 00:20:41,178 --> 00:20:42,804 Yeah, I could go for some "Ball Fondlers." 529 00:20:42,888 --> 00:20:44,347 Yeah, "Ball Fondlers." 530 00:20:45,933 --> 00:20:47,892 Aah! 531 00:21:20,134 --> 00:21:21,968 Ha ha, Hamster in Butt World Weather is done, 532 00:21:22,052 --> 00:21:23,678 and now it's sports time coming up. 533 00:21:23,762 --> 00:21:25,555 - Oh, hello, there. - Good day to you, miss. 534 00:21:25,639 --> 00:21:27,515 So, the hamsters live 535 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:28,975 inside the rectums of those people? 536 00:21:29,059 --> 00:21:30,685 Yes, sweetie. That's where they live. 537 00:21:30,769 --> 00:21:32,103 Well, how does that work? 538 00:21:32,187 --> 00:21:34,105 I mean, do the butts look like little apartments inside? 539 00:21:34,189 --> 00:21:35,690 Yeah, and can they leave the butt 540 00:21:35,774 --> 00:21:37,400 and, like, walk around on their own? 541 00:21:37,484 --> 00:21:40,111 I don't know. I'm watching the same thing you guys are. 542 00:21:40,195 --> 00:21:41,988 Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt 543 00:21:42,072 --> 00:21:43,615 and the person wanders off, 544 00:21:43,699 --> 00:21:45,283 how would they find their butt person again? 545 00:21:45,367 --> 00:21:47,285 I don't know, Summer. I can't even hear the TV. 546 00:21:47,369 --> 00:21:48,745 All right, that's it. 547 00:21:48,829 --> 00:21:50,204 We're just gonna go there so you idiots 548 00:21:50,289 --> 00:21:51,998 can ask your stupid questions all day. 549 00:21:52,082 --> 00:21:54,250 Ooh, family vacation! 550 00:22:08,682 --> 00:22:10,058 Did you get any of that? 551 00:22:10,142 --> 00:22:12,101 It's a good-a show! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net